Lursa's Personal Log (Part2)

[Lursa 0]

Thanks

[Odo 0]

No needs for thanks

Must and always protect my little sister.

You have been adopted. You now have a big brother to watch over you

and you can talk to

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0505.06

 

Tomorrow will be prom,and trust me i will have alot of fun and kick some a$$ for the last time. I am not sad because I will be with rob he is my protector and friend. But I need to tell him the truth how i feel about him and our friendship in general. My time at high school is going slowly but I really can't wait until i get into college it will be a very interesting experience.

 

I'm still not done with Blood and Gold by Anne Rice by I will try to finish that up soon. The weather is dark and deary Just how I like it. It is such a turn-on storms are for me. But I will mention that in another log......

 

Computer End log.

 

Lursa out.

[KIMIMELA 1]

Stardate: 0505.06

My time at high school is going slowly but I really can't wait until i get into college it will be a very interesting experience.

Computer End log.

Lursa out.

322928[/snapback]

 

I was quite exicted in leaving High School, but when I left I was sad. Soon as I knew I was going to College I couldn't wait. I absolutely love it now, its so fun. If it's anything like mine I'm sure you'll enjoy it. I wish you future luck!

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0505.09

 

Prom was a blast, but some things did not come out like the way i wanted to come out. Rob really felt like he did not want to be here with me. He kept on watching his watch he said that he wanted to get out of here. I was so hurt by this that i really was not sure if wanted to be with him at some time. Then i had the chance to tell him how i really feel and i was so nervous.

 

But i did tell him how i felt i did not care about that at all. I told him that i love him and he told me that he loved me to but. When i heard the word buti knew that it was for the worst. He said that if we that way with each other that he would not see me like the way he respects me now. This really hurt me and i really do love him. He likes me but he is afraid to act on it. Then for the rest of night he was kinda of acting like a jerk but the worse was yet to come. Yes we did dance but all he want thinking about was his music and playing piano.

 

He has it on his mind 24/7 he never thinks about me anymore. I am 2nd his piano is 1st. It is a hard thing of me to feel right now and now i am sad again. He said that i was werid and that i should not into things like star trek I am not the same person that i used to know. All he remembers was a girl who had no future but now i am making one for myself. I will still be independant and no one and i mean no guy will take that away from me.

 

He trying to change me and friends don't do that to make matters worse he promised me that he would take me to prom. He took another girl with him and he said that he was going to take me. This even hurt me more that his parents allowed him to hurt me in that matter. I was starting to cry, but i kept in my heart. Then it got even better lol. Then he another guy that the corsage that he brought me that he wanted to a cheaper one but he got this one for me for free. I was so mad that i wish I didn't go with him in the first place.

 

It was a good night with bad intentions.

 

Computer end log........

 

Lursa out.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Lursa please listen to me.

 

I hope to save you some grief here.

 

I was with someone like Rob for a long time.

 

He tried to make me into something I wasn't and I lost myself. I lost who I was, I forgot the things I was interested in, I became clinically depressed.

 

I was never #1 with him, never.

 

Believe me, if he loved you in the way you DESERVE to be loved, than YOU would be first, and you would be happy to let him have his music because he showers you with so much love and happiness that you would do anything to make sure he gets the same.

 

Believe me, there is someone out there that will love you completely and not change you.

 

It does hurt, I know it does.

 

But it is better to face it now and move on, rather than give so many years to someone who will never ever make you feel complete or care about your happiness.

[Kor37 9]

No offense but let me get this straight. This guy Rob was supposed to take you to the Prom and instead he took another girl AND you? Then he gave you a cheap corsage that he got for free? And.....after all of this, you still took him aside and told him you loved him?

Lursa, you seem like a nice girl and the last thing I want to do is to hurt your feelings but.........GET A CLUE, GIRL!

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0505.10

 

I was glad that i had the whole chance to go to the zoo. Most of the animals were depressed and personally I don't blame the animals for feeling that way. It was very and I want to get out of there as soon as i could. I had about 3 glasses of water and it was drving me crazy. But I am done with Rob and my other friend Andrew. I hope that everything works out for them. But i need room and space ans only then can i find myself.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Stardate: 0505.10

 

I was glad that i had the whole chance to go to the zoo. Most of the animals were depressed and personally I don't blame the animals for feeling that way. It was very and I want to get out of there as soon as i could. I had about 3 glasses of water and it was drving me crazy. But I am done with Rob and my other friend Andrew. I hope that everything works out for them. But i need room and space ans only then can i find myself.

323470[/snapback]

 

 

 

B) B) B) B) B)

 

Yay for you!!!!!!

 

 

I know that wasn't easy to decide but I'm glad you did.

 

Anybody who says they "like you, maybe love you", and yet doesn't spend time with you is clearing contradicting what they say, and I'll take the actions over the words any time.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0505.11

 

We watched Star Wars episode 4 in class. It was interesting, but I am more of trek fan 4 life lol. Yeah, Madame Butterfly I am glad that I am trying to move on because I really don't need this kind of pain in my life. The only reason why feel this way is when you get to a point in your life when enough is enough. I'm too nice of a person to feel this pain in my life. I know that a guy will come along and he will be the one. It will take time. I will wait now as long as it takes.

 

I love the fact that i feel free again. No more BS! I love it. To finally have the chance to have some more freedom in my life. I haven't had the time to watch TNG because I am sad about the end of Enterprise. I don't want anyone to bother me and well it will be great to know that i saw the last episode. Robert said that he will call me this weekend so that we can talk. When we were at prom he saw how many guys thought that he was lucky to be with me. But he just doesn't get it I took down all of my photos of him as well.

 

I am in love with him, and not the jerk that he has become my heart is still healing at this point. To cheer myself up I am opening up an e-bay account so i can sell anime online and make some money for college. And then open up my online store and that would be great. Personally, I don't care if Rob calls because he said that he loves me, yet he doesn't call I am way to nice for that.

 

Plus, I still have so much homework up my A$$ that I don't know where even to start it is drving me crazy. But i have about 3 weeks of school left but they will be the longest days of my life.

 

Lursa out.

[Kor37 9]

I'm so glad you finally saw the light !

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0505.14

 

Well this weekend is one of the worst ones that I have ever. Rob promised me that he would call at 2pm and he didn't. So like I mentioned the last time he really doesn't give a *poopie* about me in the first place. I really don't have time for that anymore. Once again, I would like to thank all of the supporters for standing up for me and making me at least try to feel better.

 

Then like the weekend chould not get any worse...................

 

I go to my mailbox and i get a letter from the KMHS Scholarship Foundation. So I am thinking to myself that i got it! Money for college. Then the letter says that I didn't get anything. After all the stuff that went through and done for this school I didn't get anything. I'm so mad about that I almost lost my dam*ed mind once again! I've worked so hard in my life that I have placed my health on the line.

 

They are going to give to these people who don't deserve it. I am so hurt that I am depressed once again. This time, I hope that I don't lose it for a long time. Summer will be depressing for it will be spent in my room reading and playing video games. And my friends, of course will not care to hang out me. What a lonely world that I live in..........

 

Lursa out.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0505.19

 

Computer please Update on condition.............

 

High school is almost over for me and I really can't wait to get into college. I will meet new people and have a completely different enviorment which will be so great. I need to get away from KM and I need it now. These 8 days will go very slowly. I tried to talk to James, and well he is still acting like an A$$hole to me so I really don't have time for him anymore. I'm too nice for him and well if he can't handle that then screw him. I'm had it up to here with people.

 

As for Rob, he is playing his piano until his fingers go numb lol. But right now I am planning my summer out:

 

1.) Learn how to drive

 

2.)Learn to swim

 

3.)Read as much as i can.

 

4.)Finish the rest of my video collection

 

5.) Get college stuff early

 

6.) Join my local anime club or go to a anime or gaming convention

 

7.) Finish reading my Star Wars and Trek novels and movies once again lol

 

So much I have to do and also i will work two jobs to get me to pay of all of my school fees. But, I know when i get my degree it will be all worth it.

 

Lursa out.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0505.22

 

My rebirth has begun. My shell is no longer broken it is complete. I've opened up those doors, i've yet to close but they are open. This my world, the world I live in. News of the upmost came to me today. My brother can not come to my grad party and he didn't give me a reason at all. Now you tell me, what kind of brother is that? The pain is non-existant, cracking no longer down my back. Waves of enlightment fill my soul for the calling has come. I know now what I need to do, the thing that I should have done a long time ago. Searching for my soul and leaving the dirt behind.

 

Because of the stress, my life has not been the same. All those barriers that I thought should be long gone came back. Andrew and Robert need to find themselves that is why they feel they are going in circles in life. But my road is becoming clear those steps are going to my haven, the destiny that needs to be discovered. All this time i've been trying to change myself for the love and compassion of others. To find love you need to find what makes you who you are and love yourself.

 

It's true that a good person is made from the goodwill of others. But, you can so much to other when advantage becomes the disavantaged. Love is power, friendship, and the almighty corruption. I am beginning to understand this lesson and what my purpose in life stands for. I deserve all the good things that God has for me and yet I have forgotten his great gifts that he bestoy on me and on everyone else. He has opened my eyes to see the true of my ways and for what I thank him everyday.

 

I finished up TNG: season two and it was great, I loved to see how everyone on the ship becamed bolder and more personality was given. The first season seemed to me like every other season the characters had no personality what so ever. But I am glad, that season two did make up for it lol. I hope that this new me will forget the boring "old me".

 

End log.................

 

Lursa out.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0505.23

 

I am going to make this one a very short one. School is almost over and i'm so tired that I can't wait to get done with it. I need this break the break that I finally deserve. It can be such a pain in the A$$ to have a non-stop shedule and then I wonder how the heck to I live. But I will try and tell you the rest when I go to school.

 

Lursa

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0505.25

 

I'm being the better person that I need to be. But I have alot of homework to do and of course I am being lazy. I can't blame myself for being this way. It is the end of the year and i need some time to relax and work out I have gained some weight and now I need to get it off once again. I can't wait to see what happens to me in a new start in my life. College is a new start for me and I hope that I will find the man of my dreams someday. I thought it would be Rob, but I guess I was wrong. I am in no hurry like i used to be. Things will fall in place for me in time.

 

I am almost done with school and of course i've picked up some werid hobbies in the first place. I am start to get good at music and songwriting I will do that all summer to keep myself busy. I am happy that I feel where i belong. But Rob can come to see my graduate which is wrong because I really wanted him to be there. His parents can be werid sometimes. But I will try and make him come no matter what the cost. Even for 5 min it will make me feel good. I really didn't want a party in the first place.

 

My mother told me that I deserve it, and well maybe I do. But I can be a loner most of time, due to I don't trust people like I used to. There has been alot of pain in my life, but I will not try to pull me down. Well there will be more thoughts tomorrow.

 

Lursa out.

[Kor37 9]

What kind of music do you write?

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0505.26

 

I forgot my homework on the bus. What a great way to start off my day. But at least I will have a relaxing day at school for once. I will turn in my paper. To answer your question Kor, I write alot of goth, rock, and urban songs. I just goes with what my heart tells me. That is the best way to live life. I read my horoscope today it told me that i would find a new love lol. Werid isn't it. I love darkness.

 

Lursa

[Odo 0]

Hey boo we go where are heart sends us.

little sis we must above all else go where the path and heart

take us. We can't let anyone change that for it is our life not theirs.

Love and best wishes.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0506.06

 

I'm proud to say that I am offically done with high school. But not everyone that i wanted to be there showed up. Not even half of my family was there and that was really sad you know. I try to be supportive of my family. but yet they are never here when i need them. Now you tell me what kind of family is that. It is my graduatuion and not even my 2 brothers showed up. One them called me today saying sorry they could not make it. They could but they didnt want to. But I was still having a good time. My family is very werid. But I did get the suprise of my life. An old friend of mine, Brandon came out to my house and we hang out before he had to go. I will miss him. but i know that he will be back in 8 years. I know, that is a lot of time.

 

But I decided that since Robert doesn't care about me and he thinks that i have no life, I went got my cell phone and called him on the road. He asked me what i was doing and i was out with my friend brandon. He thought that he was my boyfriend. And well he was like "play along". So we did. And he was in so jealous it was funny. I was being evil and i was liking it. Because he was taking me for granted. All I have done is be nice to him. But now he sees that my world is not around him.

 

So it was friday when this happened. So then it was the greatest gift. A huge white truck comes out, and the guy is like "Speical gift" for me. And then my father comes out with this huge boquet of flowers in a crystal vase and a teddy bear is attached to it. I open the card and it is from Robert. I was so suprised that he would do this for me. It is amazing what people can do and changed. But trust me, as nice as this was I think he might have done this out of jealousy from me hanging out with another guy. So, I am not letting me guard down so easliy. I called him and told him thank you. And he was not hyped up at all. But, his mother was happy. Personally, I think that he is in a lot of presure with testing and all.

 

Well, not need to worry my friends. I am back and I will always love this place. I am an ensign in the trvia and i happy. I'm learning more about trek so i hope to move in rank some more.

 

Lursa out.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0506.13

 

I know my lack of updates is appalling. But i have a good reason. I have a lot going on in my life and well things are starting to get better. One of my friends invited me to one of her parties. She only wanted to call so that she could meet robert. That is the only reason why people call me is to see robert. Now don't get me wrong I still have feelings for him. But i know that he does not care so i am moving on slowly. On the June 9 I went for my college placement testing God knows i want to do well.

 

I am glad that I got into college but i don't want to start from sratch you know. It can be a pain in the a$$. Well, I started to watch Stargate and finished it I thought that it was an excellent movie that really shows another side to sci-fi. I have not seen the new series yet but i intend to. Movie-watching is one of my hobbies and trust me i have a lot of movies to watch and review for my offical site that i need to work on lol. I will do most of that work tomorrow. Well guys I just need to know that i am still here and i care for you all.

 

Lursa out.

[Spike The Trill 0]

 

I know just how you feel. Not about the college testing, but, you know....

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0506.15

 

Having website is like having a baby. It hurts the most when you don't update it. I need to start working so that is what i am doing right now. But work has not being going well. So i took it into my own hands. People just like to direspect me left and right. Is it fair that I am nice and that the bad people have the good things in life? Well, I for one am not going to stand for that no more. It is one thing to be nice; and another thing to be taken advtange of. That is what my work place is doing to me all the time. Also being a black female is not always nice.

 

Sometimes, my mind has me thinking backwards. What if I were white? Would I be going through alot of the stuff that I am dealing with now at work. Racism is a horriable thing espeically at the workplace. I will keep all of you guys updated with my progress. I have my fingers crossed......

 

Lursa out.

[Spike The Trill 0]

I hope things get better for you soon, Lursa. :huh:

I know what you mean, about how it seems that the bad people seem to get everything. In fact, I was just thinking that today.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0506.20

 

Thanks Spike.......I really apperiate the support right now i need it.....

 

If you have checked my offical site lately. I am making Anime month for this month and the next month! I am trying to do this to make my bad month become better. Just when things I thought were getting better they got worse......... I have a headache and my parents were not making it an easier by not giving me comfort. I felt like crap for this whole week has been a pain. You know I need to have a long break.......

 

From work, from everything. You know I took it upon myself to call Rob, just to see how he is doing he is never home. But he never called me back, even when I leave messages. But, oh well, so I got invited to this Urban Journalism program that I was in they had a reuion on Father's day. I thought that it was werid and none of the people from class of 2004 didn't even talked to me. They just gave me werid looks like usual. I always expect that. Then, I had a meeting at wal-mart with headquarter's boss.

 

He was really nice, and I will get away from cashiering and move into a department called ICS. But the people at work have been werid to me and still are. But oh well, I must get used to this bad luck. This shadow that follows me no matter where I go or what I do. But this last week was torture. First, I had to go to a meeting at 9am, then 2 parties with my annoying relatives who really don't care about me in the first place. We were at these parties until morning which was really annoying.

 

So, to sum up, I am pissed off, stressed, and tired all at the same time. And I have not gotten my permit yet for drving because my parents are still holding me back. Also, tomorrow I have a college planning crap meeting to go to. I did bad on those test anyways, so I am expecting them to tell me. And I can't wait for the weekend to give me a lot of crap at work. So i am (cough) having a really sh**y time right. I need to ease my pain............ Or i don't know what i am going to do............

 

No matter what the problems I am still alone............................

 

 

Lursa out.

[Spike The Trill 0]

I know what you mean about the way people at work treat you. I, too, and the odd man out at both of my jobs. It does bother me sometmes, but most of the time, I just think to myself "to hell with 'em".

 

What's your website about?

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0506.22

 

Well Spike, my offical site is basically about me and things that i like. I am werid person at heart and that is whay I don't have a lot of friends. But, my darkside is coming back and it is coming back strong in me. I don't fear it, I want to embrace that but I know that it is wrong. I might as well be evil lol. It has it benefits. My heart is so torn and in so many directions that i don't know what to do or think anymore.

 

Work went bad, i'm lonely and alone darkness comfort me. The enteral night is passionate and my bloodlust is becoming stronger. Being lonely sucks and i long for a partner to join me and make me happy. Is there something wrong with maybe it was thinner than more people would like me and accept me............

 

Lursa Out.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate:0506.26

 

This is about the best week that I have had in a long time! First off after waiting and waiting i finally got my drving permit. I failed the test about 3 times, but hey at least i got. I feel great right now and not depressed. But then low and behold, i got an e-mail from Robert. He told me that he was leaving for Austria and that he would not be back until august. At first, I used to be like freaked out about it.

 

But now, I am not worried or even care in the first place. He said that he would call me, but i really don't think so and i don't even care anymore. Yes, he is a friend but, he is not my boyfriend and doesnt like me in that way. So moving on is a process like anything in life. On top of that i love body pirecings they are so cool. All i want is my ears done and i have 3 lobe pieceings so far. Next i want my tragus and then i want industials on both sides on my ear and that's its.

 

At a time I even wanted my eyebrow and bellybutton, but then I decided that it was not for me. Not all piercing work for everyone. You have to get the one that feel the most comfortable to you. I am almost done with my section 31 one book that i was reading before about TOS. It's called cloak and it is really good. Plus, Monday I have a college meeting to go and tuesday I work this is going to be a long summer indeed...........

 

Lursa out.

[Spike The Trill 0]

Congrats on getting your permit!

[Lursa 0]

Stardate:0506.30

 

I got a werid phonecall yesterday it was Robert's father. He was so glad to hear from me! Usually, parents never call their son's friends, but this was different. He wanted to tell me how Rob was doing, and he gave the address in which he is staying for his music camp. Now, I part of me wants to write to him, but then again why the heck should I? It was great for his father to do that. And he said that he would have done the same thing for me. But is that true?

 

I don't think so. I have always been the giver and the doer. But, let me get my mind off of that. I have a meeting with the college that I am planning to transfering in and then do some other borning stuff and come back home. But, I have some good news I finally got a Job transfer at Wal-mart and I glad. But now I feel that I am getting some of the things that I deserve..........

 

Lursa out.