Madame Butterfly's Personal Log

[Madame Butterfly 0]

A week since the accident, and simple things really wear me out, and I've been sleeping close to 12 hours many a night.

 

I've got these weird bruises on my right and left hands, only along the bottom cuticle line, not into the nail and no bruising on my hands near the nail at all. Just dark purple lines, kinda looks like some sort of Halloween makeup.

 

I've also noticed that I can't remember some things as well, and that the being able to type is greatly affected. Letters just aren't coming together like they should.

 

I go in for another MRI on Tuesday, so they can make sure everything is still looking good in my head.

 

Another night of rain. The lawn is actually starting to look at bit green again.

[Odo 0]

you damn well better get to the doctor we can not lose the

head of are history department. :lol:

 

On a personal note I would miss you

get well quick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:)

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Thanks Odo.

 

I couldn't sleep at first, and the nurses that call from the hospital think part of it is the exhaustion, and the memory issue may just be from the concussion.

 

I had an MRI the night of the accident, no damage there.

[Odo 0]

You my lady are a dear friend on this thing we call

The Internet. Have met thousands only care about less then

a handfull.And you are one.

Not Only being from my home state. I like smart women.

(not flirting stating fact) well maybe a little.

seems weird to care about a person you have never met

But i do so you better get back to normal or else

[Madame Butterfly 0]

You my lady are a dear friend on this thing we call

The Internet. Have met thousands  only care about less then

a handfull.And you are one.

Not Only being from my home state. I like smart women.

(not flirting stating fact) well maybe a little.

seems weird to care about a person you have never met

But i do so you better get back to normal  or else

346887[/snapback]

 

 

It's not weird.

 

Some of my best friends are net people.

 

Infact, I met my Beloved online.

[Angela 1]

I ditto the whole meeting beloveds online, my man was met through yahoo personals! and we talked a while before meeting too. A lot of great friends are online. I guess I have made choices of friends better online because I am not guaging trivialities and guaging personality (I still make small mistakes though)

 

I hope today has been better for you than when last I wrote in you log. My wrist has this wonderful way of swelling and then shrinking I think it believes itself a ballooon!

 

Hope you head does better, and MRI's are nothing, TAKE A CD, they can sometimes play them either through loudspeakers or on headphones though because it is a head MRI I think it is most likely loudspeakers. But it does help distract from the being in a confined space, also deep breathing and visualisation helps too ( I had an MRI a couple years ago.)

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Thanks UA

 

It's just the shock of the impact is still affecting me I think. Tis why I'm tired. Quite the shock to the body.

[Lursa 0]

I hope that you are feeling better as well. I am hurting, as you are hurting as well my prayers go out to you. Most of my friends are online, because it is hard for me to make friends in the first place.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

"Anger can not overcome anger.

 

If a person shows anger to you, and you show anger in return, the result is a disaster.

 

In contrast, if you control your anger and show it's opposite-love, compassion, tolerence and patience-then not only will you remain in peace, but the anger of others also will gradually diminish.

 

No one can argue with the fact that in the presence of angery, peace is impossible.

 

Only through kindness and love can peace of mind be achieved."

 

 

~The Dalai Lama

 

Kind of a confusing day.

 

Right now I'm drinking a marguerita and eating some homemade chocolate chip cookies with it.

 

Sounds gross but tonight it hits the spot.

[Angela 1]

Actually it sounds great to me. I am strange though!

[Madame Butterfly 0]

The chocolate chips are still gooey and the cookies still have steam in them.

 

Yum.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

"Being motivated by compassion and love, respecting the rights of others-this is real religion.

 

To wear robes and speak about God but think selfishly is not a religious act.

 

On the other hand, a politician or a lawyer with real concern for humankind who takes actions that benefit others is truly practicing religion.

 

The goal must be to serve others, not to dominate them.

 

Those who are wise, practice love."

 

~The Dalai Lama

 

I like that part of a book shipped to me in error. Or was it?

 

It states my feelings exactly.

 

How often though, do we get ourselves into little mini-dramas of control to protect ourselves or to feel better about ourselves?

 

I know people who are so addicted to drama, that their lives are like a soap opera, or their hearts are so closed off to the world, afraid to let anyone in, that the are constantly trying to dominate others to keep the hurt at bay.

 

The simplest thing to do, the easiest thing to do, the most beneficial thing to do is simply to love.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Going for my MRI tomorrow .

 

I've had many, so I know what to expect.

 

But I still hate the enclosure around my head.

 

Hopefully I'll be able to get some answers about the difficulties I've been having since the accident.

[trekz 7]

I've not read your log in a while, MB. Random Comments on the last page:

 

I also greatly enjoyed the March of the Penguins, and there were a lot of families at the showing I attended.

mmmm Chicolate chips!

Yes dramatic people are a handfull!

 

Good luck dealing with your MRI tomorrow, and I hope the news is good. Many good thoughts and prayers go with you!

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Who would have thought Penguins could appear so romantic and loving? I really enjoyed that movie, especially after the chicks got to moving around. Priceless stuff. :o

 

I'll be fine I think. I just don't understand why I don't realize I'm using the wrong tense in words when typing or why my spelling is way off. Granted I typically catch it, but not always.

 

Anyway, now I just have to wait for them to call me with the results. When I got up, no one seemed to concerned. If things were truly bad, I'm sure they'd have not let me leave.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

"In experience the practice of love brings peace of mind to myself and helps others.

 

Foolish, selfish people are always thinking of themselves and the result is always negative.

 

Wise person think of others, helping them as much as they can, and the result is happiness.

 

Love and compassion are beneficial both for you and for others.

 

Through your kindness towards others, you mind and heart will open to peace."

 

~Dalai Lama

 

I'm very much enjoying this book that came to me through other sources.

 

I think the above quote is very true.

 

Aren't we all happiest when we just love someone, and don't judge them, accept them, and have the same returned?

 

Isn't that kind of love we all truly want?

 

I think it's very possible for us to have that love, but I also think is OUR fault by not taking the chance to give love and not have it returned.

 

Someone once told me, "I'd rather fail because I took a chance, than fail because I didn't take a chance".

 

That's true with love too. So what stops us from giving love the way we want to recieve it?

 

How many of us have denied ourselves love because of fears?

 

Fears that we aren't lovable, of rejection, of not being accepted so that we are loved for who we really are, for fear of smothering those who love us best, because we just can't let ourselves truly fall into love?

 

 

Love is tricky, because obviously you want love, but what do you do that stops you from getting that love that's just aching to be yours?

 

Walls, barriers, fears, they are all the same.

 

Once we open our heart to truly love, than we know those fears are unjustified.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

"There is no greater fraud than a promise not kept. "

 

 

~gaelic proverb

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Really strong thunderstorms came through the area last night.

 

Considering the tornado in Wisconsin the day before, was a tad jumpy about how high the winds were.

 

Ended up losing power 3 or 4 times before I just decided to bug out to the basement for the night.

 

Just got power back about half an hour ago.

 

At least the garden was watered well. :P

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Quote of the Day

 

"It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it."

 

Christian Nevell Bovee

 

 

Ok day so far, still feeling a tad bit under the weather. My friend pointed out that I've just not been myself since the accident, which is true, but I think it extends further back really. :P

 

I think I'm like a snake right now, shedding old skin so that the new me can take full form.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Today is the anniversary of my Darling Daddy's birth.

 

It is the fourth one I have silently marked and honored him since his death.

 

My first thought had been to call him this morning, to see how spectacular the meteor showers and northern lights had been this August. They always seem their best now, and if you don't have the one, it's because you've got the other

 

I remember my last summer with my Dad.

 

My sister in law was hoping to see the meteor's and we'd bought Dad a telescope that year for his birthday, something he'd always wanted but never splurged on for himself.

 

We went down to the beach and were deciding where to set up the telescope, when my sister in law said "look at the unusual light from the north shore"

 

It was the beginning of the most spectacular northern lights show I'd ever seen.

 

We camped out in lounge chairs and sleeping bags on the beach, and watched the lights all through the night.

 

All green, and then slowly turning to a specutacular shade of red, waving across the sky.

 

In hindsight, it was a wonderful way to call to my Dad's spirit, to call him home.

A light show of such extreme he couldn't remember seeing one that wonderful ever, even when vacationing in Alaska. He talked about it the rest of the trip.

 

If I could have one wish today, I would really want one of my Dad's all consuming, all healing bear hugs. I really need that.

 

I was most certainly blessed from above to have him for my Father.

 

I miss you Dad.