Roddenberry Road

[nik 0]

As Nik leans against the Gremlin talking to Fenriz and Jeanway, a faint buzzing noise can be heard overhead. He glances up and squints at the cloudless sky. Taking three steps away from the Gremlin, he mutters quietly to himself.

 

“Well, what to my wonderin’ eyes should appear….” He says quietly. The object draws nearer, circling overhead. After several circles, one can clearly make out the silhouette of a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

 

The sleigh circles a few more times, flies out over the quarry, and then lines itself up with

Roddenberry Road. It lowers gently as it approaches, and on touchdown skids sideways in a shower of sparks down the pavement. It comes to a halt in front of Nik’s parked Gremlin.

 

After a few seconds, a very large man steps out. He is wearing black leather knee boots, red cutoff shorts held up with suspenders, and a white flannel shirt. His white hair and long white beard flap slightly in the cool breeze, and his ample belly hangs over the belt of his shorts.

 

“Well bless me! If it ain’t Saint Nick himself!” Nik exclaims. “What brings you to these parts at such an odd time o’ year?”

 

Santa Claus reaches into the sleigh and pulls out a large cigar. Striking a match on the sleigh, he lights the cigar and speaks in a cloud of smoke. His voice is the slow drawn out drawl of a Mississippi man.

 

“Well…” he begins. “Seems to me like some of my boys been workin’ fer the wrong ‘Nik’.” He sniffs slightly, punctuating his words.

 

“That a fact?” Nik crosses his arms. “If I remember c’rrectly, your boys gave you plenty o’ notice b’fore leavin’ you and the missus. Seems like you ain’t been treatin’ ‘em right anyways.”

 

Santa walks slowly towards Nik, his arms crossed. “I got me five-and-a-half months before the next delivery, and I ain’t doin’ it shorthanded.”

 

Nik reaches into the Gremlin and roots around for a bit before producing a piece of paper. “Well,” he says, “I got me a stack of workin’ papers for all MY boys, AND a list of complaints against one “Kristofer K. Kringle” filed with the Labor Relations Board and the Better Business Bureau.” Nik clears his throat and speaks authoritatively as he reads from the list. “Such complaints include – but are not limited to – sexual harassment, unreasonable working hours, unfair wages…..”

 

As Nik continues, Santa grits his teeth and walks back to the sleigh, muttering to himself. “… makin’ my list and checkin’ it twice, you son of a….” He reaches into the sleigh, producing a shotgun.

 

“I’ll show you what you can do with that list!”

 

“… unsanitary work environment, unsanitary living cond – “ Nik is interrupted as a shot rings out. Narrowly missing him, the shot shatters the driver’s windshield of the Gremlin.

 

Nik looks at Santa startled. “Holy sh –“ Another shot misses him and shatters the rear window.

 

“Geeze!” Nik exclaims and dives behind the Gremlin, dropping the list. Santa Claus reloads the shotgun and takes aim. The gun jams.

 

“Damn!” he shouts, and throws the gun at the ground. He marches back to the sleigh, and reaches inside, this time producing a baseball bat. Nik stands as Santa marches back to the Gremlin, his jaw set.

 

Santa Claus rolls up his sleeves as he approaches Nik. His massive right arm bears a large tattoo of a deer skull. His left arm has a tattoo of a gambling die, the sides of which bear the words “NAUGHTY” and “NICE.”

 

“I’m gonna DECK YOUR HALLS!” Santa says determinedly as he walks towards Nik. Swinging the bat wildly, he misses as Nik ducks. The bat strikes the windshield of the Gremlin, shattering it.

 

“Geeze, Kringle!” Nik says as Santa winds up for another shot. His blow hits Nik hard in the ribs, and he screams. Nik grabs Santa around the waist and tackles him. The two tumble to the ground, rolling around as they wrestle.

 

By this time, several elves surround the melee, shouting encouragement to Nik and talking trash to Santa Claus. “C’mon, lard-boy! Kick his jolly a**!”, “’Tis the freakin’ season for a butt-kicking, Kringle!”, and “Bring it on, Big Red!”

[DrWho42 13]

AWK!!! :) Insectoid infestation!!!! Who ya gonna call??? :o Everybody scatters!!!! :)  :o  :(  :)

=Roddenberry Road=

 

( Wait... What Insectoid Invasion? And which Insectoids...? )

 

DrWho42 noticed that the ship on the block just had to park on top of the fast-food resteraunt and in the middle of the road. As he continues to sit on the park-bench, with his shoulder around Echo, he overheard the conflict between Santa Claus, the elves, and Nik.

 

"Seems like the Romulans moved in next door to us, Janie... :) First time in a long while since we had next-door neighbors I overheard that Jeanway's going to hold a sixth-month anniversary party for us" he says, giving her a small hug, as they mostly watched the usual chaos from afar.

 

" :) Remember that time when there was a change in the Earth's elliptical orbit, and it began to move closer and closer to the Sun? The hottest time of the year was when the midnight sun was overhead.

Never mind.. You were saying?"

[please delete 0]

Echo rested her head on Drwho42's shoulder. "How long do you think it will be before the romulan neighbors move out? Think your midnight explosions in the labritory will scare them?"

[DrWho42 13]

=Roddenberry Road=

 

Still holding the timelady Echo within his arms: " Seems like they'll be staying for sometime, probably will add to the unhealthy daily dosage of zanyness and chaos... Hmmm, I wonder what rank does this Tal Shiar 8472 have... And why did he move into these parts of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy?"

[Jeanway 0]

Jeanway, obviously upset at this ridiculous sight, jumps on Santa's back and hangs on to his long, white hair and tugs at him, trying to pull him off of nik. Santa turns his head and bites Jeanway's hand and she falls to the ground. Fenriz, obviously enraged by this runs at Santa, grabs him around his waist and the two of them go tumbelling onto the road, punching and kicking each other. nik, joins in the fight and all four of them are just a whirling mass of fists and feet. ILikeSeven, who was sitting on his porch watching all this decides to join in. He runs across the street, pulling on his chainsaw. Santa notices as do the others and ignore him, and just keep on fighting. Alterego was coming home from work in his car and stopped and watched for a second before he decided to join in. Tina hears the commotion and runs up the road to see what all is going on. And seeing HeadBorg and WearBorg in their front yard yells to them as she runs past. " Come on, there's a big fight up there in front of Fenriz's house, come on!!!" Seeing the three of them run past, VaBeachGuy who was sitting in his livingroom watching reruns of TOS, catches sight of them out his front window. Comes out of his front door and looks around, making sure Baby Tongue was nowhere in sight. He walks briskly up the road towards the fight, rolling up his shirt sleeves. "HEY!! STOP THAT NOW OR I'LL CALL THE COPS!!!" He yells as he approaches. Being awoken by all the noise, Transporter Malfunction come barreling out of his back door and runs across ILikeSeven's yard to the road. Cussing and swearin and shaking his fist at the noisy crowd. "You Sons a B*******s woke me up!!" He yells and jumps on top of Santa Clause and starts pummelling him in the face. " I'll teach you whose naughty or nice.!!"" Bam Bam Bam, he's down! SpaceTigger, while out walking his dog, comes upon the fight from the opposite direction and his dog breaks his leash and jumps into the fray, chewing on VBG"S pant leg, Spacetigger tries to pull him off. VBG slugs the dog in the chops and Tig tries to stop him and catches one right in the eye. Jeanway seeing Fenriz and HeadBorg going at it over a trash barrel dispute the week before tries to pull HeadBorg off of Fenriz. Queenie Borg arriving on the scene starts fighting with Jeanway, slapping her and pulling her hair. Tina tries to pull Queenie off of her, all three now pulling each other's hair and screaming. One of the guy's yells "CAT-FIGHT!!" AND ALL THE MEN STOP FIGHTING FOR A MINUTE JUST TO WATCH, THEN RESUME THE SLUG FEST.

[fenriz275 0]

Roddenberry Road turns into a giant brawl, again. They elves, always looking for a new racket, begin taking side bets on who'll beat the snot out of who. Fenriz discovers that he's only getting 3 to 2 odds against Santa, smashing ole' St. Nick in the face with a trash can lid he screams "I wanted a train set when I was 8, not a freaking rock tumbler you b**tard! 3 to 2 my a**! Eat asphalt!" Jeanway aims a kick at Kris Kringle's nether regions but misses and hits Fenriz instead. Nearly biting off his tongue from the sudden pain, he let's out a pathetic little whimpering sound and lies on the ground in a fetal position. "Sorry." says Jeanway. While Santa tries to get on his feet Nik charges at him and the two men collide, their two great masses of flesh slamming together, the shock wave from their collision knocks everyone off of their feet. Suddenly the hatch on the Warbird opens and everyone looks on as Mrs Claus comes walking out of the ship. "Santa Claus, you stupid, lazy, booze swilling, buffoon. What do you think you're doing? It's 5 months til Christmas, all of the elves have quit, we've got toys out the yinyang to make and where do I find you? In the middle of a street fighting like some stray dog." With that the tiny woman wallops Santa on the head with a giant candy cane. Santa Claus cowers in fear as she stands over him, her hands on her hips. "Butt sugar dumpling..." Santa starts to plead. "Shut it!" she says as she smashs him in the head again. "Now you get your butt in that sleigh and get back to the North pole and get back to work. NOW!" Her final word sends Santa scampering for his sled as she follows him. Climbing into the sleigh she grabs the reins from him. "Move over, I'm driving." she says. The sleigh lifts off into the sky, from the ground everyone can see St. Nick sitting beside his wife like a pouting child as the the pair head for the North Pole.

[Jeanway 0]

After everyone leaves and goes back to their houses, Jeanway looks at the road. 12 enormous piles of Reindeer poop. :)

[ILIKESEVEN 0]

A little christmas poeëm by ILS

 

"Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys

For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys

When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death

Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath

From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo

Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo

And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,

"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna DIE!"

[Jeanway 0]

ILS, you Alright? You need to talk?

[3 of 7 0]

3 of 7 were looking on records of all of the things that have happened in Roddenberry Road.

 

Hmmm..... It looks like this place is pretty interesting, not any boring moment... She thought.

 

Then she looked out over to the house there the Romulans were.

 

[Jeanway 0]

Jeanway heard that Reindeer poop makes an excellent fertilizer for the garden. She goes out to the piles with a shovel and a wheelbarrel and shovels some up then takes it down the road to the Community Garden.

 

Working there that bright, sunny July morning are 3 of 7, Hangon, Alterego, Unicorn Hunter, mjham, Tina, Angel, Echo, Doc42, Ktrek, TrekkieMage and Transporter Malfunction. "Hey, Look what I've got." She yells as she approaches the garden. Tina looks at the Doc and says " What now?" Sacasticly. " It's reindeer poop from the big fight last night. It's all over the road. Jeanway procedes to shovel it into a large barrel there used to collect rain water for the Community Garden. Once it was all in there she stirred it around with the shovel. " Here, water the baby plants with this." She instructed everyone. Everyone dunked their watering cans into the 'Poop Tea' and started walking up and down the rows watering. "This *poopie* stinks." Said Transporter Malfunction.

"Well, so what. It's good for the garden." Tina replied to him. "Stop being so negative!" She retorted.

 

Everyone in the neighborhood has something planted here and enjoy working in the soil. "We should go get the rest of it." Said Doc to Echo. " Yea, let's go!" Everyone answered. So a small fleet of wheelbarrel toten gardeners leave the garden with their wheelbarrels and march right down the middle of Roddenberry Road to get the rest of the Reindeer poop. "NOW THIS IS COMMUNITY SPIRIT!!!"

[TrekkieMage 0]

Hauling out her wheelbarrow and wondering what the h*ll has been going on, TrekkieMage bites her lip and begins to shovel large piles of poop into peoples gardens and wondering how ticked Dr. Who would be if she fertilized his poison ivy...

[Jeanway 0]

As the group of dedicated gardeners shovel the poop in the middle of the road, who comes walking by but, "Smokey the Bear"!! And who is walking next to him but "Bambi"!! :) Smokey asks the group " Do you know only YOU can prevent forest fires?" Everyone stops shovelling for a moment, looks at the bear and the dear, then resumes shovelling. Smokey, being the friendly bear he is, joins right in shovelling the poop into the wheelbarrels. Bambi just squats on the road and adds to the piles. :)

[hangon 3]

@fenriz..how did you know i was sat in the garden with a beer...lol

 

I couldnt find the other mention of my name but i will take it that its all good ..j/k

[fenriz275 0]

Fenriz and Hangon sit back and watch their neighbors shovel reindeer poop. "Do you think we should help? Hangon asks, sipping his beer. "Do you want to play in poop?" Fenriz replies. "Nope." Hangon answers. "Me neither." Fenriz replies. They relax and occasionally shout out a piece of advice to the gardeners.

[Tal 0]

Tal Shiar 8472 see's everyone outside and wondered whats going on so he goes out side and ask's Dr Who. Who ansews him the next thing he knows Jeanway has forced a shovel in his hand and tells him to start shoveling so because everyone else is he does as well. Once all the poop had been shoveled up a put on the garden some of Tal Shiar 8472's officers come out with a few barrels off Romulan Ale and shares it out beteen them.

 

 

:tank: :tomcat: :tank:

 

 

[hangon 3]

So hang and fenriz and Tal sit back and hang shouts"miller time"..*passes fenriz and Tal a cold one*..nice one replys fenriz,btw Hang he asks.."why all the mounds of mud on your lawn"......Hang replys"oh that,i just planted some mines in the garden,all those elves crapping on my lawn.hehe squat now i dare you"..Wow shouts Hang no beer left not good better get some more. :)

[Tal 0]

Tal says to one of his LT's to go Replicate some more and this time put them in ice to keep them kool. Oh and be quick we dont have all day:)

 

 

:tank: :tomcat: :tank:

 

 

[Jeanway 0]

@fenriz..how did you know i was sat in the garden with a beer...lol

 

I couldnt find the other mention of my name but i will take it that its all good :) ..j/k

 

 

"Well, Hang!" Jeanway says. " If you'd been paying attention instead of boozin it up all the time around here, maybe you just might remember." Jeanway points to nik, coming down the road in Hang's old car, the Gremlin. But since nik got it painted an obnoxious metallic, lime green Hang may not recognize his old "Babe Magnet". :)

[hangon 3]

Ah yes the old babe magnet..*starts to day dream*..the amount of times a girl has.....slapped my face in that car*shakes head*..hang stares as his old love machine rolls on by..but then he *looks across to his garage* and see's his new "Girly getter"..hehe hang crackels to him self lets go for a ride but Hang is to drunk to get up.

[Jeanway 0]

GIRLY GETTER?? :) :) Your sooo bad, Hang!!!!!

[ILIKESEVEN 0]

A Little christmas poeëm by ILS (part 2)

 

"Well, the workshop is gone now he decided to bomb it

Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet

And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage

And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage

He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger

And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger

And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen

And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"

[hangon 3]

GIRLY GETTER?? :o  :)  Your sooo bad, Hang!!!!!

Hehe funny thing is thats what i call my car in real life ..as for being bad there is always one bad guy on every street so i might as well be the one on this one :)

[Jeanway 0]

A Little christmas poeëm by ILS (part 2)

 

"Well, the workshop is gone now he decided to bomb it

Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet

And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage

And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage

He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger

And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger

And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen

And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"

 

 

 

 

 

HHMM, I'm seeing little Wierd Als dancing in my head!! :) :)

[nik 0]

Nik backs the Gremlin up to the garden and opens the hatch. Five elves jump out, all wearing white shirts with black writing that says:

 

"IF YOU SEE ME PLANTING MARIJUANA, BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF ME!"

 

Nik steps out and looks around. "Well, boys!" He says. "Get to work!" The elves begin weeding the garden and digging irrigation trenches. As they work, Nik steps behind a large sunflower, and relieves himself.

 

After Nik finishes watering the sunflowers, he goes back to the Gremlin where he pulls out several succulent green plants. Each plant is low to the ground with three pointed leaves per stem and several vinelike runners. Nik smiles to the rest of the gardeners as he walks to the garden.

 

"Got the boys to go get me some real nice plants for the garden." Nik says proudly. he puts his face in the plants and sniffs them deeply. As he works, he takes his shirt off and brushes the sweat off his chest and belly. He walks back to the Gremlin, reaches in, and pulls out a squeegee, which he uses to scrape the sweat off his back.

 

Nik continues to work on the plants, as two elves loiter around the back of the Gremlin snickering.

 

"You got a problem boys!" Nik shouts. "Maybe you'd like to share it with the rest of us!"

 

"No sir!" The elves snap to attention and look down as they stifle laughter.

[fenriz275 0]

Fenriz notices Jeanway struggling with a wheel barrel loaded down with "fertilizer", he jumps out of his lawn chair and runs over to her side. "Let me get that for you." he offers. "Thanks." Jeanway says, wping sweat from her brow. Jeanway leads Fenriz to the compost heap that's growing in the community garden. On the way they pass ILS' house. Standing in his front yard watering the grass ILS follows Jeanway with his eyes as she walks by, Fenriz notices ILS watching Jeanway. ILS suddenly sees Fenriz glaring at him and pretends to be studying his lawn, Fenriz continues staring at ILS until he trips over a crack in the sidewalk and falls face first in the wheel barrel. ILS starts to laugh but trips over his garden hose and falls on his prize rose bushes, flattening them. Jeanway looks at the two of them and shakes her head, "Idiots."

[Jeanway 0]

"NIK! STOP RIGHT THERE!!" Jeanway yells as she enters the garden. From across the field she could see the plants nik was about to plant in the Community garden. They towered over his head. Just then a Police helicopter came into view then approached the field. " Everybody, stay where you are." Came from a bull-horned officer leaning out the side of the helicopter. Just then a stream of police cars entered the field from the road and surrounded the garden an all the gardeners. The doors opened all at once and the cops were everywhere. Tina began to wail and cry, her hands in the air. Nik started blubbering. "OH Man, Not again." Jeanway looked at him with daggers in her eyes. The elves some how escaped the scene through the foliage and got away. Then pistols and shot-guns drawn all the people there were hearded into the waiting cars and, sirens blairing, left the field and headed towards downtown Roddenberry's County Jail.

[Tina 0]

Um Why am i crying?

[DrWho42 13]

=Roddenberry Road=

 

"Hmmm, I could think of better things to do on a hot July day with Echo, rather than shovel up reindeer manure for some Community Garden, when we could just use nanotech or biotech and have the garden grow at an exponential rate..."

[Jeanway 0]

O.K., as unpleasant as this all seems, Doc, Echo, Tina, we are all in jail! Just accept it. Nobody is happy about this. If you want to blame someone, blame nik! :) It's all his fault!! :o Wait til I get my hands on you nik!!!! :)