*~Luthien ó Lórien~*

[RikerChick 5]

I don't cut myself so I can't speak from experience, but I have friends who do cut themselves and the explanation they gave me is that, like luthien said, it calms them. Just like any other addiction it's not something most people can just quit instantly, it takes time and help. Luthien, I sincerely hope you get the help you need. Keep up the therapy.

[Rivendells_king 0]

Today has been a pretty sucky day,it started off last night when i got really angry and depressed and cut myself 10 times,not that i care but okay.

And this morning i woke up really early after a horrible night and now im still getting depressed more and more,sometimes it makes me really sick,i just feel stupid,annoying,unworthy,,ugly and fat and why cant i seem to change that image.

I dont know what to do...

Luthien it be ok. If you need to talk to somebody you allways have me to talk too, I have been through numerous bad experinces. But please dont cut your self you might kill your self and that will be really bad, there are people out there that like you no matter if your fat or stupid, heak im big and im in a special ed class and I have lots of friends.

 

Luthien you dont deserve those scars at all. You are such a nice person, nice people dont need to be hurt. Please do what ever you must to stop doing it.

[Lady Luthien 0]

Have you heard of Christ? By HIS STRIPES we are healed Please give Him a chance. Just ask him (with Faith) to become a part of your life. When you see the Miracle occur DON'T ignore it or pass it off as co-incidence, begin rejoicing!

U know what the ironic part is? Im a christian I go to church every sunday,i love God and to sing about him and yet still I mutilate his creation.That is also something that makes me feel bad bcuz i dont want God to think that Im a bad person.

I dont think im a nice person or a sweet person or smart,and my looks are even worse.If someone gives me a compliment i cant believe it bcuz it looks like i got a block on my mind or something.

Its so rude towards that person I know and its something i loose friends with.My low self esteem i mean,pple get sick and tired of it and search for new friends,i dont have so many friends in real life really.If you pple would see how I am in real life than I dont think you would wanna be nice to me bcuz i dont deserve it at all.

But thanks for all youre support,dont think it means nothing to me bcuz it does!!

:lol:

 

~Luthien~

[Delta 0]

Hi Luthien first thing, a big huggle. :wub: :lol:

I have a friend who is clinically depressed she has hurt herself in the past, she has been having therapy for over a year and now is finally responding to treatment. She thought that there was no hope, but I think that there is if you can get help.

 

I know that nothing anyone says will make you feel better. I wanted to say that I think you are very brave, you have taken the first step by telling people that you have a problem and the second step by getting help. Now you need to let them help you.

 

Remember people care about you, your family and friends in real life and people here. :)

[Lady Luthien 0]

thank you Delta :lol:

[Lady Luthien 0]

Today the weather kinda sucks,yesterday the new 3 meter window came so it all needs painting so in the background my parents are working on that and Im also gonna get a new floor and everything.But it all begins to look very nice.My whole room is gonna be changed and as soon as I can make photos Ill show em here in my photoalbum.

And soon its time for work,then i wont be back untill this evening.I havent worked in 2 weeks so going back there hmm i really dont wanna go but I need the money for Sweden.

Well dont have much to say really its all soo boring,noone is online and im just waiting till its time to go.

 

~Luthien~

[Lady Luthien 0]

Woaaa today has been an exhausting day! I did get to sleep long this morning but after that I had to work on my room with my parents which included painting and carpetting which was fun to do but still exhausting.Tomorrow i gotta go pick new curtains and paint for my walls and a new floor and all which will be nice to do and then i can start painting again in my room.

My computer will have to be disconnected then maybe so I dont know how long it will take before i can come online again Thursday im back for certain and maybe i can come in and out here during those days a few times.

Im listening to the best metal rock ever right now,some unknown band named Lacuna Coil with the song Heaven's Lie,its really good.

 

Well I dont have much more to add,gonna watch a movie later on and maybe some football and go to bed early,thats for sure.

Oh and happy 4th of july for everyone who celebrates it! Hope you pple have a great day!

 

~Lady Luthien~

[Lady Luthien 0]

So today its painting day for me again.My room will be finished this thursday and it still needs a lot of work.Today were gonna paint the walls the roof and the window exterior which is gonna be all white.

And then tomorrow theres not much we can do,we have to wait for the carpet to come and thats wednesday so wednesday we can do the carpet and finish the walls and thursday is decorating Im getting a new closet and a few boxes to clean up all my mess I got too much video's and dvd's.

Well thats all for now im gonna go painting.

 

~Luthien~

[hangon 3]

Sounds coool luthien,have fun helping your parents paint your room ..i still think pink is better

[Lady Luthien 0]

Sounds coool luthien,have fun helping your parents paint your room ..i still think pink is better

noooooooooooooooooooooooo no pink!!!!!haha B)

[Lady Luthien 0]

Today im stuck behind my dads computer,bcuz my room needs to be emptied for the new carpet.

The advantage is that this comp is faar better and faster so thats good!But i dont have my own music nor videos

Ah well I got my Nightwish cd' s so that should all work out.

Tonight i have to visit someone which im sooo NOT looking forward too,its really boring and i dont think i will stay very long but okay.

The weather here isnt so good,a bit cloudy but i dont mind,as long as I can be online all is fine.

Felt like crap again yesterday and I have been lying in bed the whole day mostly watching movies.And i cut myself as usual :S

Well at least im a a wie bit better today so.

[Lady Luthien 0]

Tonight has been an amazing experience,i was talking to some pple that kinda opened my eyes and told me that the way my life is going now i will end up dead,bcuz of the cutting and the not eating.Ive been talking with them and prayed with them for over 2 hrs and im finally beginning to realise that what im doing is not good and to all those people who ever told me i was stupid or ugly,screw them they know nothing about life!

 

Im kinda tired now after all this so i think im gonna go to bed early,well its already late but still :blink:

 

I just wanna thank those pple and God for opening my eyes.

[Sam The Smuggler 1]

I Am So Happy To Be Reading That.

[Angela 1]

I am glad that these people have been honest and told you. I hope this marks the first of many steps into healthy you, the one I know is lurking out there.

 

Need a buddy to talk with, just shout and I'll listen ok?

[Lady Luthien 0]

thanks u 2

[Sam The Smuggler 1]

*Gives Luthien A Big Squishy Hug* :blink:

[Lady Luthien 0]

*HUGE hug back!*

 

Im off to my friends place tonight,first were having pizza and after that were gonna go pool in a cafe in town so i wont be able to post here tonight.Im back tomorrow though.

 

~Luthien~

[ILIKESEVEN 0]

*Gives Luthien A Big Squishy Hug* 

count me in on that one

[Lady Luthien 0]

GROUPHUG!

[Lady Luthien 0]

So today its saturday again which means work this afternoon but oh well i need it badly.Also this monday and tuesday i gotta work right before i leave to England this thursday and then i wont be back till tuesday and after that its work again bcuz someone is going to order a planeticket to sweden at the end of the summer Meeeee!!I can hardly wait bcuz thats when my vacation is gonna start,next to England that is

Wel first i gotta see to get enough money,but my parents already promised they would help me out if i didnt get it on time since my work has been acting stupid lately.

I signed up for work for 2 whole weeks and all i get is 2 days a week Kinda annoying,so i thank my parents that they wanna help.

 

Well thats all for now i gotta get dressed and do my newspapers so.

 

~Luthien~

[Lady Luthien 0]

*yawn* im really tired.I got out of bed this morning at 7 bcuz i had to work and tomorrow i have to work again! Well its all for a good cause (that would be sweden) but its still very tireing,and in 45 min i have to leave bcuz i have therapy then and im always sooo nervous for it :S And in the end its no biggie at all but still.Well when im done there im going to bed to get some sleep bcuz I also slept terrible last night and then i think I will be back tonight or something

Theres just something really strange,everytime it logs me out of the site and when i try to log on it gives an error about some skin or something but when i go to the last pages i can get into the forum while Im logged on :S Really weird but oh well i can still come here and thats what counts.

Well im gonna get changed for therapy and post here some.

 

~Luthien~

[hangon 3]

I hope it all went well for you today at therapy

[Lady Luthien 0]

This afternoon and evening have been one big depressia for me.

It started with a call i got about me having to do this psychological exam and how much time it would take.

I freaked,i was soo scared didnt know what to do and i had noone to talk to about it,noone who could tell me it was all gonna be okay,so on top of that i felt lonely too and off course as usual cut myself :S

After that I did something very stupid.I emailed my 2 best friends in the whole wide world and said to em how loney i was and how there was noone here for me and basically blamed them for not being online.

I really regretted it afterwards bcuz i cant tell them how to live their lives so i apologised via email.

One of em was online 2 hrs ago but only for 5 min and went offline again.

My guess they blocked me and so they should,they just dont wanna talk to me anymore and this time i really deserved it.

I lost the one big important friendship i had in my life in just one day and i dont think i could feel any mroe worthless than now.

Me and my big mouth i shud have kept it all to myself.

I wish i was never even here bcuz then i wouldnt have screwed up pples lives so much.

Im doing somewhat better now but still the pain remains...

[Odo 0]

Thats A no way

my little princess

NO CUT NO WAY

MAY Be Half Way Around The World

You Promised you let me down

[Odo 0]

PM ME NOW THE HELL TO EVER YOU ARE TALKING TO

Mods Forgive me

sis you talk to me

[Lady Luthien 0]

I dont know what to say Tokar.I can say Im sorry i did it but i dont feel sorry for it bcuz it made me feel a bit better,i understand ur angry now at me ,u shud and well i just dont know what to say...

[Odo 0]

You Little ELF give ME 30 miniutes ok got to get agatha food

[Lady Luthien 0]

You  Little ELF  give ME 30 miniutes  ok got to get agatha food

its okay ,im going to bed soon anyways bcuz all that crying is exhausting and i need to get sleep bcuz i have to work tomorrow.

Im sorry..

[hangon 3]

PM ME NOW THE HELL TO EVER YOU ARE TALKING TO

Mods Forgive me

sis you talk to me

She is talking to me so dont be mad at her Tokar thats not good my friend .

[Lady Luthien 0]

no its allright.Noone shud be angry only at me bcuz i did deserve it.

Anyways dont worry Tokar and Hangon im gonna be fine and thanks for all of ur concern,im sure that by tomorrow things will be a little okay again.