Lursa's Personal Log (Part2)

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0412.12

 

Computer begin log..........

 

Computer: Log recording established

 

Well,

 

It has been a long time since i left something my dear log. I had to leave what i am to be someone. I think that i have found my place in society, I was meant to enterain. I am meant to give people a good time. That is why i want to be a journalist and musician because i know that i can make people understand and laugh at the same time. I know that i can make it and no one is going to stop me. But i haven't done this in the past, but i would like to thank every member here on Star Trek Fans.net for being there for me through good and bad times. RikerChick,Odie,Mrs. Picard, and all of the many others who have helped me to be happy and understand ourselves. it is very amazing what the internet can do for you and also i find it truely fastanating how so many of us get along on here.

 

Most message boards that i have been on are not this one. We are just one big happy family. We understand each other, in meaning we try to put are differences aside for one common goal and that is Star Trek. Personally, I prefer Star Trek than Star Wars. I never like the Star Wars, i find it to be realy boring, espeically the new movies. Episode I and II please, and the new that is coming out is going to be a pain in the butt. I only hope that Star Trek will live on for many years to come.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0412.15

 

I'm really in the mood to put out my thoughts so let me be frank. I would first like to thank all of the people who have been there for me through the good times and the bad times. But i am so tired that now i don't want to go to class sometimes it can be so diffcult sometimes that i just want to die. So much to do so so little time.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0412.28

 

Well for some reason, my personal log go deleted so i will start a new one once again lol. It really sucks that my winter break i am spending it doing most of my homework and stuff. And plus I couldn't go to the party that i wanted to go to because my parents have this rule of the parents have to be there in order to go the party I hate being a Klingon in the modern sometimes you can have no fun at all. I might get some training on how to use a ba'leth someday make my own. I already am working on a Klingon temple in my basement and it is starting to look great. Well, I will get back to some posting and finish reading a DS 9 book that i was reading called bloodletter.

 

Lady Lursa

[Mike 5]

Actually Lursa, your other log is still here..It has fallen back to page 2 of this forum..

 

I've gone ahead and merged the 2 logs together so you will still only have one active log..

[Lursa 0]

Stardate 051.05

 

Since this the start of a new year how about computer lets do my log a little differently..........

 

Acknowleged.............

 

 

Start Log:

 

Man this has been the worse start to a new year. So many people dead, it just blows your mind when you think about it. I'm becoming more mature every since i hear about this. I hate the fact that alot of kids in my class are making fun of this tragic event. My heart goes out to all of the people who hearta have been broken. Who still up to this moment, can not find their loved ones. I will pray for you and hope that they will come home safely. Also to those people, CUT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only is that inhumane, but not nice to be that way all.

 

My friend went through an event that no girl should ever encounter. Her boyfriend hitted her and called her a whore. Yet, she still wants him and wants to work things out. Personally, I think that she is crazy sometimes you have to let people go no matter what the reason is. I had to a guy i liked to leave him. He was treating me wrong, and like with my friend, I'm afraid that she is in a abusive relationship. If she doesn't leave him i'm afraid that things will not look good for her. But the good news is that I finished reading bloodletter. I will try to do a review for it soon and post it on the website overall it was a good book.

 

Well, the process of being busy never stops for me so i have to go.

 

Computer end log................

 

 

Computer: Closed log...............

[Odie 0]

Stardate 051.05

 

Since this the start of a new year how about computer lets do my log a little differently..........

 

Acknowleged.............

 

 

Start Log:

 

Man this has been the worse start to a new year. So many people dead, it just blows your mind when you think about it. I'm becoming more mature every since i hear about this. I hate the fact that alot of kids in my class are making fun of this tragic event. My heart goes out to all of the people who hearta have been broken. Who still up to this moment, can not find their loved ones. I will pray for you and hope that they will come home safely. Also to those people, CUT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only is that inhumane, but not nice to be that way all.

 

It may sound inhumane, but some people use humor to disguise their actually feelings. It is only natural thing for children to do. It is also means that they Asia is not far from there thoughts. I am glad to hear that you don't it, and mature enough how experese your feeling in the right direction.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 051.10

 

Computer it is time once again.............

 

Computer: oh ok i got ya.............lol begin log...............

 

It has beena really werid year anyway and i would like to thank all of you for supporting me throughout 2004. I hope that with 2005 will bring more positive and more new memories to share. Thanks odie i understand waht you mean. I am a very mature person i've always been that way ever since i was little. I had to learnd how to grow up fast in a society were everything is not as it seems to be. For it is very diffcult to be a girl but i learn how to cope with it. Being depressed for most of my life, I am beginning to understand how perious life is. Now i may be hardcore sometimes but you need to be tough in order to live.

 

Computer: May i end your log now

 

Yes..........

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0501.12

 

So much studying needs to be done for me that it is not even funny. There are times when i wish i was not in school. I don't see the point 5 years of elementary, 3 years of middle school, and then 4 years of high school and college. Being in school that long just wants you to take a long break and never come back. It is really sad that we don't have time to smell the flowers or even to get some desent sleep in the first place. When i try to get some sleep, it is so hard to that i am up until the moring. But tomorrow will be diffcult for me. I have to tell my friend something that i care about him alot. I won't be to school on that day so it will be diffcult to say it on any other day.

 

I have to tell him or else my soul will feel lost. The school year is almost over and i'm glafd and I can't wait i'm so sick of school that it is drving me crazy. Monday through Friday its like what the heck lol. But at least sometimes it can be fun lol. But this week has been really crappy for me in the first place. Today, one of my great friends found out that her mother is dying, i have a test that i had no idea, i forgot to finish a paper that was due TODAY, etc could it get any worse. What i will say that the best highlight of my week is that i got to see Rob in such a long time. He did look great with now longer hair, but the funny thing was that i looked great as well lol.

 

I wish that someday i could get married to my best guy friend. I think that is the sweetest person that I have ever met. I do love him don't get me wrong. But there are somethings about me that i think he may not like lol. I don't think that he like a plus-size girl like me. He may be alike alot fo other guys these days always going for the skinny girls.

 

Computer: Ending log established...................................

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0501.13

 

I'm at school right now trying to finish up my homework and having a great time with that. Homework is such a pain just even talking about gives me a headache. I hope that school will be done soon and quickly. I'm sick right now as well and feeling a little to lightheaded for my tatses lol. I hope to get better before i go to adademic delcathlon compeition i have a speech to give there and i am not sure if i can do. but if i believe more in myself than i will.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0501.19

 

To begin this log, would like beginning my life all over again. It sucks alot right now. Even typing this log i am falling alsleep. Too many exams in such a little time. I am not even sure if I passed any of them or not. I can only pray, and hope to God that I passed in the first place. I have not heard from Rob for such a long time. I got him some cool and usually when he gets me something i call and thank him. On the other hand, he has not called me yet and i feel hurt. Sometimes I feel that he is not like other guys, that there is something werid about him. I don't know what it is. But i need to find out something is not right. I don't know alot about him and we have been friends for over 9 years now.

 

Sometimes, I think to myself late and night and wonder what has this world come to. I don't even know who is my enemy and how is my friend. I'm frozen in time, and when i melt the truth will come out. Like always I love to figure out the unknown and the paranormal. It was the weridest thing i woke up this morning and had a werid dream about my exams and i did fine. Maybe this is telling me that i need to relax and not worry about how anything goes. But since i wond some awards now everyone is brushing me off.

 

A part of me wonders if I am normal. But then again, I am not but whatever happens one thing is for sure I am not allowing myself to be hurt again at no matter the cost. That is the main reason why I hate high school you don't get to do your own thing. When you do have the chance it is all taking away from you.

 

 

Lursa

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0501.25

 

Yeah! I haven't been here for awhile that is mainly due to being busy with school. But i am so out of it, I'm tired of being in school that i want to just go home right now. But then i have to go to work, which in reality is not that fun. Then over the weekend, I had the chance to go to Hot Topic. That store is so crappy, but they have the gauges that I need for my eyes. I just started getting into the body mods i think that they look so cool. I was reading my horoscope today and it said that i would find love really soon. I don't believe it.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0501.28

 

Friday in mind is the best day of the whole week. Not only to get to go home and not think about homework and such you don't have to go to school on the weekends. I wish that school was only 3 days week due the my busy routine. Being a senior in high school is hard sometimes i even hate it. There is so much more and money to spend that you wonder by the end of this, is it really worth it or is this just a big waste of time. School can be very diffcult espeically getting you college stuff together. Well i have to go i have classes to do.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0501.30

 

Computer will you begin my log please?

 

Computer: Establing Log..............................Begin

 

 

Thanks...........................

 

 

Well all is well that ends well. Me and my mother just came out from one of ours shoppings sprees and well this is the only time that i get to spend with my mother so it is well worth it. So, We get home and to my surpise there is a werid package at our front door. It is from my friend Rob!!!!! I can not believe that they got us something when they really didn't have to you know lol. So me and my mom are so excitied to see it that i was like I wonder what is inside. I come to find out that it is marable chest with a mirror to go with it!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe how beatiful it really is until I place it my room. I love his mother i think that she is a very great person with good taste.

 

But then, like always i have to deal with buttholes who don't seem to care about me. Like since many of you know I love Rob of course (wink,wink lol). I can't seem to get out of my mind that James is being so mean to me. You see, I liked James alot but he really never seemed to care only when he wanted to. But the problem that i'm comptending with is that he likes me but then there are days when he wishes i were just not there. One of my teachers Mr. Anderson great guy but i love how he likes to set up romances its amazing.

 

Twirp or aka the Valentine's day dance is coming up and i really would like to go with someone I know that Rob won't ask me out to this but i thought that James just might. But when he came into my teacher's room as Mr. Anderson asked him that he might want to take me otut because i am a nice person. But he was like "Dances are a watse of time and money." When I heard that my heart was broken. I told him how i feel, and i even given hin signs so i have come up to this conclusion it will never happen. But i know one thing if me and Rob and not meant to be together it would really break my heart.

 

There is no guy that would be fit for me than him. I love him and I don't know if he knows how much i would love him and take care of him. anytime he was sick i would be there if i can and try to take care of him. Love is blind, you only know when your in love when the other person feels the same way as you do. If not, you're screwed! There you go and thus my story ends...........

 

End Log

[Lursa 0]

P.S On a side note, i've been promoted to Commander.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lursa 0]

0501.31

 

The end for the year man how quickly that went!!!!!!!!! Well I wonder how Feburary is going to be. I hope that it would be great, because I need some cheering up I've been going up and down with my emotions. And for once, I would like to have some balance in my life. To be able to say to myself one day, "I am hapy and nothing will go wrong lol." Don't get me wrong i love life and nature, but there are some times where I feel lost. The position that I am in right now, it will take a long time for me to get out of that.

 

I'm in love, PMS finally lol i've been having some problems with that and i hope that it is nothing serious. I haven't had my period for a long time and i hope that i am not seriously sick or something. In case you didn't know I converted to Vegetarianism last year and i love it. When you live with a family that is forcing you to eat meat, being me can be a diffcult thing. On a side note, I hope to get the lastest Anita Baker cd called My Everything. Anita is an excellent singer, but she is not really on the "mainstream" music market she always been to me an indie girl who has combined R&B/Jazz music.

 

There are very few artists like her left including Prince who respect and value the sence of the old school. The more that these are dissappear, the worst music of these artists will come out. People like Britney Spears I don't call rolemodels. I don't look up to them, mainly due to my sence of knowing that a girl who takes her clothes off for money is wrong. I bet she doesn't even know what girls do to their bodies everyday just to look like her. It makes me sick, I'm learning that through proper care and service my body and others like me will be fine.

 

So this go out to all of my broken-hearted girls out there if you love your body then you are great.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0502.2

 

Groundhog day is here, but this is the worst week for my life. I hate the fact that my life is going no where; but yet people expect me to be happy 24/7 and such. First off, I was pissed off because pushed into me for no reason and I lost it and yelled at them. Then all of sudden Hueston a great singer/rapper wanted to killl himself. My prayers go out to him and his family.

[Spockstellaiter 0]

Sorry you're not doin to well <_< , hope things are better for you soon

[Lursa 0]

0502.4

 

Thanks Spockstellaiter for reading and for caring in the first place. My parents are giving me the hardest time to today. That is the thing about parents no matter how good of a child you are to them, they still find a way to get mad at you for no reason. My mother yells at me almost all the time about how i don't do anything. I'm trying my best to be a good person and work my tail off at the same time. friday is the only time that i have to myself, and well i like to not be bothered sometimes. Yes, I try to help my parents the best way that I can but it's not good enough.

 

In the meantime, school was really fun today. I had the chance of a lifetime to break a folkway day. A folkway is a minor rule with a mior consquence and i broke a total of 8. I made my dress too short, my wig was on backwards, I played really annoying music (lol), etc........ I didn't have a chance to call Rob today, but I hope that i will have time to do so tomorrow and tend i have 3 papers to work on as well. What a great school year............. people pissed at me, I lost my friends, and also tons upon tons for homework.

 

Log session ended...................

[A l t e r E g o 9]

[Lursa 0]

0502.07

 

It's been awhile since I was last on here so let me give ya some updates. First off i'm getting ready for Adademic Declathlon Finals. A part of me really wants to win the Gold Medal in Speech. As a matter of fact I pray that i win. Winning is not everything, but to me this means alot. First off, my coach doubted my ability to do anything in the first place. She thought that I didnt have the ablity to achieve anything. So I am thinking to myself, I need to win this also to prove that you can never underestmate a person.

 

I am sad about Enterprise getting cancelled. Personally in my view, it is bad decision. Alot of people, like myself, enjoy the show never got a chance. Plus, if you look at the time they play it on friday it will never get any ratings. I am tired of good shows like this getting cancelled. It just too much for me to bear. But I wonder what is going on in my own life right now. So much to do in such little time.

[Angela 1]

Thanks for the comment in my log your journal is n't that bad, you seem like you have guy problems. The one thing I would think about is is their continued presence, along with the continued worry worth sacrificing your own self esteem. Maybe its cause I have spent so much time without guys, but I figure if its causing that much hassel it isn't worth it. of course yiu can choose not to listen cause well I have only dated onee guy and that went sooo well.

[Airies 0]

Greetings Lursa,

 

 

Good luck on you Decathalon. ( I hope I spelled that right.) And I know Enterpise getting cancelled bites. But I am sending letters to SCI)FI in hopes maybe they will pick up the show. I mean they have allot of shows that are terrible in my opinion. I understand not being to post as much as you would like. I finally got a job and it's a pretty good one but I work allot of hours and am very busy all the time. By the tme I get home I eat spend some time with the kids and try to get on line for a few minutes. I just got back on yesterday but my pc is still having probs. Well, good luck and I'll chat with ya later.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0502.9

 

I embark of my duties in the school office. I just started last week, and well i enjoy it very much. On the downside, there is alot of walking but it is a good workout lol. I'm missing Robert like crazy and someday I know that we are meant to be together no matter what. Also, today i getting to go the nuns house to help out with ask wedsnday and i need to go to the doctor because something is very wrong with me and I dont know what it is. I'm praying that i'm in good health because i dont want to die.

 

Life has no meaning to me anymore. It's the beginning for the end for me........ oh well I have to get going to math class.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0502.11

 

I would thank to everyone for the support that have given me. But i have some bad news, I went to the doctor and found out that something is wrong with me and i need to know what the heck is going on. I have a high blood pressure right now and i also need to lose some weight. I am really depressed because i thought everything was fine with me. Well, at least i know the truth. My doctor also said that it might be pre-cancerous in my uterus and that makes everything really great.

 

So, not only am i having a crappy week but I also have to deal with the fact that their is a good chance that i might have cancer. I hope not because i really want to live. Yet, a part of me wants to die and wants to be done with this life that I have. I don't feel that happiness that i used to have. What I have is this shadow of despair, but if i have it whatever it is, i have to fight it and fight it now. Before it might be too late for me.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0502.13

 

Ah, the one day that I hate the most is coming up and that is valentine's day. At my school they take it to a whole new level. It's very apalling as a matter of fact. I think this why I am still single lol. I've been hurt by love, oh so many time that i am beginning to lose my faith in love. Why so the mean people, who do many wrong things get love first before me or the very good people who work their butts off.

 

Personally, v-day to me is just an exuse for the major companies like wal-mart (where i work) or card shops just to make this these huge amounts of money that are never to be seen by the public. After that one day is over all the crap is trowen out and that is it. What a major watse of money on the costumer. Anyways, due to the condition that i have, birth control pills are the only answer says my doctor. I never thought of the day where i would be taking those ya know.

 

But if it's helps me to get better then so be it. I am losing my mind and also i am getting back on exerising everyday which is good but then in the meantime i hope that i can get the weight off before prom. But then the funny thing is that Rob has been acting strange lately. You see, for Christmas i brought him a colague set with some coco on the side. And you know the rule, If someone buys you something you tell them thank you no matter what it is. Well, Rob hasn't called me back to tell me thank you.

 

This is another reason why I am stressed out because maybe he didn't like the stuff that i brought him and i might never get stuff for him again. Why do guys have to act like such jerks sometimes? He knows that i care for him deeply, but for him to show me that caring it is hard for him to do. Well, if he is the one for me, we have alot of work to do and to finish lol.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0502.14

 

Well, I have some bad news for everyone. I got my test results back and i do have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). This means that i might have a hard time being able to have kids or have my period. This right now my heart is tearing at my soul and i really don't know what to do anymore because i feel like my life is over. A part of me really wants to fight this, but yet i don't want to deal with the pain. I am not sure if I want to come out with this or not. Maybe it would be better for me to not say anything at all.

 

Our of all of the things that i could happen to me, why did it have to be this. I try to be good, and love one's self as they say but not i am losing it. I have 4 more months until i am done with high school and this had to happen to me. My life feels like a wasteland, barren yet full at the same time. But I will do my best to keep my hope alive.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate: 0502.12

 

Queen of the night I am known of now. I sometimes wish that I were a vampire. Not to fear anything at all, and to live forever how cool is that! My dreams have always given me that outlook on life. It is not about the light but all about the darkness that lies ahead. My soul is pouring out but yet, my mind is in another realm. My dark side is fighting once again. Like the borg, I want to join the collective.

 

Being in the collective does not make you unique. Everyone is the same, everyone is happy. But my dreams i hope do not become a reality. It is the year 1700 i'm dressed in some pretty modern clothes. My Husband is a vampire and I dont know anything about that until later on. You see, humans and vampires have frought wars thoughtout history. I want to be able to have powers to control who and whatever i want. I'm evil once again and i like it. I feel great and i don't care what people think about me anymore.

[Jaz4stfguy 0]

Hi Lursa! It seems only fair to drop you a line since you've been kind enough to post on my log. Thanks, again. I'm sorry to hear of your health problems. My sister is in her 40's, and has never been able to have kids. Me, however, I've been blessed with 6 - yes, six! - so go figure. She and her husband have lived fulfilling lives together, both busy with their work. And have been great uncle and aunt to my children. Hopefully, God will steer you to someone special. My wife has been a good friend, and very forgiving of my moody moments. You see, I, too, feel that I slip into the "dark side" at times, though not as a vampire. Mostly just a feeling of "blackness", depression, in other words. Its good that you share your thoughts with others, even if they may seem bizarre to others. I look forward to more of your posts on my log. Jaz :P

[MrPsychic 1]

If you want to be a vampire, I have a site you may like: http://www.vampfangs.com/shop/index.php

 

I too want to be a vampire, perhaps we can share the night together.

[Lursa 0]

Stardate 0502.21

 

Battle of the bands is coming up soon. I will be doing one song there and then i have to go home. I won't be playing any music it will be from the heart. I can't wait to show these kids that i kick some butt as well. I hope that I won't be neverous but i will do my best and give it my all. Also i hope to be a vampire as well Mr Psychic and well we have fun together all night long. Life is like a tree you grow, develop and then you die.

 

Seems boring huh lol. I am trying to love my life. But sometimes life can kill my very own soul. Looking back into my past, i'm not the same woman that i used to be. I've got some friends, and maybe even a boyfriend pretty soon that would rock. I have to finish up the rest of my math homework.

 

Lursa out.