wishfire's personal log

[Wishfire 2]

Well, I'm pretty bored. I should change my mood star.

 

I'm waiting for my girlfriend to come home, trying to get my son to eat the rest of his food, and trying to figure out whether or not I should eat something now or just wait for dinner.

 

Also, I'm trying to get the last few posts I need to get captain!

[Wishfire 2]

Hurray! I'm a captain!

[Cougar 0]

Lucky you! I joined before you and you've already beat me there.

[Wishfire 2]

Hmmm, I've having a small dilemma. I'm bursting with ideas for a story I want to write (which I think could very well turn into a book), but I kinda don't want to write it at the same time. Everytime I start writing someone, well, I could want to do it for months, and when I finally start, I quickly lose interrest. I wish I knew of a way to keep my interrest going.

[Wishfire 2]

I started smoking when I was 15. I'm 23 now. That's 8 years. 8 years too many.

 

So, I decided earlier that when I finish my current pack of cigarettes, I'm done with smoking. I smoked the last one about 45 minutes ago. Let's see how far I get before I succumb.

 

Hopefully I won't succumb.

 

And just because I'm done with cigarettes doesn't mean I won't go buy a pack of cloves so I can enjoy one now and then.

 

But this Marlboro Man has retired. I don't want to die of cancer, and I definitely don't want to give my son a bad example. As it was, I never smoked around him anyways, but I don't want it to get to the point that he can look out a window and see me smoking and think it's okay. I'm going to cut down on my beer-drinking, as well. Maybe a few on the weekend (or my off-days), but that's it. I want to give my son (and any other children I might someday have) a good example.

 

Wish me luck.

[RikerChick 5]

Good luck, I really respect you trying to set a good example for your son, that shows a lot about your character. :)

[Odie 0]

This will very hard habit to quite, and you will need all the inner strength you have not to give in to the temptation on smoking. Good luck.

[Wishfire 2]

Thank you, Odie and RikerChick. :)

 

Well, it's been only several hours, and I really need a smoke. Fortunately, I'm going to bed soon. And I can usually go for 9 or so hours without a cigarette after waking up. It's hours 9 to 18 that kill me!

 

And they'll kill me even worse now.

[Wishfire 2]

Well, it's been one day without a cigarette, and it's killing me. :unsure:

 

It's funny... I used to be a major meth and heroin user. I had no problem kicking the habit. But I'm having so much toruble with regular cigarettes. I've tried to quit numerous times, and each time I've failed.

 

Well, I hope this time that my will is strong.

[Odie 0]

Wow, CONGRATS on quiting meth and heroin. Just hang in there and you can do it. If you can go without smoking for a month the nicotine in your system should be gone.

[Wishfire 2]

I don't know... I stopped smoking for 11 months, only to start smoking again.

 

:wacko: :blink: :unsure: :blink: :o

 

Either way, this is going to be h3ll.

[Odie 0]

It not the physical addition that is hard. Its the physiological addiction to smoking that is the hardest. When I went to boot camp we where not allowed to smoke. It wasn't a problem with me since I don't smoke to begin with, but with smokers it was a a big problem. We where told within a month the chemicals from cigarettes would leave the body's system. That is fine and true, but in boot camp they had never addressed the physiological addiction. As soon as the recruits who smoked finished boot camp the first thing that they bought was cigarettes.

[Wishfire 2]

Well, I guess I've been doing okay with the no smoking thing. I've been keeping myself busy, so I don't think about cigarettes much.

 

Let's just hope I can keep it that way.

[Wishfire 2]

I decided to post an old poem of mine.

 

It's called The Sands of Time.

 

Click For Spoiler

And the winds blow hard

 

Tearing at my flesh

 

Carrying bits of dust and sand

 

Getting in my nose, my mouth, my eyes

 

The sand has already covered my feet

 

Slowly it builds

 

Higher, higher, higher yet

 

Not trying at all, but succeeding nonetheless

 

And yet I stand here

 

Watching, waiting

 

Knowing the inevitable

 

But not caring

 

There is no rational reason to fight fate

 

The sand is up to my neck

 

My friends are long since gone

 

And as the sand covers the top of my head

 

I realize that I have been forgotten

 

I wrote that maybe 3 years ago.

[BakulaBabe 2]

Good poem - I like it! Have you written any more?

 

Best of luck with quitting smoking. :unsure:

[Wishfire 2]

Well, the past few days was fun. Friday night most of us went up to the Sierra Nevadas for an early Thanksgiving dinner. We had rented a cabin there in the mountains. A bit crowded, though. There was me, my girl, our son, my girl's mother and two youngest sisters, her step-father and his two sons, his oldest son's wife and daughter, and my girl's mother's best friend and her two daughters. That's a lot of people! But we had fun. We got there early Saturday morning, around half past midnight. As soon as we unloaded the cars, me, Hank (my girl's step-dad), Marianne (my girl's mother), Marion (Marianne's best friend), and Sequoia (Hank's oldest son) went to the local bar for a few drinks, then returned to the cabin and turned in. The next day me and Sinikka started a 1000-peice puzzle (which we never finished) and worked for it for a few hours. Then everyone went to a small restaurant (Hank and Marianne know the owners) for a little bit to eat and a few drinks (well, for the older ones of us). Then we went to Hank's private land. There, me and Wolf (Hank's younger son) set up a few targets and attacked them with Wolf's rifle. Then we went back to the cabin for dinner. Then back to the bar. Today, I woke up with a massive hangover. Needless to say, we had to stop several times on the way home because I was getting sick. Then, to make it worse, we got pulled over by the police because our van looked like one that was involved in an incident with a machete the night before. Good thing I missed the cop when my stomache let loose!

 

Well, now I'm home, feeling better, and that's about it.

[iamdax 0]

hey wishee look what i found!!!!

 

congrats on giving up.

 

andy just quit about two months ago and he still craves when he drinks

[Spockstellaiter 0]

Yaaayyy! good job for giving smokes up!! :o :( (maybe JW should try that....)

[Spockstellaiter 0]

I heard of this guy who went running when he felt the urge to smoke and kept running until he didn't feel like smoking anymore, maybe you could try that WF. btw, he went on to run like a million marathons

[Wishfire 2]

I just read recent replies to my last post here, and all replies for that matter, and I am amazed at the amount of support I've been recieving. Thank you to all those who've said something supportive.

 

As for an update... Well, quiting cold-turkey was just too hard. I'm still smoking, though not nearly as much as I was. And even then I wasn't smoking much. Then, I was smoking about 4 to 7 cigarettes a day (down from almost 2 packs a day). Now, when I drink a lot, I still smoke as much. But when I don't drink I smoke 2, or at the most 3, a day.

 

Also, even when I do drink, if I'm doing something to keep myself busy I don't smoke all that often. Lately it's been this on-line RPG I found called RuneScape. I've been addicted to it for almost a week now. Very fun, and not exactly like other RPGs I've played. There are quests, but only if you choose to do them. Also, rather than gaining basic levels, you gain levels based on what you do. I think I'll post this game in the Games forum.

[Wishfire 2]

To start off... Thanksgiving went well. Almost everyone here went to Tucson to visit family, so it was just me, Sinikka, and my son Trent. For dinner we had a slow-cooked barbequed beef. To recipe called for a chipped ham, but when I went to the store I couldn't find one. So I got beef. And the barbeque sauce I made myself. It didn't come out exactly as I hoped, but it was still good. It was even better once it had gotten cold. To go with it we made noodles that were sauced with the BBQ sauce the beef was cooked in. That was very good. For dessert, Sinikka had never tried pecan pie, so I bought one. It was sweeter than the last one I had, but it was still good. Though I would have prefered it a little less sweet.

 

Up to now... I still have been unsuccessful finding a job. So I've made the decision to go to New Orleans to look for works. I'll most likely be leaving next week. I figure that I'll work for the Lucky Dog people for New Years (lots of tourists, so lots of profit) and then try to get work with the fishing boats until Mardi Gras, when I'll work for Lucky Dog again. The only reason I consider Lucky Dog is because I used to work for a Lucky Dog employee. During Mardi Gras, he wanted someone to work for him to help keep the beligerents away. Basically, a body guard for a hot dog stand. But he paid me 20% of whatever he made, and during the main week of Mardi Gras he was getting at least $1000 a day, which meant that I got $200 a day. Not bad, for a hot dog vendor.

 

I'm hoping that when I return to Orange County, I'll have over $10,000. At least. It will, at the very least, be enough to get my diploma, get my license, buy a car and insure it, and maybe even start college.

 

I hope that from there it will all be up-hill.

[Odie 0]

Good luck in getting your diploma. I hope all your plans work out for you.

[Wishfire 2]

First of all, thank you Odie. That's very kind of you. Though, knowing my own past, I won't do as good as I hope. As long as I do better than I believe, though, it'll be worth it!

 

Secondly... Oh my god! his year went by quickly! My birthday is in exactly one month! Birthdays don't really mean much to me (well, my own birthday doesn't, in any case), but it's still another year. Dang... one more year after that and it'll be a quarter of a century... Wow.

 

I'm not sure whether to be happy or depressed.

[Spockstellaiter 0]

Wow! that sounds adventurous. I hope everything goes well for you.

[Lursa 0]

I'm glad that you are trying to break off this. It is not good to do this, for your body sake you need to stop. You are a grea rolemodel to many young people out there like myself, who choose to not do does kind of things. I pray that you will find a way for you to quit

[Wishfire 2]

I'm glad that you are trying to break off this. It is not good to do this, for your body sake you need to stop. You are a grea rolemodel to many young people out there like myself, who choose to not do does kind of things. I pray that you will find a way for you to quit

288822[/snapback]

 

Wow. I'm not quite sure what to say. I have never even been associated with the words "role model" before. I guess I should say thank you, Lursa. That's very nice, and very sweet of you to say. I'm glad you have confidence in me. It's been tough trying to quit, sometimes I slip and do pretty bad, but I've been doing pretty good keeping that to a minimum.

 

My plan to quit smoking hadn't gone as well as I hoped... I'm smoking about a pack a week. Sometimes a bit more, sometimes a bit less. My drinking... Well, let's put it this way. I have too much time (and too many beers) on my hands. I can't wait till New Orleans. I hopefully be either too busy, or too broke, to drink. And if I'm busy, that means I'll also be smoking very little as well.

 

I hope the New Orleans venture provides me with some cash for my girl and my son, but I also hope that, whether I find any work or not, it will provide me with the means to lessen my habits even further.

[Wishfire 2]

Barcelona

by Psychotica

 

Hello senora tell me how you’ve been

Is the western world still beneath your feet

Did you need me in your darkest hour

Was it you I heard screaming in your sleep

 

Tell me senora was he true to you

Did he leave you sleeping on a bed of nails

And did the wolves start to circle in the shadows around

Waiting for your weakest part to fail

 

Did you show them how to fly, the Barcelona sky

While Mozart plays for you

A haunting lullaby

No need to rectify

The music plays for you

While Barcelona cries

 

Tell me senora have you found your peace

Is there silence in your hacienda now

And did you need me in your darkest hour

Was it you I heard screaming in your sleep

[Wishfire 2]

Well, my scheduled departure for New Orleans is just a bit over a week from now. I admit, I'm feeling rather... anxious. Not the good kind. I mean, I'm happy that I'm going to be there again, but at the same time I'm upset that I'm going to be away from the people who care about me. I will miss them. Most of all, I will miss Sinikka, my fiancee, and Trent, my son.

 

As it is though, I feel that going to New Orleans to try to find work is my best course of action at this time.

 

I wish there were another way.

[Wishfire 2]

Well, I have my bus ticket. Well, the receipt for it. I pick up the ticket itself about an hour before I leave, which will be about 1:30 pm next Monday. I'll be arriving in New Orleans about 11:30 am on Wednesday.

 

I'm not sure which frightens me more... Being away from Sinikka and Trent, the almost-two-day bus ride, or the uncertainty I'll feel when I get to New Orleans (about getting a job). Well, I suppose to start out while looking for something better I can go to the tattoo shop I used to work for and pass out advertising flyers for them and try to get people to come in and get pierced and tattooed. It was only $25 a day, plus $5 for everyone I got in, but I did a lot of hanging out with people I knew and drinking their beer, as well as chilling with my bosses while they got me stoned. Through all that, I was able to cover a lot of area and talk to a lot of people. With commissions (if you could really call them that) I was averaging about $60 a day. And if I want, they can hook my up with free ink. I have a couple ideas I'd like.

 

It's not much, but for the first week or two it'll be enough to keep me fed. And I'll be able to relax afterwards with a few beers.

 

I wonder if I'll find anyone I used to know. I'd like to find my old friend Zeus. We were close, but since I moved to SoCal we lost touch. It would be nice to hang out with him again. For all I know, he'll work with me. That would be cool.

[Wishfire 2]

Whoo-hoo.. I'm a COMMODORE!!!!!