BlueCrystal

I've never done it but I have met people in group Therapy that have. Many people don't understand what they do. I was uncomfortable with the *cutters* and quit the group. They don't cutter themselves to create pain but to release pain. They said that the bleeding made them feel better and my crying made me feel better at times. Some of them would have themselves tattooed and some would do burning/branding of themselves.

Peace be with Mr Reeve and God bless his family. I know that many think of him as 'Superman'. After his accident and seeing him in the re-make of 'Rear Window' made me realize anything is possible. He never gave up. I pray that the research will go on and this great man is honored but those that can stand and walk because of his effort on their behalf.

The water felt hot but sorely needed. Daniel's bunk was a little hard for me to get use to sleeping in. I liked it though, driving his rig and being with him. It almost seemed normal. The showers at this truck stop didn't have a floor to ceiling mirrored panel just a mirror over the sink in the lav part of the room. I finished rinsing my hair and then allowed the hot water to hit my back and the steam to rise up into the air. It was then that I heard it. Daniel's image appeared in the mirror and he wolf whistled. Startled I grabbed my towel and ran to the mirror. Daniel laughed as I fumbled to get the towel wrapped around me. "Don't you think after nearly 16 years of marriage that I know what you look like naked girl?"

"Sometimes Daniel you are not a gentleman." With that Daniel laughed again then he winked at me. "Are you gonna hang out in here all day? Come on we got to get on the hoof, we got a lot to do." I quickly dried off and dressed myself in my latest find at the last mall we visited, Daniel had assured me that taking what was needed wasn't actually stealing.

I hurried to the truck with hot chocolate and a box of donuts tucked under my arm to find an anxious Daniel awaiting me. I sat my drink on the console and held a donut in my teeth as I started the truck. Daniel look at me in shear disapproval but said nothing. Then for kicks I blew the horn. At that Daniel laughed, "Pretty One, you are something else." I smile and started to lean over to kiss him but as I looked to the seat rather than the reflection in the mirror Daniel was gone. It was then I felt the warm temperature touch my lips and I knew that Daniel had kissed me. "So is this the plan," I asked, "we collect mirrors from all over and I mirror the house from top to bottom?" Daniel laughed, "Good idea but not the one we're working on." "What are we going to do with all the mirrors and radio stuff Daniel?" "When the time comes, you'll know what to do. I won't leave you in the dark." With that Daniel started the CD player and the music filled the truck as we headed down the highway.

I don't know. To be honest I seen the damage a bad mother can do. A bad mother can cause problems that years of Therapy couldn't fix. I have to admit as hard as I tried to *mother* my step-children I get a great deal of outward resentment from them. I often wonder if the boys would have been better had their father not remarried. The youngest of the sons stayed with Miss Bee but the oldest hated his step-father and came to be with us. I often wonder what ill effects I had on that child being so young and trying to raise him.

What an interesting question. The first time I read this I almost stopped before finishing it then I came back and read again. Ah, my mother was the perfect wife and mother, June Cleaver would have been jealous of my dear ole Mom. Well maybe not. My mother tried to understand me and believe me, I was a very difficult teenager. I didn't care about the normal things teenage girls cared about and I refused to wear make up. The young men my mother wanted me to date weren't boys I cared to be on the same planet with much less in the same room with.

I tend to light the old pellet stove, watch the fire, drink hot chocolate with extra marshmellows, and read and write science fiction to my hearts content. I also sing to myself. *Not a pleasure for anyone around me as I had Rubella as an infant and have a hearing loss.* I have no idea if I'm singing off key and don't care it makes me feel better.

I would think that Spock would marry. I doubt that the bride would be Saavik as I always felt that he was a *foster or adoptive* father to her.

Wore out and my nerves a bit on edge, I managed to shove the last mirror from the mall into the trailer. I found ways to move them with leverage and dollies but still it was un-nerving for me to have Daniel's reflection complaining at every bump or move he wasn't happy with. In the middle of one of his complaints I pushed the trailers door shut and breathed a sigh of relieve only to discover Daniel's angry reflection starring at me with it's arms folded across his chest in the window of a store. "Feel better now?" He questioned in a huff. I walked over to him, "Daniel, I'm sorry but it is a bit trying on my nerves and your not helping with the constant complaints. I'm doing the best I can!" "No," Daniel said as he shook his head, "you're not. You're doing all you can, but not your best." I walked back to the truck and climbed aboard the truck and slammed the door. "Isn't this like it use to be a few years ago Crystal?" Daniel said softly as his reflection appear in the right wing mirror of the truck. Tears stung my eyes, "Daniel, no not again. Please!" "It was one of the reasons why I became a truck driver. You were in pain and I couldn't help you." Daniel said as he looked down to where his feet might of been if the reflection carried that far. "But Daniel we found each other and we learned to be happy again. We didn't give up, we just changed our plans of the future." I whispered through my tears.

It was the same revolving door fight that brought me to tears and he with his self loathing. We wanted children in this life and due to a genetic flaw I couldn't have them. We build new lives for ourselves and for a while lived separate lives but one or the other would get sick or hurt and there we would find each other all over again. Forever intwined as if God, Himself wrote our names in the great book of 'Time and All Eternity' in indelible ink. You just can't give God an eraser, after all He doesn't make mistakes.

As the time past I watched the mile markers come and go the silence fell upon us and after a while I began to hum and then sing. Daniel smiled. "You always did sing when you were happy. I can remember when the song was gone and you were a shattered soul." I shot Daniel a quick glance and continued singing stopping only to say to him. " Well Daniel, maybe you gave me something to sing about." Then I smiled.

Troubles are like nuns, they travel in packs. My Auntie, a former nun told me that.

~~~~~~~Since you've gone All that's left is a band of gold All that's left of the dream I hold Is a band of gold And the dream of what love could be ...~~~~~~~~

I woke up to the sun shining there the windshield and the '74 song 'Band Of Gold' playing on the CD player. Disoriented for a moment and looked about I noticed that Lida had PMed me. My eyes filled with tears and I sobbed silently for a moment as Daniel's image appeared in the mirror. I wiped away the tears and got up and looked in the mirror at him. "Why the tears my Pretty One?" He asked concerned. "It was the song Daniel, I know you hear the tune and you can't understand the words but..." I cut myself off not wanting to explain further as Daniel at times despite my love for him was not always a patient man with me. "It's not important." I said and smiled softly at him. Then curious I asked, "how could Freda Payne's song be playing when the Conway Twitty CD is in the player." Daniel laughed then CD player button seemed to be pushed by an unseen hand and the player was empty of any CDs. I wanted to question further but Daniel told me to get ready as we had a busy day ahead of us.

Taking a moment, I sat and wrote a PM to Lida.

Lida thanks for PMing me, I'm sure by now you know that Daniel is alive and we're headed home. I had to learn to drive Daniel's truck, that was hard work and he lost his temper a few times with me. It's a long story and difficult to explain but at this time Daniel is unable to drive. We also have been stopping and picking up mirrors and radio gear along the way. God only knows why but Daniel is insistant that we obtain the things. Peace be with you. Crystal

I was tired and wanted to get the journey home underway. I called for the dogs to come aboard the truck. They sat obediently beside a mirrored sunglass display that held for the moment Daniel's reflection. "One more thing for us, you to take Pretty One." Daniel said as he glanced towards a laptop that a trucker had on a table. "I can't that belonged to someone." I said softly. "Crystal, honey he's not coming back for it." Daniel said as I felt the temperature around me grow warm, I realize then that Daniel had hugged me.

Quietly I took the laptop and hurried out the door. Daniel whistled and the dogs immediately responded by following me. I placed the laptop on the passenger seat and then notice Daniel looking down towards it in the mirror. I pulled it off the seat and apologized for being rude to him. Normally both he and I wouldn't have been so sensitive about carrying things for each other but this was not a normal time for either of us.

I topped off the fuel tank and took a few more turns around the lot before starting to head out. Daniel smile at me and nodded. "Go ahead," he said teasingly at me, "I know you want to." "Really?" I questioned. "Yes, it's okay." Daniel answered. With that I headed straight for the 'White Cloud' toilet paper and dozed it. The tissue when high into the air catching the breeze and rolls of the fluffy stuff fell unfurrowed over the lot and part of the truck stop itself. I cried out in pleasure, Daniel gasped stunned by my actions and then explained that he was saying it was okay to blow the horn of the massive truck.

Throughout our journey Daniel and I stopped at malls and stores taking mostly large mirrors some of which barely fill within the trailer. Radio equipment was on the list too but try as I might, I couldn't seem to get Daniel to understand that their wasn't anyone around left to talk to. We rode for hours and stopped at another truck stop as the sun was setting and as it faded behind the hills and trees to the west the image of Daniel was fading in the mirror. I went in only to use the restroom and grab a soda, upon returning I found only my own reflection in the mirror of our sleep cab. I was frightened and then the thought that Daniel might be asleep occurred to me. I angled a small compact mirror from my purse to the bed and found Daniel there soundly sleeping.

Quietly I took the laptop, laid on the bed beside Daniel and flipped open the case. I felt a warm spot on my back and realized that Daniel and I were touching one another. The internet was deathly still and, of course, I didn't bother checking my email, their was no one left to write to me. I thought of my favorite site and typed in www.startrekfans.net. The site was alive and several people were PMing me at the same time. Some were glad I was okay, others wanted to know where I was, and a few inquired about others that had still not been heard from and wanted to know if I have any information. I was overwhelmed by everyone and thankful to know that I wasn't alone in the world like I had thought before. During the PMing I related to everyone that I found my husband and we were returning home. Some were curious to know who on here was my husband and when I explained that he wasn't a member there was what seemed to be agonizing silence before the next PM came. After that gentle loving PMs were sent to me with invitations to visit this member or that member. I realized though not one of my dear friends on here said it to me, that they thought my losing Daniel had caused me to go insane.

I have to confess, I gave it a 3. I love the show but this Nazi/WWII thing has been played into the ground!

I could only use one word to describe tonight's Ent.

I haven't given up on the series and believe its a good show but I'm sick of Nazis!!!

The hours seemed only to pass like minutes as I sat cross legged on the floor in front of the shower's mirrored panel looking at and talking to Daniel. I was wrapped only in a towel and I was weary from the excitement and shock of seeing Daniel. I looked into his eyes, oh those eyes, how I remember the time he was on his knees looking up at me with those blue eyes pleading that I agree to a marriage with him. How could I refuse his request or anything with those blue eyes pulling me to his will. Daniel encouraged me to get my clothes and dress as there were thing that had to be done. I begged him not to have me leave the room and the mirror behind fearing that if I left he would be lost to me again. He was firm in his demand and I weakly yielded to his request. I pressed my hands to the mirror looking at him as I kissed him through the glass and reluntantly left for my clothes.

As I entered the laundry mat and walked to my dryer in the glass on the door was a faint reflection of Daniel. Daniel laughed and asked what took me so long. After that I had no fear of ever losing Daniel again. I dressed and listened as Daniel told me his plans for us, actually me, as he was limited to the things he could do. He said turning the CD player on in his truck was easy and it was just a matter of using his energy rather than his hands. Turning his truck off proved impossible as it was a fuel hauler and nothing within the engine could spark or ignite. He did notice that he could turn other machines on and off with little trouble.

During our chatting I went throughout the truck stop collecting the things Daniel was listing as he spoke. He wanted us to leave the stop and journey homeward but first I had to learn to drive his truck. I thought it was silly to have me driving the thing. Daniel was persistent in his demand that I drive his truck and finally I agreed to try to learn.

On a bright sunny day I walked out to the truck to see Daniel's reflection in the left wing mirror watching me approach. He instructed me to release the haul of gasoline and climb aboard in the drivers seat. I sat there with Daniel absent from my view then realized I had to turn the right wing mirror in to see the passenger seat. There Daniel appeared in the mirror. I giggled an apology to him. Daniel gave me a stern look and then instructed me to start the truck. It's engine roared alive and I listened to the instructions as Daniel explained the clutch and the dreaded double clutching. It must of been a sight if there would of been anyone there to watch as that handsome Peterbilt truck took the blunt of my learning to drive. It shimmied in the lot moving forward then having it's brake slammed down, the gears grinded then and Daniel voicing outrage at the top of his lungs to my attempts to control the truck. Finally after a few more attempts I had the truck going through the lot smoothly. I pulled in front of the truck stops door, gathered the supplies, and stored them on the top bunk of the sleeper in the truck. I was about to call the dogs when Daniel shook his head no. "We're not ready for the boys yet Pretty One." I looked curiously at his reflection as he nodded to the haul of another truck, "we need to find an empty one." I shook my head no. "Daniel, I learned to drive a bobtail and maybe I could drive a step-van but a 18 wheeler? No way!" It took me most of the day of finding keys opening the back of the trucks and looking for a empty truck or one that I could empty with not too much work. It was around 4 in the morning I had found a truck with half a loaded of 'White Cloud'. If anyone ever said toilet paper wasn't heavy they were lying. By 7:30 I had the toilet paper unloaded and the truck pulled out of the way. I sat in the drivers seat of Daniel's truck carefully backing it to the trailer watching the reflection of Daniel as we hook his truck to the haul.

I've already set my satelite service to remember for me and tune it in. I'm very excited about seeing the program, however, I'm not too fond of living through WWII with the crew. I'm WWII'd out with the original series doing the Nazi theme, The Waltons inviting us to spend an hour with them in the 70's and reliving the war again, and now this. Come on, I admit WWII was a horrible place in history but if we're going to be thrown back in time can't it be to some-*when* different?

I cook on a propane stove and wouldn't know the first thing about cooking on an electric one.

I stood for a long time in the rain look on to my husband's truck I wondered if I had dreamt it all and somehow I was in a nightmare from which I couldn't wake up. I walked over to the truck as the rainfall turned into a down pour I climbed into the truck and turned the engine off.

The rain was cold and pelted me as I walked back to the truck stop sopping wet. I shivered as I step through the door with my wet dogs in tow. I looked about the entrance of the complex and carefully stepped over the clothes and shoes that were scattered throughout. I made my way to the laundry mat and stripped out of my clothes, if anyone was watching the security cameras they would have gotten a eyeful. I just didn't care, I had other clothes with me out in my car and still I had Daniel's shirt that I wore. I tossed my clothing into the washer and watched the machine go through it's cycles. It had a glass door so I could see the varies stages of cleaning. I thought I saw something but in looking again nothing was there, perhaps it was a reflection of one of the dogs as I allowed them to roam freely. I felt chilled but I wanted to put my clothes into the dryer and then make use of the truck stop's shower facilities. If I timed it right my clothes would be toasty warm when I return for them.

I found bath towels in a large closet and had took soap and shampoo from the store part of the stop and off to the showers I went. It felt good to have the heated water cascade upon my skin. I let out a sigh and washed my hair and tried hard not to think about my loss or the pain I was in. The steam and heat of the water rose around me enveloping as I bathed. Again I thought I saw something in the room move I looked towards a full length mirrored panel by the door and it was there that I seen something has been written on the steamed up glass.

In reflections is where I'll be, in the mirrors will you see me.

I cried out in terror. "Who is here?!?!?" I reached for the door and started to turn the knob as I saw a image coming towards me in the mirror I looked behind to the blank wall of the showers and then again to the mirrored panel. Daniel's reflection stood beside mine and he smiled. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you Pretty Girl but I just couldn't get your attention out there." I backed away from the mirror looking at Daniel as he stretched out his hand and pressed if against the glass.

"I...I thought you were...you were," I couldn't complete the sentence. I reach my hand up to the spot where his rested and pulled myself close to the mirror looking at him and fearing that I would lose him all over again. He whispered softly, "My Pretty Girl, you know better than that. In our faith you may go from one plain of existence to the next but there is no such word as 'death'." "I thought, perhaps you were haunting your truck." I said softly. Daniel laughed, "No, my dear, I'm haunting you." At that I had to giggle back as with my culture and beliefs we are taught to respect and love spirits, not fear them.

I woke up laying on the seat at the truck stops diner. I wanted to give up or go insane and run wild. I was alone, all alone in this world and God had somehow forgotten me! I was all cried out and it looked like rain outside, I could hear the rumble of thunder closing in on the place. I was hot, dirty, and my mind was running with different ideas of how to commit suicide only to all end with the sample thought. "'Suicide's A Mortal Sin', and God must of left me here for a reason.' The pain of loosing Daniel was too much for me to bare, he and I were so deeply intwined in each other's life it was as if I lost apart of myself. The dogs were whimpering at the door of this large empty complex and after pooping and urinating on the floor in the mens room I couldn't understand why they wanted out now. The lightning flashed in the sky and it seemed to eluminate the whole place. I no longer worried about my puppy babies getting hit by a car and pushed the door open. The dogs made a bee-line to Daniel's truck, they seemed to prance around it, sitting up and begging, barking, and responding as though someone was there comanding tricks from them. I walked out after them as it started to rain, I don't know why but their behavior angered me. In my mind I wondered how could they do that with Daniel...with their Daddy...gone. I stopped myself from calling them in and turned around only to see with a start Daniel's reflection in a glass panel at the truck stop. He was sitting in the truck teasing the dogs and laughing as they did the tricks. I turned back to the truck and to see the window empty and the dogs still doing their tricks. The rain pelted down on me as if the world was crying for me as I no longer could. I fell to my knees and looked back to the truck stop it was then I saw Daniel again. This time he was out of the truck and looking towards me, his eyes locked on mine and I knew he was real and not just my wicked imagination. I wanted to kiss him, to hold him, and to even nod in agreement to some of his off the wall ideas. I stood up and spun around and cried out "Daniel!!!!!" and started to run towards the truck but he was gone... The dogs looked at me curiously and then continued to play at the side of Daniel's truck.

It was dark when I rolled into the truckstop some of the 18 wheelers engines still running as they sat idle as the truckers went about their business or would have had their been anyone left. As I circled the lot it was then I spotted the fuel hauler, first I spotted the chicken lights as I drove slowly up the driver's side. The driver's door was open almost like a invitation I had to stop about 10 feet back and get out of my car and walk. As I pull to a stop, my old dear doggie son Travis whined and I looked back to see his eyes, they pleaded with me not to go further and to just turn around. I shut the car door, leaving my own engine running, as I walked towards the truck cab. I paused a moment and look down to something glistening on the ground I picked it up and tried to hold back a sob, it was Daniel's, my Daniel's wedding band. With tears in my eyes I looked up in the cab of the truck to see his pants, shirt, and shoes positioned behind the wheel of this huge truck. I grabbed the shirt and held it to me smelling his scent never wanting to forget it. My bitter tears stung my eyes as I hear a voice. "Hello Darlin', it's been along time." I looked startled and climbed up into the rig looking in the sleeper only to realize it was Daniel's Conway Twitty CD playing. I must of laid in that sleeper for hours holding his shirt and sobbing his wedding ring now adorning my right thumb.

I went back to my car in a daze opened the door and my dogs ran to the entrance of the truck stop. 'No dog allowed signs' didn't mean anything now. I fed the dogs and sat at a table looking out into the night, I had Daniel's shirt on over top my own, and at times I could almost feel him there hugging me.

The days pass slowly and somehow that night slower still. For the most part my tears have dried and faded into my skin. I turned on the radio and listen to the static that some of the stations are transmiting and look down toward the cities I pass wondering if anybody is there? I drive on hoping that my husband was a member as in the passed he has join things and flirted with me. It's been along time since he's done that though. I stop by the truckstops along the way and often find myself rushing into them yelling out. 'Is anyone here? Has anyone seen a trucker that looks like Conway Twitty?!?!' Always the answer is the same...silents. In one of the truckstops I took a CB radio and installed it in my car. Personally, I hate CB radios but I still hope that Daniel is out there and just can't reach me through our usual means. I also turn on my amateur radio to what was a hotspot to non-stop chatting among the hams. There it is again, that awful silents and a feeling of dread. I look back at my dogs and they lay on the backseats their eyes seem to say the things that I am feeling, how truly smart these creatures are, wordlessly knowing my pain.

Oh sweet sleep. I felt so depressed since I last heard from my husband a few days ago. He was heading to West Virginia and then on to South Carolina with a split load of gasoline. The hurricane's screwed up the barges and pipelines. I wait with my handheld pager waiting for a message for the past three days. I rang his phone but most of the time he has it off as with hauling fuel he has hazmat rules to follow. I pack up a few thing and look up and down the fields of my home. No one to take my dogs so I bring them with me into the car and off down the road we go in search of Daniel.

September 19th at 2:33 a.m. I'm driving east towards West Virginia with only a hope and a prayer of finding Daniel's truck and Daniel. I take the route he was following as I noted on the map that I tend to stick pins in as he tells me of his journey. It's going to be a long drive and I feel my hot tears run down my cheeks, knowing that I wouldn't want to go on without Daniel and mourning the fact that if I find his truck then what?

Yes most of the time I have fun.

Have you ever driven down the road singing at the top of your lungs?

No...no... I don't think I am. Yes you are! No I'm not! Really and I mean 'no'.

Do you eat the fortune cookie after reading your fortune?

This happened years ago in the old house that we lived in. The house at the time was about 80 years old.

As a young adult (age 23) my parents bought a house on the westside of our town on a busy road but still the suburbs. I was given a room of my own as I am the youngest daughter and most of my siblings were married and sharing their lives with others. My room was at one time a nursery in the old house but a fresh coat of paint took the idea of infants in the room out of mind. I was allowed to choose my furnishings and decorate my room. I chose a lovely brass bed and I also had a television, desk, dresser, and bookshelf in my room. The first odd thing about my room was that the closet door wouldn't stay shut, we even duct taped it. At night I closed and heard the catch snap in the morning the door stood wide open. It didn't scar me as I think I'm in tune with the spirits.

As I was an adult I was permitted to read and watch what I wanted. A gracious jesture on my mother's part. I, in return kept my door shut in the evening as I read Star Trek novels cover to cover in a matter of days and watched and recorded Dr. Who. Upon occassion my mother would come to my room to check on me and find me laying fast asleep on the floor at least once a month. She assumed I just fell asleep there after reading too much or filling my head with the, pardon me Dr. Who42 if you read this story, non-sense of Dr. Who. Earlier I said I felt in touch with the spirits and at the times I slept on the floor of my room I felt that the spirit that took my bed upon occassion was going to visit.

I didn't feel a need to tell anyone in the family afterall my kid brother was easily frightened and it wasn't a bother to me.

I soon married Daniel by means of elopemnet and left my room and furnishing not thinking anything of it. My mother and father had an argument and off to my room my mother went. She didn't sense the presence of my bed spirit and made herself comfortable in my room. (I wish I knew if she even attempted to read one of my Trek novels.) As my mother laid in the dark of the room she physically fell him holding her. She discribed him as being big, heavy, strong and could hear him breathing. He was not a rapist or anything of that nature. He just liked to curl up on the bed and sleep and hold onto you. I never actually saw him as I was afraid to know what he looked like I often pretended to be asleep the first few times I found myself in bed with this spirit/thing after that I learned to sense his presence in my room. I learned when it was my time to sleep on the floor.

My mother called me shortly after her experience with the bed spirit and was not happy that I failed to mention the haunting of my room to her or my father. She later made the room into a study and was careful not to close the bedroom door or to fell asleep in there. They later sold the house and relocated to Florida, once in a while I pass by it but I never stop to ask about the spirit in that room, let them find out for themselves.

I've had it on my computer for months. Maybe it will find nothing but then again maybe a signal or sign is out there. If God made us, He's made others.

No.

Have you ever skinny dipped?