Madame Butterfly's Personal Log

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day:

 

Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.

 

* Marianne Williamson

 

Tough last couple of days.

 

I have a situation with someone that I care greatly about.

 

I believe the are involved with a group of people that are very negative, and in being around them, I see this individual becoming a bit more like them.

 

This person and I both agree that honesty is one of the strongest parts of our friendship.

 

Yet, in trying to talk to them about my concern about the group, they continue to think it has to do with them as individuals.

 

I've always tried to be so accepting and loving of my friends, supportive in everyway.

 

Now, this "friend" is ignoring me.

 

I'm ready to give up.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

I mean, I'm ready NOT to talk about it, but the issues that came up during our talks has made me realize those things need to be addressed.

 

I guess I need to leave well enough alone.

 

Lord Tennyson said it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved.

 

I think that applies to friendships too.

 

Still, it makes me so sad.

 

:sadangel: :sadwalk:

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day

 

"When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness."

 

 

:sadwalk:

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day:

 

Look in those eyes... Listen to that dear voice... Notice the feeling of even a single touch that is bestowed upon you by that gentle hand ! Make much of it while yet you have that most precious of all gifts. Read the unfathomable love of those eyes; the anxiety of that tone and look, however slight is your pain. In after life you may have friends, fonds, dears, but never you will have again the inexpressible love & gentleness levished upon you which none but a mother bestows.

 

- Macaulay

[Lursa 0]

I have a problem with my friend as well. He is not listening to me either you should read my log as well. My heart is broken.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

I have a problem with my friend as well. He is not listening to me either you should read my log as well. My heart is broken.

323384[/snapback]

 

 

I'm sorry Lursa. B)

 

-huggles-

 

This is a friend that if things had been timed right we would have been romantically invovled, so I guess I should be thankful of this.

 

And, as a friend, I will be there even if he doesn't want to realize I am.

 

But time apart from people after a misunderstanding does raise a level of discomfort, and that is what bothers me.

 

The longer he does this "I'm friendly, but I'm holding you at a distance" business, than some severe damage will happen.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Got a tad burnt out in the sun today.

 

That being said, I love being in the garden. It really makes me happy just to go out and pull the weeds and keep everything healthy.

 

I had lunch with a friend of mine who is originally from Brazil and one of my roomies today.

 

He and his "fiance'" called off their engagement a few months back, and he's in town to find a new place to have for a base here, and to close on the sale of the home they had bought together earlier in the year.

 

 

 

 

I love this song, have had it in my head all day.

 

 

Vertical Horizon

 

I'm Still Here Lyrics

 

 

 

I found the pieces in my hand

They were always there

It just took some time to understand

You gave me words I just can't say

So if nothing else

I'll hold on while you drift away

Cause everything you wanted me to hide

Is everything that makes me feel alive

 

Cities grow

Rivers flow

Where you are, I'll never know

But I'm still here

If you were right and I was wrong

Why are you the one that's gone

I'm still here

Still here

 

Seeing the ashes in my heart

The smile the widest

When I cry inside and my insides blow apart

I tried to wear another face

Just to make you proud

Just to make you put me in my place

But everything you wanted to take from me

Is everything that I could never be

 

Cities grow

Rivers flow

Where you are, I'll never know

But I'm still here

If you were right and I was wrong

Why are you the one that's gone

I'm still here

 

Maybe tonight

It's gonna be alright

I will get better

Maybe today

It's gonna be okay

I will remember

 

I held the pieces of my soul

I was shattered and I wanted you to come and make me whole

When I saw you yesterday

But you didn't noticed

And you just walked away

Cause everything you wanted me to hide

Is everything that makes me feel alive

 

Cities grow

Rivers flow

Where you are, I'll never know

But I'm still here

If you were right and I was wrong

Why are you the one who's gone

And I'm still here

The lights go out, the bridges burn

Once you're gone, you can't return

I'm still here

Remember how you use to say I'd be the one to runaway

But I'm still here

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day:

 

“Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Suffering follows an evil thought as the wheels of a cart follow the oxen that draws it.

 

Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves.

 

~Buddha

 

 

Feel very peaceful and extremely happy today. B)

 

I had a very busy weekend, with school and working, but it was worth it. I feel alot of things were accomplished in those two days.

 

One of my room mates is obsessed with Star Wars right now, and if it's not a movie I overhear, it's the soundtrack! :blink: :)

 

I plan on seeing a movie Sunday, and I surmize the lines will be huge for Sith. I've promised a male friend of mine I will see it with him, but not until Memorial Day weekend.

 

Been planting in my "Zen" garden today, and I'm pleased with how it's turning out. I'm disappointed that I couldn't find any bleeding hearts at the flower market, but I think I've gotten some nice things for the partial shade area of that yard.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day:

 

It's a long road when you face the world alone, when no one reaches out a hand for you to hold. You can find love if you search within your soul, and the emptiness you felt will disappear

 

 

Rather peaceful day today.

 

Nothing much happening, just feeling intense happiness and love actually.

 

I'll take another 100 like this one please. :blink:

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day:

 

"Change has a bad reputation in our society. But it isn't all bad — not by any means. In fact, change is necessary in life — to keep us moving ... to keep us growing ... to keep us interested . ... Imagine life without change. It would be static ... boring ... dull."

 

— Dr. Dennis O'Grady

in Bottom Line - Personal

 

 

My life is all about change right now.

 

Change that deep down I know is right for me but does cause some fears.

 

I know now is the right time to the majority of the changes, and this makes me very very happy.

 

But there are some other things in my life that are starting to change too. These things have brought me great happiness and joy and comfort. So to realize that there is a shift within them causes me a momentary panic.

 

:blink:

 

Now I realize that change isn't bad, but I grew up with one of my parents being extremely pessimistic, so I'm constantly trying to reprogram my brain to see things as positive instead of possibly hurting me. But it's hard sometimes.

 

Life is like a river, ever flowing, changing, sometimes calm and deep, and other times rapid, fast and scary.

 

I think I just to acknowledge the fear, perhaps embrace it and then take a deep breath and get on with things.

 

Hand it over to the higher power, who will protect and love me. For while things here on earth change, the love I receive from where I come from is endless and I need to remember that.

[Angela 1]

Life is like a river, ever flowing, changing, sometimes calm and deep, and other times rapid, fast and scary.

 

324954[/snapback]

 

I swear that sounds like Garth brook's The River

 

Click For Spoiler

You know a dream is like a river

Ever changin' as it flows

And a dreamer's just a vessel

That must follow where it goes

Trying to learn from what's behind you

And never knowing what's in store

Makes each day a constant battle

Just to stay between the shores...and

 

I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

Like a bird upon the wind

These waters are my sky

I'll never reach my destination

If I never try

So I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

 

Too many times we stand aside

And let the waters slip away

'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow

Has now become today

So don't you sit upon the shoreline

And say you're satisfied

Choose to chance the rapids

And dare to dance the tide...yes

 

I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

Like a bird upon the wind

These waters are my sky

I'll never reach my destination

If I never try

So I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

 

There's bound to be rough waters

And I know I'll take some falls

But with the good Lord as my captain

I can make it through them all...yes

 

I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

Like a bird upon the wind

These waters are my sky

I'll never reach my destination

If I never try

So I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

 

Yes, I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

'Til the river runs dry

[Madame Butterfly 0]

:P

 

I'm pretty unfamiliar with his work, so that's very ironic.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day:

 

Stand up and walk out of your history.

 

Phil McGraw

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day:

 

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

 

Dr. Seuss

 

 

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful

Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart

And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears

And when she was happy, so was i, when she loved me.

 

Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all

Just she and I together, like it was meant to be

And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her

And I knew that she loved me.

 

So the years went by, I stayed the same

And she began to drift away, I was left alone

Still I waited for the day, when she’d say "i will always love you."

 

Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way,

She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,

Like she loved me, when she loved me

 

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,

Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart

When she loved me.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day:

 

The easiest person to deceive is one's own self.

 

 

~ Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton

 

 

Rather nice day today.

 

Slept in and awoke to the Cardinals calling to one another outside my window, and the heavy scent of lilac's coming in with the breeze.

 

Went and did my yoga, and did my first "authorized" Reiki treatment. Very cool.

 

The rest of the day was spent enjoying the beautiful day out of doors, and also just relaxing on a lounge chair reading a book.

 

I love Sundays!

[Lursa 0]

Me too. It is the only time in the week when i really don't have to do nothing.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day

 

It is better to have loved and lost, than to have hated and won

 

That cracks me up,it's so true!

 

 

 

Frantically busy day today.

 

This morning was spent with bills and retrieving my files for my money program. :P

 

This afternoon was spent on something I've been wanting to do for a long time, though I won't say what it was as it's very "out there". I worked very hard though, and I am interested in the feed back I expect tomorrow.

 

May also have a luncheon date come from it. :lol: :P

 

Tonight was the start of sport season around town.

 

Can't walk past an open stretch of land without seeing lacrosse or baseball or softball being played.

 

Feeliing a tad like "laying it all out there" today. Most likely have offended some people with it. :P

 

Although with some I feel like I am in a game of poker. Judging, estimating the truth of their "game", trying to tell what bluff they are playing. Most frustrating though.

 

As much as I like to figure out what makes people tick, sometimes I just don't want the games. I just want it laid straight out. It's just easier that way. :P

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day

 

Why not let people differ about their answers to the great mysteries of the Universe? Let each seek one's own way to the highest, to one's own sense of supreme loyalty in life, one's ideal of life. Let each philosophy, each world-view bring forth its truth and beauty to a larger perspective, that people may grow in vision, stature and dedication.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day:

 

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?"

 

~ Steven Wright

 

Babies.

 

There's just something about babies that get me right here. -touches my heart-

 

They always make my heart swell with love and my eyes tear up.

 

There's nothing like watching their pure innocent faces while they sleep, their deliciously chubby hands splayed out on their bed, the purity and innocence of their essence.

 

Some people have said why do people keep bringing children into the world when the world is so messed up.

 

When you have a child all your own, the pride you have in them, the way your heart tugs and rejoices for them, then you understand why people have children.

 

To love, to cherish, to share joy with, and to clean their boo-boo's and make their hearts happy again.

 

For me there is nothing so compelling as seeing a child, and thus needing to make the world a better and loving place.

 

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Exhausted.

 

I was asked to accompany a kindergarten class that I work with twice a week for a trip to an old fashioned pioneer village today.

 

It was fun, and the children in my group were fascinated by the blacksmith over anything else.

 

The class challenge was in my group. Teachers don't get paid enough money when dealing with students like him. :(

 

Now I"m relaxing and the teachers were joking if I would like to join them for marguerita's later on. I just may take them up on this!! B)

 

It's really been a beautiful day here, lots of warmth, sun and a cooling breeze.

 

I've felt like I was being loved the entire day. B)

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day:

 

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

 

~Josh Billings

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day

 

"Hope" is the thing with feathers-- That perches in the soul-- And sings the tune without the words-- And never stops--at all--

 

Emily Dickenson

 

I read this quote, and I wonder if it is really true.

 

Haven't we all hoped for things, dreamt and made wishes, and then they do not come to fruitition.

 

Does this mean our hopes were for naught?

 

Does it mean that perhaps something better was out there for us.

 

Or could it mean we don't live in reality?

 

Hope is a peculiar thing. Because I do believe that after a time, people let hopes die.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

 

~Henri Nouwen

 

 

Isn't it quite the set down when you realize someone you had thought you could count on, well you just can't.

 

People grow and change, and grow apart. And sometimes we rely on them because we simply don't realize they are growing away from us, and sometimes they don't either.

 

 

 

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

 

~Gilda Radner

 

 

Gilda may be right, but I still want the perfect ending.

[Angela 1]

I hope whatever is going on in your life works itself out. If not, throw a PM.

 

Sorry about being so snarky a little wile back. I was out of line.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Summer is here.

 

Had the most gloriously wonderful weekend with the weather and all the sporty things I did.

 

Although my handle bars on my bike appear to be stripped, and I'm wondering how much it'll cost me to have it fixed. :P

 

No fun riding dirt trails in the forest and having the bars shimmy up and down and side to side. Well it was fun, :P the handle bars just made it a tad bit interesting. :blink:

 

I just received my Aunties records for the family history, so I am very excited My last name is very unusual and as my Grandfather was the 21st of 22 children, B) , you'd think I'd be able to find someone to help us take the name further back, but we can't. My Aunt was able to get quite far back on her mothers side, my Nana, and all the information came with birth, wedding and death certificates!!

 

 

I think in the future I'm either going to have to go to Salt Lake or England to figure out my Grandfathers lineage.

 

 

hope whatever is going on in your life works itself out. If not, throw a PM.

 

Sorry about being so snarky a little wile back. I was out of line.

 

 

Tis okay UA, friends often say the things that are hardest for us to take. :wink2:

 

Life is good, just the realization that just because one person has come into my life that can handle life the way I do, doesn't mean all the other friends have also.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day

 

Oh, the summer night Has a smile of light And she sits on a sapphire throne.

 

 

 

Today is the official start of summer vacation!!! :) :)

 

YES!!!! :P

 

Am looking forward to a fun and yet productive summer.

 

Interesting enough, well to me, I was outside and watched a bunch of lightening bugs hatching, doing their familiar "hanging" flight. About another 3 weeks and they'll be lighting up the nights and children and some adults will be catching them in jars to enjoy their glow!!

 

Tomorrow I am "involved" in a soccer tourny and the first match is at 7 15 AM :lol: I am NOT a morning person. So I hope that I can make it there all together and not wearing my slippers. :P

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Just doing some online family history search, and I think I've found a mistake in my Aunties original work.

 

I can't figure out how she's made this connection, as all the searches I find don't support this marriage.

 

:lol: :) :)

 

Oh to have an LDS library close enough to drive to.

 

Has anyone ever tried Originsnetwork.com for their BritishIsles searches?

 

Is it worth the very small investment of money, as compared to Ancestry.com's fees?

[Madame Butterfly 0]

:(

 

Found definite proof of my Great Grandfather.

 

-dances around in her chair-

 

And I've nearly found the 22 children he fathered.

 

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Been surviving the heat wave we've been having since Saturday, temps typically over 90 degrees here.

 

Today I went and saw Madagascar with some friends and it was very very funny. Laughed very hard and enjoyed the writing very much.

 

Soon off to a softball game, but I'm wondering if it may be cancelled. A big band of thunderstorms isn't too far away, and there looks to be some very strong pockets in it.

 

Tornado season has been rather mild this year, and I hope it stays the way until June is over. But these types of storms are typically the ones with possible tornado action in it.

 

I really dislike being in air conditioning. I've got a sore throat and an ear ache and my neck is achy too. I'm hoping the fresh air at the game and the activity will help me feel better.

[Angela 1]

A good cure for the dryness of the air caused by air con is to leave small bowls of water around, this will put a little moisture back into the air due to evapouration.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Thanks UA :(