Lubak10's Log

[Lubak10 0]

Thanks everyone! It's good to be home!

 

Europe:

July 12th

 

I'm at the airport and am waiting to get on the plane. Me and a few others wandered around the airport for about 30 minutes but then our bags got really heavy so we sat down. I never realized how much of a connection these People to People shirts bring. During our wandering we saw another People to People group. They were mostly from down south and were getting back from Japan. We went over to them and easily started a conversation.

Not many of us are nervous anymore. We mostly just want to get on the plane and get this trip started.

 

Since the first two entries are really short I'm going to put them both in today

 

?July 13th?

I'm not sure what day it is, but I do know it's 7:30 in the morning. I'm in London waiting for my plane to Zürich. The plane was awesome! It's the biggest plane I've ever been on. Unfortunately I got stuck in a middle seat but it wasn't that bad. The seats had TVs on them and I watched Hellboy, That 70's Show, and Fraiser. I think I got about an hour of sleep but I'm not sure. All I remember is trying to fall asleep. One thing I noticed about London was that it has a lot more cultural diversity then Michigan. Even in the international terminal back home everyone looked mostly the same. I've only been here 30 minutes and I've seen many different ethnic groups.

 

USA:

8-2-04

 

I'm so glad to be home. When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought was "My alarm didn't go off! What time is breakfast? Do I have time to take a shower?" Then I remembered that I was home and breakfast was anytime I wanted it to be, so I went back to sleep.

I got a letter from Angie at camp and I realized how much I miss her! I'm going to ask her if she can get her parents to take her home for just one day before they go to their cabin so I can see her and hang out or something.

 

 

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's

another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of

nonconformity.

-- Bill Vaughan

 

To see pictures go to my photo album

[Lubak10 0]

Europe:

July 13th

 

This time I am sure of the date. I'm in my first hotel in Switzerland. I can't remember the name of the town, but I can find out later. This morning I was sure that I was going to complain about how horrible the beginning of the trip was, because it really did suck! All day in airports or on airplanes with about 1 hour of sleep isn't much fun. The worst part was I couldn't even tell that I was out of the USA. The airports looked the same. The good news is that the day didn't stay like that. On the ride to the hotel I amused myself by waving to passing cars. A few waved back but most of them weren't looking. If you live in Switzerland and waved to a tired looking girl on a bus, that was me. After that got boring I began to look at the scenery. It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I've never seen anything as awe inspiring as those mountains. The best part is that I got the best room in the hotel. Well, me and my roommate, Kristie, got the best room. It has a balcony that has the most breathtaking view. Our window on the other side has an amazing view as well. I've already taken so many pictures!

 

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This is part of my view.

 

 

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And this is another part.

 

 

The group I came here with has already started to form sub-groups. Mine sat together at dinner and we had the best time! Joe is the funniest guy I have ever met. We laughed so hard during the entire dinner. I would try and explain his jokes but a lot of it is visual. I've never felt that comfortable with a group of people before. I've always had to watch what I do and say but with these guys I can just be myself.

After dinner a bunch of us went up to the roof (which you could get to through our balcony) and took pictures. In the town below there were a lot of Swiss Army soldiers walking around. We checked them out with the zoom lenses on our cameras, but then decided that it would be more fun to see them up close. We went down and saw that one of our delegation leaders, Rodney, was talking to two soldiers, so we joined him. We had a really interesting conversation with them about the differences and similarities between out two cultures. Plus the fact that they were cute certainly helped me enjoy myself. We got our pictures taken with them for fun.

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Me and Bobbie. I'm the one in the green sweatshirt

 

 

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Joe and Kristie

 

 

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The Swiss soldiers, Bobbie, Kristie, and me

 

 

USA:

8-4-04

I'm still a bit jet lagged. I went to bed at 8pm last night, and I haven't done that in ages. I'm starting to feel a lot older. I got my first debt card yesterday, I'm going to get my license soon, I'm getting a cell phone soon, and once I get my license and can figure out transport I'm going to get a job. It's kinda freaky.

I'm going to Ann Arbor today to visit Zinngermans (don't know if I spelled it right, but it's the best!) deli and visit a bunch of used bookstores. Fun fun!

 

 

You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.

- Albert Einstein

[Lubak10 0]

Europe:

July 14th

This morning started out horrible! The only good part was when I looked out my window and saw my wonderful view. The rest was downhill. When I took my shower I didn't realize that the shower curtain wasn't on the inside of the tub so water got everywhere. Then, when I tried to hang the wet towels on the curtain rod it fell under the weight. And finally, when I tried to leave the bathroom the lock wouldn't unlock. It took me about 5 minutes to get it undone and it freaked me out!

The rest of the day wasn't that bad. We visited a woodcarving shop and the carvings were amazing! I would have bought a music box but I forgot my money. Then we went to the top of the mountain Schilthorn where part of a James Bond movie was filmed. We went up by cable car and the view was spectacular! The pictures I took will never do it justice. We ate lunch halfway up the mountain and waved to the cable cars going up.

I noticed one difference that got really annoying. It's that people here don't believe in lines. They will push their way through and try to slip in here and there. None of us were sure how to react because we didn't want to be rude but we didn't want to let them separate the group. This happened a lot when we went to see this indoor waterfall. There's this cave not far from Schilthorn mountain that has a waterfall on the inside of it. It was pretty cool to see. Unfortunately not many pictures came out because it was so dark inside. It made me glad that I had a digital camera because I could delete the bad pictures.

When we got back to the hotel some of us hung out on the roof again. There was some sort of festival going on and we did a lot of people watching. The soldiers we met yesterday were there, and we called to them but they didn't look up.

 

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This is the festival

 

 

 

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One of the many parts of the indoor waterfall

 

 

 

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Me on top of Schilthorn mountain

 

 

 

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The view from Schilthorn

 

 

 

USA:

8-5-04

Still jet lagged but in the end it might turn out to be a good thing. I'm on a schedule where I go to bed early and wake up early, which will help when school starts. It's a bit weird to think that school will be starting soon. I'm going camping with Al next week and as soon as I get back I need to go school shopping. Oh well. At least i get to take comparative religions and astronomy. That should be fun.

Mom, Hannah and Meghan are at the county fair right now. I decided not to go because A) I'll get some quite time to myself B ) Going to the county fair with my Mom and two middle schoolers doesn't sound like much fun. I should be doing the dishes, but I'm a procrastinator.

 

 

Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed and well-fed.

-Herman Melville

[RikerChick 5]

Great pics

[Lubak10 0]

Thanks RC!

 

Europe:

July 15th

 

I wasn't looking forward to today but it didn't turn out to be that bad. First we went to a cheese factory and learned how cheese is made. The speaker wasn't very exciting but it was interesting enough to learn about. Then we visited a monastery where about 75 monks live. The monastery was in this town because hundreds of years ago some monks had been traveling trying to find a suitable place to build their monastery. When they got to this town they saw an angel on top of one of the mountains and took it as a sign from God. That's also why the town is called Angel-berg and the mountain, Angel mountain. I'm not sure if I believe that they actually saw an angel. I believe that it is possible that what they saw was an angel, but it could have been a lot of other things too. In the monastery, a lot of the stones that made up the floor had been carried down the mountain by monks. These must have been buff monks because these stones were huge! At the end of our visit one of the monks played the organ for us. The organ there was one of the biggest in the world. He was really good but the piece he played for us was really long.

After the monastery we visited a swiss farm for lunch and had "farm Olympics." This is the part I wasn't looking forward to. We did things like play horseshoes and assembled a milk machine. We did pretty good considering none of us knew how a milk machine worked. We also had to whip cream into butter by hand so that it was think enough to hold over someone's head for 5 seconds. One thing I learned about Swiss farming is that during the summer all the cows go up into the mountains, then come back down to the farm in the winter. All in all, this part of the trip wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. After the farm Olympics this scientist guy took us on a nature walk. He pointed out all these eatable plants and taught us about trees and mountains. We walked to "the end of the world," which was a place that you couldn't go any farther because of the mountains. The hike was hard at times because it got really steep, but it was fun.

I washed some of my clothes today and found out that hand washing is much harder then I thought and I'm horrible at it. I got the clothes washed but I'm not sure how well and I broke a glass in the process. Not fun. I had some sort of British soap opera on for backround noise. I didn't like it that much but it was the only thing in English. Last night I watched part of a Stargate SG-1 episode in German (at least I think it was German). Unfortunately it was one I hadn't seen before so I didn't really know what was going on.

 

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The presentation at the cheese factory

 

 

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The monistary

 

 

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Inside the monistary

 

 

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There was a room full of these in the monastery. Each one showed a different virtue.

 

 

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Lunch in a Swiss barn

 

 

USA:

8-6-04

 

Last night I went to a bookstore and bought Jesus Freaks Vol II. I loved the first one and have been looking for this one for forever! I spent the rest of my money but it was definitely worth it.

I'm probably going to go see Spiderman 2 tonight, but not in IMAX even though they're playing it on that screen. IMAX is about $9 per ticket and that's a bit expensive for two times in one week.

I'll probably be able to take my drivers test when I get back from camping with Al. I'm so excited! The only thing that worries me is parallel parking. I've only done it once and I wasn't very good. Dad said he would take me out to this church nearby that has cones set up for people to practice with.

 

People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?

My best friend was born in a manger.

-DC Talk

[Lubak10 0]

Europe:

July 16th

 

Today was mostly traveling. We moved on from Switzerland to Germany. I miss my room in Switzerland cause this one is really tiny. It's smaller then my room at home (which is a small room) and I have to share it with a roommate. She's a cool girl but this room is too small for a roommate. On the way to Germany we stopped at a few places. First we went to a glass blowing factory and saw the history of glass and how it is made. It was really interesting how making glass went from a top secret process to people taking tours of factories. There was a playroom at the end of the tour which was a lot of fun. It had all these little tricks with prisms and things like that, and at the end they had wine glasses set up that you could play music on by getting your finger wet and running it along the rim.

After the glass factory we stopped at Rhien falls. This was pretty much just a cool waterfall. We only had 45 minutes there, just enough time to snap a few pictures but one of our group, Kate, managed to do something more. There was a little playground there and she fell off the slide and twisted her ankle. I think she's at the hospital now. I feel really sorry for her but at least she doesn't have to hike tomorrow. I like to hike but our delegation manager goes so fast that sometimes you have to literally jog to keep up. Plus a lot of our hikes are uphill which makes it twice as hard. I understand why we need to go fast when we're in the big cities and need to get from place to place as fast as we can, but when we're hiking I want to slow down and see the scenery a bit. My group (which consists of Bobbie, Kristie, Joe and me) talked to Randy about trying to slow down a bit. He said he agreed with us and would do what he could.

The rest of the way to our hotel we played a get to know you game. It was fun and I realized that I shouldn't judge people by their mannerisms. There was one guy who I had labeled as a jerk but turned out to be really nice. The one thing I'm worried about is we'll be tested on what we learned later and I have a really bad memory so I'm not sure I'll be able to remember what I learned.

We passed the Swiss-German border to get here and our leaders warned us that soldiers might come aboard and inspect the bus. When they didn't we were all disappointed because we all wanted to see German guys with guns.

 

Rhien falls (I would put these in spoilers but they wont work)

 

The glass blowing factory

 

A little girl helps blow the glass

 

Relaxing at Starbucks

 

USA:

8-8-04

 

I wont be posting again for about a week cause I'm leaving to go camping with my friend, Al. I think her one year old sister is coming too which is cool cause she's sooooooooo cute . I do feel a bit guilty about leaving so soon after I get back, but I'll be home for months when school starts. Speaking of which, I need to go school shopping when I get back. Oh well. At least I get to take some fun classes this year. Comparative Religions and Astronomy are the one's I'm most looking forward too. Not much else is going on because it's summer and not much happens in the summer.

 

 

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.

- Franklin P Adams.

[RikerChick 5]

Have a great time camping.

[A l t e r E g o 9]

I wanna go camping too! Great pics, the spoiler feature should be back online soon. Have fun Lubak!

[Lubak10 0]

I'm back. You wouldn't have wanted to go camping, Alterego. I had lots of fun but it was cold and rainy the whole time.

 

Europe:

July 17th

 

I'm feeling kinda weird today. I got answering machines for both Angie and my family and I got really sad when I couldn't reach them. I guess it's homesickness but i didn't expect to get it. One of the things I was looking forward to was getting away from my family for a few weeks. Now I want to cry because I can't talk to them. Life is so complicated. Something like that happened at the airport too. My mom left early because she didn't want to interfere with me talking to people and I really missed her when she left. Why does life have to be so complicated and weird? Maybe it's just hormones making me feel all weird.

The first thing we did was visit a cuckoo clock factory next to the black forest. It was kind of boring because we had already been told how cuckoo clocks work when we visited the woodcarver. The clocks there were really pretty though. They also had a lot of other clocks besides cuckoos and I try to explain them but I know I wont do a good job since I'm horrible at explaining things. They also had a giant cuckoo clock on the side of the building. I've seen them before in places like Frankenmuth(sp?) but it was still cool to see, especially when Austin and Jeff started to dance to the music. The best part of the factory was I was able to exchange some money. The place took American money and they gave me my change in Euros, which was nice.

After the cuckoo clocks we walked into the black forest and planted a tree in Honor of our delegation. It was fun and it will be nice to go back in 30 years or so and show my kids.

We had lunch in a café below the cuckoo clock factory and they served us black forest cake for dessert. It wasn't that good cause the whipped cream didn't have any added sugar, but it was real black forest cake in Germany so I ate it anyway. There was what looked like a watch vending machine near my table, but when people went to use it, it only gave them gum. Weird, but of well. After that we took a nature hike that was kind of fun but very hard. It was also poor planing to schedule a hike on that day because we had to walk to the cottage we ate dinner at and to the swimming hole we visited. We learned not to trust our manager, Michelle, when she said it was a "short" walk. I didn't swim at the swimming hole because after all that walking I just wanted to sit and not move. I also strengthened my opinion that Tim is a jerk. There was a topless girl at the swimming hole and he kept making all these derogatory comments. I just wanted to scream "SHUT UP! You're not funny, you're just making an a$$ of yourself!"

Dinner was at this really tiny cottage where this guy came and barbecued for us. He gave me a slightly dirty look when I said I didn't want any cause I was a vegetarian. Most of the food looked pretty American which was a change from what we had been eating the last couple days. We also had an accordion player come and play for us, which shocked us at first cause he just burst in and started playing and we didn't know he would be there. After a while the accordion player and our guide grabbed a few guys from our group and had them play this musical chairs game, but with hats.

On our way back to the hotel our leaders played "Barbie Girl" over the speakers and said "if anyone is late they will be singing this at the front of the coach." I don't know about everyone else but that is major incentive to not be late.

 

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Planting our tree

 

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Our tree

 

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The accordion player

 

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Playing musical hats

 

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The black forest

 

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The evil watch machine

 

USA:

8-13-04

 

I had a lot of fun camping. At first I really regretted coming because there was no showers and a port-a-potty for a bathroom and my period had started and I just wasn't having much fun. Fortunately it was all uphill from there and I ended up having a really good time. Al's stepfather, Paul, is hilarious and her little sister (Al is a girl. Al is short for Alyse), Veronica, turned 1 year old while we were there and she is so cute. There was also a 2 year old, a 3 year old and a 5 month old with the other family we went camping with.

One night by the camping fire we had a major discussion about God, Faith, and being Catholic. It helped me a lot to talk about that stuff with people that are more advanced in their faith and that alone made the trip worth it.

 

 

You are my comfort and my God. Is this one for the people or one for the Lord?

-DC Talk

[WEAREBORG4102 0]

Have a nice day and Go to Christ All in All

[Lubak10 0]

Today I'm not going to post about my trip, I'm going to do something a bit different. While I was cleaning my room (I know it's a shock :( ) I found a notebook that I had been using for a journal at the beginning of my sophomore year. This was almost exactly one year ago and I couldn't believe how much I had changed in one year. It's only about three or four days of material, but I've decided to copy it down here so I can have it to look back on.

 

9-11-03

I have so much to say i don't even know where to start. For simple's sake I'll begin with friends. The only reals ones I have live on the other side of the world. The ones I have here suck. Angie - I've known her for 10 years and we're not close at all. She's always downplaying me and my importance. If I like it and she doesn't, then it's stupid. If she's good at it, I should be too. If she knows a lot about a certain subject then so should I. I hate it so much. She also never listens to me. At SpringHill it was 11pm, we had to get up at 6:30am, and Spoons was reading to us, and she wanted to talk. It was important stuff that I wanted to talk about too, but now was not the time. It seems like that happens a lot in my life. Anyway, I told Angie not now and she said "ok, but bla bla bla bla." That happened three times. Am I speaking a foreign language or something? Why can't she listen? And she's always saying I'm a dork because I like Star Trek. You don't see me making fun of Kingdom Hearts even though I think it's stupid and childish.

Killy is the worst. She is always right no matter what. That gets annoying but that's not what I hate. What I hate is when if you're wrong about something, how could you think that, you must be stupid, don't you know anything. If she's wrong, oh well, we're all human, anyone could make mistakes.

Melissa is a slacker. She doesn't care about anything. She's in 10th grade and she's taking 8th grade math just to get her credits in with the least bit effort. She gives no thought to her future at all. I want to help her but I don't know how.

The one thing that really gets on my nerves is the kids at my school. They don't realize how good they have it. Whenever a teacher gives homework or a test they swear and insult the teacher under their breath. It makes me feel very superior to them in my mind. I'm a lot better then them. I'm pretty arrogant. I'd rather be that then stupid though.

This shrink guy is my last hope. If he just says I need to get over myself then I don't know what I'll do. I feel like I'm being torn apart. I'm so scared of everything. I just want to curl up and hide from everything. I want to die but then I'm scared of the afterlife. God scares me. I can feel him so I know he's there, but all the contradictions of religion confuses me. I feel like I'm not worthy enough to talk to him. And I don't believe in Hell, but there is always that nagging question "What if?" What if Hell is real and I'm going there because I don't believe. It's such a dead end. Wanting to die but being to afraid of the unknown to do it. Then I'm not even sure if I want to die. Life sux. I'm just a spoiled brat. I'm not clinically depressed and there is no reason my life for me to feel the way I do. Maybe i should just kill myself. But I can't cause that much pain. I'm sick of all the lies. I'm sick of faking everything. I'm sick of feeling the way I do. I'm sick of no one caring enough. I'm sick of humanities stupidity. I'm sick of life. I'm sick of getting no respect. I'm sick of my family. I'm sick of sex. I'm sick of people. I'm sick of God. I'm sick of war. I'm sick of confusion. I'm sick of doubt. I'm sick of me. I don't want to be here. I'm sick of being hot at night and cold in the morning. I'm sick of bugs. I'm sick of pop up adds. I'm sick of fat. I'm sick of "Friends." I'm sick of this planet. I'm sick of rituals. I'm sick of jerks. I'm sick of feeling the way I do. I'm sick of liking it. I'm sick of this goddamn world. I wish I were a Vulcan.

 

9-12-03

This morning in Salt and Light I outright lied to everyone. When it was my turn to talk about my weekend i made everything I said up. I said that I was trying to get my dad to believe in Go when really I'm not. I want to but I don't know how. Then I said i was debating religion with a friend online when I really was talking to VaBeachGuy about Enterprise. God, I'm such a looser. I fake things so much even when I'm being real I try to remember all my lies. And how come whenever I'm not tired in the morning I'm almost falling asleep in class, but when I can hardly get up in the morning I'm fine during the day. Why does life have to be so contradictory. Why can't my family just leave me be. I hate them. I'm so much better then them. I was just thinking, if anyone read this they would want to get as far away from me as possible. Why does Andrea have to be so perfect. She's pretty, smart, has a voice like an angel, great close relationships with her friends, I'm sure she's smart too. I'm the opposite of her. I'm evil, twisted, ugly, dumb, no friends. She has everything I could ever want. I can't even hate her for it because she's so nice. My life is so messed up. I'm better off alone. At least them I can't make a fool of myself. Whenever I'm around people I always say or do the wrong thing. Even when I try to help I end up screwing things up. Even my Dad says I'm immature. He's wrong though. The guys at the table across from me are immature. I am so above them. I hate Erin. She is such a (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't)! She's mean to everybody. How come she has friends and I don't. I don't want them, but the fact that she is mean and I'm not, yet she has friends and I don't puzzles me.

I feel like John Proctor. I know I'm evil but I'm trying to hid it. I guess I'm kind of like Lizzie Spalding too. Life is so unfair. The one person who's showing a little bit of compassion and caring is the one person I don't want it from. Killy. It also confuses me.

 

9-13-03

Life is very complicated. How come the Bible is so confusing. Isn't it supposed to be a source of wisdom and whatever. Religion is hard. I know there is a God. I can feel his presence. But then sometimes i can't. Nothing is simple in this life is it. A lot of the rules and stuff don't make sense. Like Homosexuality. What's up with that. It's supposed to be morally wrong, but gays can't help the way the feel anymore then straights can. So why would God make a rule that says no homos then give people homo tendencies? It doesn't make sense! Nothing makes sense. I don't think i like the book of Mark. It goes too fast. All it does is tell you the summary of the story, but not the story itself. I think I'll read Luke next. I like the name Luke. Tomorrow is going to suck! I didn't do any homework today do I have to do it all tomorrow. Oh well. Just go into it with a positive attitude and it will be alright. I hope I get an email from Chris. Naveen too. I really like them. I can't wait to go to college! I'll have my own car, a laptop, maybe a cell phone and I'll be making my own decisions.

I'm a bit nervous about going to see my therapist on Thursday. I don't even know his name. Is he going to be an old guy or is he going to be young and cute? Will I be able to talk to him? What's he going to be like? I hope mom doesn't go with me. That kinda defeats the whole purpose. I like that he's a trekkie. I was just imagining that he was VBG. Like that's going to happen. Tired now. Going to sleep.

 

8-14-04

There's still a lot more, but I've been typing for a while so I'll either edit this post later or make a new one tomorrow. The girl who wrote that seems so different from the girl I am now. Ang- I love you like a sister! I don't know what made me think or say that, but that's not me now. I love you! You and Al are the best friends I could have hoped for.

[Lubak10 0]

8-15-04

I'm feeling kinda lazy so I'm not going to post the second part of my journal from last year and just do a normal entry. My Dad took me out this afternoon to practice my parallel parking for my drivers test which I still haven't taken even though I'm already 16. I did pretty well but I still need practice. When I was camping with Al I found out that she still hasn't taken drivers ed for no other reason then she doesn't want to, which i didn't understand at all. I couldn't wait to take it so I could get my license. Oh well.

I can't wait for my B-Day party on Tuesday. Al is coming and will probably stay till Friday, which means she'll need to go to registration with me but I don't think she'll mind considering she wanted to go to school with me on the first day since she starts later (she moved away last year). Anyway, back to the party. We're going to have chocolate fondue :blink: and watch The Count of Monte Cristo and Gaslight. Fun! My dad is already making plans to not be around the house till we'll be in the basement talking. Poor daddy :blink: .

 

 

O Lord, help me not to despise or oppose what I do not understand.

-William Penn

[Lubak10 0]

Ok, I'm back. That birthday party I was talking about lasted for three days instead of just one, so this is the first chance in a while that I've been able to get on the computer by myself. Now I'm going to finish that "1 year ago" thing I started.

 

9-15-03

 

I'm so much happier now that I'm back with God. I can't wait to get my pocket Bible. My full size one gets big and bulky when I carry it around in my bag. I do believe that this time I will loose the weight. Now I have a real motivator. I can't wait for the Europe trip. I thank God with all my heart for giving me this opportunity. Fund raising wont be much fun but I believe that if I go into it with a positive attitude that it wont be that bad. There are times when I really hate my mom. I don't think there is ever a time when I like her. She has this "I;m the adult and you're the kid so I'm right and you're wrong" attitude that really pisses me off. And shes got the "do as I say, not as I do" thing down. "Don't take your anger out on other people!" She's always taking her anger out on me. In fact, nine times out of ten I hold it in and don't say anything. That's probably why I'm so messed up. And half the reason I do that is because it's never time for a fight. We're always in the middle of something or I want something from her. Lucky me i can't be mad in front of her or she'll take my Europe trip away. I realize she's under stress but being a teenager isn't exactly fun. Especially when you are an evil lowlife like me. And I am evil. If you asked me "if you had a gun would you take it to school and shoot people?" I don't know what my answer would be. I have thought about it before. And that scares me. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone or looking at a picture I'll imagine something bad happening to them like their head being chopped off or something. I am so morbid. Life scares me so much. I'm so weak. I just want to curl up into a little ball and make the whole world go away. I just want to be alone, why can't you see that. Whenever I'm in a group I get thrown to the bottom and forgotten. No one ever remembers me. I one want one friend. Someone that I get really close to. Guy or girl I don't care. Just someone. I suck so much. I'm a lazy fat-butt who can't do anything right. And I mean nothing. Nothing I ever do is anything better then good enough. This whole world sux. Humans don't deserve to live on a beautiful world.

I hate it when people dis other people just because of how they look. Hannah was doing it in French and i started to go along which is kind of ironic because I'm so ugly. Why do I pull myself down to their level. I'm so much better then them. I hate Angie. She acts like she's so much better then I am when really it's me who's better then her. Man, do i have an ego. I'm such an extremist.

 

9-16-03

 

I think I figured out why I feel like I'm just looking at the world through a foggy glass. When you see something you don't like your iris closes so you don't have to see it as well. I often don't like the world that I see. I can't do anything right. I ate my lunch this morning again. I didn't study for my test last night so I couldn't answer some of the questions. I'm always doing things at the wrong time or in the wrong place. I suck. I deserve this Hell I'm in. I'm such an idiot. I'm better off alone. Then I can't make a fool of myself, which I always seem to do. Then I also don't have to deal with the inferiority of humanity. I wish I was a Vulcan. Things would be so much easier and better. Emotions suck! They're not worth it. I do like sad and angry though. They give me a feeling of such power.

 

9-17-03

 

I am such a dork. I'm being all responsible and printing out my visual aid for French during lunch because my printer is broken and then I realize that I forgot my notes at home. There i no way I'll ever remember the names of all those cathedrals. Oh well, I'll just do it tomorrow. Maybe I can even collect some more fact tonight. I suck. The one good thing is Enterprise is on tonight. I can't wait. i have to walk while I watch though. I suck, I suck, I suck.

 

9-18-03

 

I am such a dork. I didn't do my French homework last night or my drivers ed. Then this morning when I had time, what did I do? I played on the internet. No homework was done. I'm such a dork. At least I can do my french at lunch. Knowing me I'll buy food with the dollar I have and make myself even fatter. I'm such a pig. I made a really stupid comment on a worksheet and now I wish I hadn't. I can't even spell. I'm so tired. All I want right now is to sleep. I think I'm going to take a nap.

 

 

8-21-04

 

I still can't believe how much I've changed since I wrote that. I can't even remember why I felt that way. The girl who wrote it seems so different then the girl I am now.

[Lubak10 0]

Ok, here's the deal. I know I haven't been updating my Europe trip in a while but you are all going to have to wait a little bit longer. It takes forever to type my journal entries and I don't have time for that now that school has started and my free time is going to be less and less as the year goes on. So, my plan is to set aside some time this weekend and type as much of my trip as I possibly can in one sitting so when my time is a scarce commodity I can just copy and paste. The only downside to this is you wont get any Europe till at least Monday. Sorry, but it's only a few days and it will save me a lot of time in the future.

 

 

8-24-04

 

*sigh* The first day of school. I guess it had to happen eventually. It's really not that bad though. As I'm sure I've said before, this is my fun year. I'm finally in a choir that has no freshman and BOYS! Do you know how long it's been since I've been in a choir with boys? Two years! And the freshman were really annoying last year. I was so glad to be rid of them. Another cool thing is I have British Literature with Angie and we get to pick our own seats so I get to sit next to her, plus our groups for projects are determined by where we sit so we'll get to do our projects together. Considering that we haven't had a class together since 1st grade, except for a semester of French, this is a huge deal! My other classes were pretty cool two. My bad classes weren't as bad as I thought they would be and my fun classes were fun. Well, at least as fun as they could be on the first day. The first day of school is just intros and going over the rules that you've heard a million times over. We have a new principal and he is very energetic. He's all smiles and always enthusiastic. I wonder if he'll be that way in June.

 

 

 

And if I’m flying solo, at least I’m flying free.

-Elphaba

[Lubak10 0]

8-25-04

 

When I woke up this morning I had a feeling that it would be a bad day. The whole atmosphere had the oder of "not fun." I turned out to be semi-right. First my hair would not do what I wanted it to no matter what (and for a 16 year old girl, that's a BIG deal!) which meant it looked crappy all day . Plus I couldn't get my contacts in for some reason that is still unknown to me. Other then that it wasn't as bad as I expected, except for the fact that all day I was thinking "my hair looks horrible, my hair looks horrible, where's a paper bag when you need it?" I usually don't care about such things but for some reason it bugged me today.

Angie wasn't in school today which worried me a bit. She had a doctors appointment yesterday and I'm worried something went wrong. It's probably nothing. She has bronchitis and the only reason she came to school yesterday was because it was the first day of school, and she was complaining about not feeling well a lot.

I should probably go start my Astronomy homework that's due Friday, but I'm a procrastinator so I'd have to fight a lot of instinct. Oh well, it's better then my parents skinning me alive. They know I like that subject so if I don't get a good grade.........*shudders*.

 

 

 

We are bits of stellar matter that got cold by accident, bits of a star gone

wrong.

-- Sir Arthur Eddington

[Lubak10 0]

8-26-04

 

I just found out something really cool that I'm not sure if I should tell because I might jinx it. Oh well, if I don't tell I'll burst and that's worse then jinxing. I might get to go to NYC for spring break! Angie's aunt is going and if Angie's cousin's spring break happens about the same time as ours she will probably take Angie and then Angie will try and convince her to take me too! I hope we get to go. We've only been talking about going to NYC to see Wicked and Avenue Q for months! HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY!

 

 

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to

ram it down their throats.

-- Howard Aiken

[Lubak10 0]

8-28-04

 

I am officially a Stargate Atlantis fan. I liked the original but never really got into it, but this I can see myself watching regularly. This means that I if I wasn't a dork before, I am now since I will be spending my Friday nights watching Enterprise and StarGate Atlantis. Does it get any more dork then that? I also have an Atlantis AIM expression which looks awesome. (ang- did you know they have Kingdom Hearts expressions?)

I have almost no homework this weekend, and while that's cool it's also a little weird. I mean, I'm a junior. I would think I would have more homework on a weekend then just a bit of reading. It's probably because the teachers don't want to do to much before everyone is finished dropping classes. I'm not complaining, I hate homework. It's just a bit weird.

 

 

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the

morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

-- Robert Frost

[Lubak10 0]

8-28-04 continued

 

GUESSWHATGUESSWHATGUESSWHAT!!!!!!! I GET TO GO TO NEW YORK!!!!!!!! *does her happy dance* Angie just called and her parents are taking her to New York in October and they're gonna take me! The details haven't been worked out so my parents haven't said yes yet but it's pretty much a sure thing. Plus, while I'm there I get to see Avenue Q! How cool is that!!!! *screams in excitement*

[A l t e r E g o 9]

B) Congrats L10! B)

[Lubak10 0]

8-29-04

 

I don't get to go to New York. It just got to expensive considering I've only been back from Europe for about a month. I was really upset about it and actually went up to my room and cried, but thankfully I didn't yell at my parents. It's not their fault and they just sent me to Europe. I called Angie to tell her I couldn't go and I was really hoping she would take it badly so I could yell and scream at someone. Unfortunately she understood. I'm ok now but it seemed like the end of the world a few hours ago. At least now I'll probably be able to get Angie to burn me the Avenue Q and Wicked songs onto CD. If I can't see them I might as well be able to listen to them. Plus my mom usually takes me to one show a year at our local theater on campus and The Producers is here this year. That will be fun to see.

 

 

Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody

like Norman Einstein.

-- Joe Theismann, Former quarterback

[RikerChick 5]

Sorry it didn't work out.

[Lubak10 0]

Europe:

July 18th

We did a lot of traveling today. But before we left we took a walking tour of freeburg, the town we were in. It was nice. We took a fast but not to fact pace and it wasn’t that hot. Plus we ended the walk with a trip to an ice cream store. We stopped for lunch in the town of Heidelberg. There was this awesome castle there and you could see the whole town from the top. The only problem is that to get to the top we had to climb a slope that was at least a 70 degree angle. It was made even more horrible by the fact that it was HOT! Incredibly hot. More hot then I have ever been in my whole life. And there was no relief until we got to the air conditioned bus which wasn’t going to be for a while. It would have been really nice if it wasn’t so hot. At least there was some comic relief because Tim and a few others were late and had to sing Barbie Girl.

 

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This is a church in the town I stayed in

 

USA:

8-30-04

 

I'm really really nervous! Tomorrow I'm going to try out for my school's musical, Fiddler on the Roof. This will be the first time I've ever done musical and the only reason I'm doing it is because I LOVE Fiddler! Plus if I don't I wonder if I could and that's not fun. I seriously doubt that I'll get a lead because there are A LOT of talented people at my school, but even a chores part would be cool. Oh well, even if I don't get it I can still watch it.

 

 

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

-- Unknown

[Lubak10 0]

July 19th

This morning I woke up and found out that the night before some of the girls in my delegation had been harassed by some boys. The boys had been calling out to them and then they started throwing candy bars and coins onto their balcony. The girls were ok, just scared, but I’m not sure what happened to the boys. I’m not even sure if they figured out who did it. When I went back up to my room I checked my balcony but I didn’t see anything there. One of the girls who was harassed was Ariel but I can’t remember who else was involved. I would have been so scared!

We spent about 4 hours in the coach today. I sat next to Jeff the whole time and he is a pretty cool guy. He’s really shy but once you get past his shell and get him talking he turned out to be really nice and sweet. He is definitely a change of pace from the usuall people I hang out with. They are a lot more outgoing and like to play around with dirty innuendo. I love hanging out with them, they’re so much fun. Anyway, back to Jeff. I found out that he likes quotes too, which was cool. I think he fell asleep on my shoulder during part of the trip. I was asleep too so I’m not sure. When the ride was over a lot of people said that if a girl was sleeping on a guys shoulder the leaders woke them up and told them that they couldn’t do that. I guess that me and Jeff are so innocent seeming that they figured it was ok. I also found out that the leaders have a list of the couples forming (I almost said spawning but it seemed like a poor choice of words). On it is Tim and Ariel, Anna and Bryan, and Kate and Tyler. I didn’t hear Bobbi and Joe’s names mentioned but they are probably on it. Those two, me and Kristie were up on the 6th floor hanging out and Bobbie was straddling Joe giving him a back massage and Jessica walked in on us. I don’t think she cared but she probably told other people. In fact, that’s probably why the “no touching” rule is being so strictly enforced.

We stopped at this windmill park on the way to the hotel. It was kinda cool but we only spent about 15 minutes there.

 

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This is Jeff, Amy, and Iresha.

 

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Joe and Bobbie

 

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Jacob

 

 

USA:

8-31-04

 

I did it! I tried out for Fiddler on the Roof! I was so close to chickening out but in the end I went in there and did it. I'm positive that I wont get a lead but hopefully I end up as some backround character. Of coerce I think I did horrible but that's because I'm the one who auditioned. Even if I were the best one there i would still think I was the worst. The choir director said he was glad I showed up so I guess that's a good sign.

My English teacher is the coolest. She is so animated and fun. We're doing Beowulf right now and today in class she did her impression of Beowulf to "Bad to the Bone." It was hilarious! The only bad part of that class is that the vocab quizzes include spelling. :unsure: <-- me when I have to spell.

[Lubak10 0]

July 20th

Today was a lot of fun. The first thing we did was see the Hague, but we didn’t actually go inside. We just stopped for a few minutes and took pictures. After that we stopped in a small tourist town and went shopping. I bought lots of stuff. I got one of those “someone who loves me” shirts for Meghan and a wallet for Hannah. I also bought a few little things that I’ll figure out who to give to later. For Angie I got a lighter even though I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t supposed to buy lighters.

While my group was shopping we found out that one of the guys, Jacob, likes a girl back home named Rusty. We tried to help him find something for her but we didn’t have much luck. He said nothing felt right. After shopping we took a bike tour on granny bikes and it was so much fun. We passed a bunch of really cool sites and when we stopped Austin did a handstand and his nametag fell off. He didn’t realize it at first and as he was walking away some little boys that had been fishing in a nearby river grabbed it. They made Austin chase after them a bit but they eventually gave it back. The funniest part was as we were leaving one of the boys yelled “I am sexy!” The first thing I thought was “you’ve been talking to your older brother too much.” Our next stop was the clogs and cheese factory. The cheese part was kind of boring because we had already seen a presentation on it, but the clog making was cool. The guy just went about doing his normal work making a clog but he threw in a lot of jokes. He was pretty funny most of the time so we laughed even at the lame jokes. At the end he gave the clog he made to Lanaya. At the gift shop I bought two little pen holder clogs for my mom and dad. At lot of people bought full sized clogs but they will probably have to ship them home because there is no room in our already packed suitcases. Two more girls had to sing Barbie Girl because they were late. They didn’t know the words any better then Tim did. It was Jordan and some else that I can’t remember.

 

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The Hague

 

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The woman who took us on our bike ride

 

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Getting ready for our ride

 

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The clog making dude

 

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There were rows and row of clogs along the entire ceiling

 

USA:

9-1-04

 

Not a good day. Mostly because of hormones, but still not a good day. Not only did my little friend join me today my my throat feels like its on fire. Plus I have to write this stupid summery for Lit class and I can't write summaries to save my life. Plus I still need to study for my quizzes tomorrow that I'm going to fail. How fun.

 

 

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are

still greater.

-- Albert Einstein

[Lubak10 0]

July 21st

One weird thing I found out about Amsterdam is that if a bike doesn’t have a lock you can take it. So if your bike gets stolen you just go grab another one. Also, you have to be careful about what coffee shops you go into because in a lot of them you can get pot. There’s a lot of openness about pot and stuff like that here. When I was shopping yesterday there were lots of shirts that had references to pot on them.

We went to the house that Anne Frank hid in while we were in Amsterdam. They didn’t let us take pictures which sucked but I still enjoyed it. I didn’t get as emotional as others in my delegation did. Anne Frank’s story didn’t touch me that much. If I had read a diary that she wrote while she was in the camp or something then it would have effected me more. Plus, I’ve read stuff by Elie Wiesel and his books are 10 times more emotional because he does tell what it is like in the camps.

During lunch we took a river cruise through Amsterdam. It was nice but long and it got boring. I’m being corrupted by Kristie, Joe and Bobbie. I’m messing with sexual innuendo, swearing and play flirting. But I have a lot of fun with them and I can be myself without worrying about them making fun of me. That’s the one thing I can’t do with my friends back home. I always have to watch what I say and do so they don’t make fun of me. It really gets on my nerves.

We also went to a chocolate factory. They did a short demonstration on how to make chocolate and then we could buy some. I got five boxes. One for me, one for my parents and Hannah, one for Jakie and Dennis (my neighbors), and one for each set of grandparents. I’ve had some already and its sooooooo good! After we bought chocolate we took a horse and carriage ride through the city, which was really pretty. It had this really old look to it which gave it this feel of history that was really cool. While the carriage was moving Rachel’s chocolate fell off and she was so cute about it. She yelled “stop the carriage” in her cute little voice and jumped off to get her chocolate. The horse also lost a shoe while we were riding.

Our hotel is really cool. I’m really bummed we’re only staying here one night. The one unfortunate thing is that the pool closed at 9pm which was about when our dinner ended and it doesn’t open till 9 am and we’ll be gone by then. We were all really looking forward to swimming. I played Frisbee for a while but then went upstairs to write postcards.

 

 

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A statue of Anne Frank outside her house

 

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There were houseboats all along the river in Amsterdam

 

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On the lunch cruise

 

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On the carriage ride in Belgium

 

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Part of Bruges, Belgium

 

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My view from my hotel in Belgium. Yes, those are cows.

 

 

I'll edit this post later today and put in today's log entry. It's only 11am so there's not much to tell yet.

[Airies 0]

Most museums and things of that nature will not let you take photos with flash, but alot of them will let you if you don't use any. I use very high speed film in those situations and try to lean on the wall to steady my hands. Was that the situation? Or just no photo's at all? :lol:

[Lubak10 0]

The rules were no photos at all. I think it was because they didn't want people taking pictures of the security systems to help them steal something.

 

9-5-04

 

I can't wait till college when I can get out of this house! I hate living here. My mom can be so horrible sometimes. She never even tries to see things my way and we can't have a conversation deeper then "how was your day?" "Fine" without us ending up yelling at each other. I look at families like Al's and I get so jealous. They are so close to each other and they show it. Here, we just happen to live in the same house. I hate it and I want to leave. I can't do anything right in their eye, and if I can they certainly don't tell me that. All they do is point out what I did wrong. I'm determined not to be like them when I have kids. I want my kids to actually love me, not just be grateful for feeding and clothing them. I know this sounds really self-pitying and stupid, but sometimes I feel like the only one that loves me is my cat.

I've decided to edit this post and put more self-pity in it. Where else am I going to put it.

My parents are dragging me along to this social gathering that some of their friends are having. I hate going to these things cause none of their friends have kids my age and none of the adults take me seriously so it's not like I can hang out with them. At least I'll be able to catch up on a lot of reading. They say they want me to come to "be with the family" but we usually spend a total of 5 minutes together.

 

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious."

-Albert Einstein

[Lubak10 0]

9-11-04

 

I can't believe that it's been so long since I last posted. Not counting when I was in Europe I don't think I've ever gone this long without posting something. My mom made the whole family do yardwork today, which I hate. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but I still didn't enjoy it. But I guess it was fun to get outside. It's absolutely gorgeous today and all the cats were outside and it was really cute to see them play. I should be writing a paper for Brit Lit but I can't seem to get my brain working. I thought maybe writing this would give my brain enough of a warm-up to get it working properly. I don't understand why I can't think of anything to write. I'm usually good at this and I'm writing about a cool topic. The assignment is to compare and contrast your personal hero with Beowulf. This should be easy and I know I had lots of ideas earlier but i can't seem to remember what they are.

I still haven't gotten a reply from the place where i'm going to take my driver's test . My mom wanted to know how much it would cost to take the test before she took me to take it. Me and Angie were thinking about taking our test together because by the time I get around to taking it she will be 16. I still need to get some stuff ready for her B-day. When it's someone's B-day at our school it's a tradition to make fliers that say Happy Birthday and have a pic of the birthday girl/boy on it, make 100 copies and paste them all over the school. Fun fun!

 

 

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

-Aesop

[Lubak10 0]

9-12-04

 

I just realized that I almost completely forgot that yesterday was September 11th. That scares me because if people start to forget then all of those people will have died in vain. That can't happen. I still remember where I was and what I was doing that day, but mostly I remember people's reactions. I was in 8th grade at the time so a lot of kids didn't realize what was going on and brushed it off saying it wont effect us. They were very wrong. Last summer I went to this Peace museum in France and they had a piece of the world trade center there. It was very eerie to see.

Anyway, on a happier note, I know what I'm going to do for my best friend, Angie's birthday. She's in love with this show that another high school made called "Anything but Ordinary" and I'm going to find out when they're going to play all the episodes then tape them for her. She'll love it!

 

 

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

-- Unknown

[Lubak10 0]

9/14/04

 

I finally did my presentation for Kiwanis. They gave me some money to help pay for my Europe trip and in return I promised to tell them about it. I wasn't really nervous because I knew most of the people there since my dad is a member of the club and I'd helped them out with a lot of service projects before. I'm thinking about asking them to help out Diversity club with the community picnic that we're having in October. I could only use about 20 pictures because I had a time limit and a limited amount of ink since I was using the overhead projector. I took most of my notes out of my journal rather then basing them off my pics which was good because I didn't have pictures of everything I did.

I just finished my Brit Lit paper! I thought it would need a lot more work then it did and I'm happy with it. Of coerce, I won't know for sure if I did a good job or not till I get my grade, but oh well. I usually do pretty well. The lowest grade I've gotten on a paper is B-, and that was a really crappy subject.

My dad is in Chicago on business so me, my mom, and my little sis are going out to eat tonight. I should probably be finishing my homework so it will be done buy the time my mom gets home but oh well.

I still haven't gotten a reply to my email from the driving school where I'm planing on taking my driver's test. If I don't hear from them by this weekend I'll just call.

 

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it

dance.

-George Bernard Shaw