Lubak10's Log

[Ace 0]

I'm pretty sure some of my friends worked as counsellors and such at Springhill this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if you ran into a few of them.

 

And congrats on the new-found confidence!

[Lubak10 0]

Really! The michigan or indiana camp?

[Ace 0]

Ah, there are two. The Indy one. I'm going to assume you were at the Mich one?

[Lubak10 0]

Yep, I was at the Michigan one so I wouldn't have met them. But I think it's sweet that they're counselors there. It's the most fantastic camp ever!

[Lubak10 0]

The Collar

 

I struck the board and cried, "No more;

I will abroad!

What? shall I ever sigh and pine?

My lines and life are free, free as the road,

Loose as the wind, as large as store.

Shall I be still in suit?

Have I no harvest but a thorn

To let me blood, and not restore

What I have lost with cordial fruit?

Sure there was wine

Before my sighs did dry it; there was corn

Before my tears did drown it.

Is the year only lost to me?

Have I no bays to crown it,

No flowers, no garlands gay? all blasted?

All wasted?

No so, my heart; but there is fruit,

And thou hast hands.

Recover all thy sigh-blown age

On double pleasures: leave thy cold despute

Of what is fit and not. Forsake thy cage,

Thy rope of sands,

Which petty thoughts have made, and made to thee

Good cable, to enforce and draw,

And be thy law,

While thou didst wink and wouldst not see.

Away! take heed;

I will abroad.

Call in thy death's-head there; tie up thy fears.

He that forbears

To suit and serve his need,

Deserves his load."

But as I raved and grew more fierce and wild

At every word,

Methougt I heard one calling, "Child!"

And I replied, "My Lord."

[Lubak10 0]

If finding God's way in the suddenness of storms makes our faith grow broad, then trusting God's wisdom in the dailyness of living makes it grow deep. And strong. Whatever may be your circumstances, however long they may have lasted, wherever you may be today, i bring you this reminder: the stronger the winds, the deeper the roots, and the longer the winds, the more beautiful the tree.

[Lubak10 0]

I love Doctor Who. There's just no way around it. The new show started out a bit badly, but I'm glad I stuck with it because it got soooooooo much better! I want to see the previous shows but I have no idea where or how. I seriously don't think that any of them are on TV anymore and even if i can find season sets online, British DVDs don't work in American players, plus I have no money to buy them with. Oh well. I suppose I'll live.

[Lursa 0]

Well, start saving up for them! I have no money either, I know it's sucks.

[Lubak10 0]

It's time for senior pictures!!!!! I'm so excited! I just got my hair done and it looks really good. I have to stop myself from playing with it so it stays nice and pretty. I was shocked that my mom took me out of school to get my hair done. Plus the classes that I missed were my two hardest. But I think the reason why is that she really wants me to have some good pictures so both her mom and my dad's mom wont be on her back because I have a bad picture. They would never complain to me or blame me for anything like that because I am the first girl on both sides and consequently I'm an angel who can do no wrong. I should go put on my makeup now. I'm going to try and get a CD of the pictures I buy so I can post some of them here.

[Kor37 9]

Am I the only one here that thought Lubak10 was a guy?..... :lol:

 

No offense intended Lubak...

[Lursa 0]

I am not going to lie to you, but at first I thought you were a guy too lol.

[Lubak10 0]

lol! that ok! Lubak10 is a bit masculine sounding. I am definitely not a guy. If I am then I have no idea whats going on with me every month.

[Lubak10 0]

I don't handle stress well. There are times when I truly wonder if I'll be able to make it through my senior year. People tell me that I'm a hard worker but I have no idea where they get that from because I think I'm one of the laziest people around. The weird thing is that the more time I have, the less I get done. I actually get more done when there isn't much time because there's more stress on me. Most of my weekend homework gets done Sunday night at 7pm.

[Lubak10 0]

Here are some of my best senior pictures!

 

Me and my borg bear!

 

 

 

 

[Lubak10 0]

Here are some more.

 

I'm probably going to use this one for the yearbook

 

 

 

[Ace 0]

The pics are great, Lubak!

[Lubak10 0]

Thanks Ace!

 

IT'S HOMECOMING WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm really excited about the game tonight which surprises me because I usually don't care much about this sort of thing but I guess because it's my senior year I've been infected with the homecoming spirit. Every other pep rally I've been to I went off to a corner with my friends and tried to talk over the noise, but this time I was up in the bleachers yelling, screaming, and chanting "06" with everyone else. But I wont be going to the dance. Some of my friends and I decided to dress up all formal and go to the movies, which is something we've always wanted to do. It's gonna be fun!

[Lursa 0]

Homecoming sucked at my school. it was just way to mess up innconet people house me and my date where at the dance were outside the whole time looking into the moon. lol.

[Lubak10 0]

Sorry your's sucked so much, Lursa.

 

Mine was a blast but that was mostly because one of my best friends who graduated last year came to the game and I got to see her! We had so much fun and were laughing the whole night.

[Lubak10 0]

Wow, I haven't posted in a while. I guess that's what happens when you're an insanely busy senior.

 

I got back from SpringHill today and it feels weird being home. Until now, the shortest time I'd been there was one week, and this weekend I was only there for a 1 1/2 days. I feel like I should still be there. I had soooooo much fun while I was there. The best part was paintball, moms against daughters! I got quite a few welts but they weren't that bad so they're almost gone. I'm a bit disappointed because I was looking forward to showing them off on Monday. My mom went down the zipline and I got some great photos of it! I thought for sure that since I'm still a beginner when it comes to photography that they would be cool, but not really cool. If these pictures turn out the way I think they will, they will be really really really cool! The spiritual side wasn't emphasized as much as it usually is (it was more about the relationship between a mother and a daughter) but something happened while I was there. I'm not really sure what. I know my relationship with my mother is different because I was able to internally work out the problems I have with my mom and know what they are makes it easier to deal with. Plus I don't blame her for as much as I did. One of the themes of the weekend was letter writing and daughters were supposed to write letters to their moms and moms wrote letters to their daughters. I drew a picture instead because I knew if I started to write the letter would turn into something mean and hateful and I didn't want that. But when I read the letter my mom wrote me, I was shocked. She wrote that she never had a close relationship with her mother and when I was born she wanted to make sure that didn't happen with me. Unfortunately, that happened, but when I think back to what was going on early in my life, I realize she did the best she could. Until now I had just blamed her and labeled her as negligent, but with all the stuff she had to deal with when I was little I'm not surprised that things turned out the way they did. Maybe I should slow down and not be so eager to throw that part of my life away. I learned so much about her this weekend that I just had never taken the time to learn before.

 

Something is different with God too. I'm really not sure what's different though. I feel like the boat's been rocked. One thing that the speaker for this weekend said that really sticks out in my mind is she was talking about a period where her daughter would get sick all the time and would barf all over . Even when her daughter got sick on her she would never be mad. In fact, it made her want to hold her daughter even more because she wanted to help her through this sickness. That's what God wants too. He wants to hold us and love us through our "sickness" and even if we come to Him covered in filth He will take us in his arms and love us! I've always had trouble coming to God after I sin because I feel too dirty for Him. I'd always known in my head that I could go to Him no matter what, but hearing it that way made a difference. I still don't know what I'm feeling. Maybe all it is is nostalgia and a desire to be back at SpringHill. Before we left today I went to my cabin area and just stood in the spot where we would gather before work for the longest time. I didn't go into my cabin because I didn't want to see it striped down and bare. I like remembering with rugs, candles, and people's stuff everywhere. It was so hard to walk away from there. It holds so many memories, and no one was in Copper Country so it was so quiet and peaceful. I half expected the boys to walk up the hill so we could go work the lunch shift. I miss everyone so much. I hate not living near them. i should stop now. i want to have time to read my Bible before i get too tired. I haven't read it in way to long. Plus I need to find a senior quote for the yearbook.

[Lubak10 0]

I'm pretty freakin excited right now. I'm starting my internship for Youth Connections next week and it's after school. Most of the other internships are during lunch and/or 4th period so the entire class is excused from school during that time. Most days I'll just hang out in the school library and do homework, but since Jessi doesn't have class during that time on Monday we can totally go hang out at Beaners once or twice a month. w00t!!!

[Lubak10 0]

I need to talk and download to someone, but I don't know what I want to say. Things just seem messed up even though I know there not. I need to stop living in the past and second guessing everything i do. I sometimes think of situations that happened over a year ago and kick myself for them. I hate that I'm always complaining and ranting about how much I have to do. I'm sure the people around me are sick of it too. I don't understand how I'm feeling right now. I don't hate my life, but I don't like it, and I'm not indifferent or anywhere else inbetween. I'm just confused. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do. Photography used to be a release but it's not anymore and I need something new, but I have no idea what to use. I guess what it comes down to is that I just want to feel like I have some control over things.I want to feel like I'm loved and I know that I am, but the two are not the same thing.

[Lubak10 0]

I think I know where I'm going to college. Spring Arbor University. It's really small (only 4,000 students total) but I like that. I like knowing that I can wake up at 8:45 for a 9:00 class because the building it's in is only two minutes away. I like the idea of going to a professors house with some other students on the weekend for a barbecue. Plus, I really think that the Christian atmosphere will be good for me in my first few years of college. My faith isn't that strong and if I go someplace that doesn't have that atmosphere I'll stray and make mistakes that I'll regret later in life. This place just seems right. If I can make it work financially it's definitely where I'm going.

[Lubak10 0]

I think I have a crush, but I'm not sure. Is that weird? The guy is the intern in my AP US History class and I'm always thinking about him, but not in a romantic way. His name or his face always pops into my head randomly and I want to impress him, but it doesn't feel like crushes I've had in the past. The whole situation is just weird. Maybe it's because he's insanely smart and I want him to think I'm smart too. I don't know. I'm gonna stop here cause my cat wants my attention and thinks he's the only one who should have it.

[Lubak10 0]

Yesterday after school i had my first internship for Youth Connections with the girl I am mentoring. It didn't go as well as I had hoped but things will get better. Most of the time, for these internships, students are teacher aids and all they have to do is what the teacher tells them to. With a mentor situation, what we do is totally up to us. Since neither of us was quite sure what exactly was supposed to happen the girl I mentored just did her homework and I did mine until she had a question about what she was studying. We talked a little bit about books because reading is something we both love to do, but that was the only real interaction we had. I need to figure out ways to structure the time more; maybe i can find some math games online or something.

[Lubak10 0]

I am freaking out! I just realized that I agreed to babysit this Thursday which is the same night as one of the New York rehearsals! BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD THIS IS BAD! I talked to a girl in my AP Lit class who I trust and she gave me a maybe. My cell phone is now glued to my body till she calls me with an answer. I really hope she can cover for me!

[Lubak10 0]

I love Stratford! It is quite possibly the coolest town I've ever been to (which might change when I go to New York, bu Stratford will still be on the top 5).While I was there I saw As You Like It by Shakespeare, but this director set it in the 60s. When I first found that out I thought it was going to be horrible but it actually turned out really well. It was Shakespeare in 60s clothes with a cool song every now and then. If it Hamlet or Macbeth set in the 60s then it probably would have been bad, but since As You Like It is a silly, frivolous, comedy anyway it turned out ok.

 

While I was there I went to this really cool shop that was Scottish themed. There were kilts and plaid things everywhere and I wanted to buy a plaid scarf but they were really expensive, so i bought a hat that has the Scottish flag on it. I'm going to wear it to this Scottish festival that me and my dad are going to next weekend. I also went to this clothing store that had sophisticated goth clothes there. It had the attitude of goth but was done in a way that you could wear it to a formal occasion and be fine. It was really cool.

 

The bus ride wasn't that great because movies were playing the entire time. First we watched Hitch (which was the most boring movie ever!) then The Princess Bride (love it!) then National Treasure and then part of Harry Potter. Since I was right under a speaker i couldn't listen to music or read when a bad movie was playing.

[Lubak10 0]

I GOT IN!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!! Spring Arbor called while I was at my little sister's band concert and they were calling to say I got in! This came on a good day because I had just been turned down for a scholarship this afternoon, but this makes it better! I don't know if I am for sure going here yet, it depends on how much money they give me, but I hope I hope I hope I can go!

[Lubak10 0]

Not much has been going on lately. My mild attraction to this one guy has exploded into a full blown crush and I hate it because it's really hard to pay attention in APUSH when all I can think about is the guy sitting near me. Guys make everything more complicated! But I'm sure we girls make things just as hard for them, so I can at least get some pleasure out of that.

 

There's a lot I need to do, but not much of it is interesting, so I'm gonna stop here.

 

PS I miss Coco A really bad today!

[Lubak10 0]

I am so glad it's friday! I have a lot of work I need to catch up on, including a history test on Monday on a chapter that I haven't even read yet. Plus I need to call L&L about the Van Cram. I kinda want to go to the video store to see if they have Firefly so me and Jessi can have our Firefly party, because we're geeks like that (PS: go see Serenity! It's frickin sweet!). I also need to practice my city driving so I don't get lost when I go see Karl (whohoo!). Anyway, that's my life right now. Kinda lame, but I like it.

 

Oh! I almost forgot! I developed the pictures that I took of Hannah at swim practice yesterday and they turned out fantastic! I wont be able to tell for sure what they look like until monday when I make a contact print, but there are three photos I'm really looking forward to. One is of Hannah standing next to these little girls who literally come up to her belly button (it looks much cooler then it sounds), one is Hannah swimming straight toward me while I'm lying down so I'm on her level, and the last one is a photo of one of the other girls jumping off the diving board. When my teacher starts to teach us photoshop I'll try to put some pics here.