Madame Butterfly's Personal Log

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Been working like mad today on a new creative venture and it's been driving me nuts.

 

Just one part, the one part to finish it off, and the manufacturer has changed the product and I spent the greater part of my day finding ones that work, and of course being snippy.

 

I've also been very honest with someone who means the world to me, and now they are upset.

 

:P

 

I really believe in honesty, but now they won't talk to me.

 

I'm hoping their frame of mind gets better so we can talk.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Well the person I made my "project" for has called and is very enthusiastic over what I turned over earlier tonight.

 

:P

 

A bit of a relief, as I am a perfectionist and everything I do just has to be "just so"

 

I think I'm finally learning nothing is perfect, but still. :P

[KIMIMELA 1]

:P :P :o :P

[Madame Butterfly 0]

The most perfect and lazy Saturday I've had in ages.

 

Calm and quiet, except for the dancing with the room mates in the middle of the afternoon. :P

 

Getting ready to go to a football/soccer match and maybe even dinner out.

 

Sounds like a boring day, but it was really bliss.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Not been a good past two days.

 

Lots of stress and aggravation caused by someone who refuses to believe I am better off with out them. :P

 

But I think the harder realization for me is that so many people that I've supported through tough times have absolutely no clue that I need their support right now.

 

Just the little things would matter, and even that seems hard.

 

Vampires.

 

I know I'm getting really personal, but I'm so tired of giving to people and not getting the same back.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Well everyday since Sunday seems to be filled with some sort of relationship stress of one kind or another.

 

It's not helping that such types of situations makes me get and upset stomach and am not able to eat.

 

My friend called up today and we've decided to escape from the world and go away and possibly never return.

 

Preferrably where there are white sand beaches, 80 degree temps and lots and lots of drinks with umbrellas in them!!

 

As far as our business venture, we have someone who wants to be a silent partner in the bus.

 

I'm more for trying to get some grants to make up the money we need than let a man I don't know be apart of it all.

 

Lot's of thinking needs to be done on this. :P

[Lursa 0]

I feel that sometimes as well. You should read my persona log it is full of the pain and stress of life too. There are even some times that I wish that i was never even born. As for relationships i am single and it really hard to find someone that cares about you these days. I give alot as well, but sometimes a good person does not always get something in return. That award comes in heaven and hard work. But like i said about relationships, it does take time and that right person does come along. But if i were if you are going to leave forever make sure that you make closure to all of your problems before they come back to haunt you. Trust me, I know too well..........

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Thanks Lursa.

 

I agree about completing issues, you can't run away from them.

 

There is one relationship in my life that I believe is it, the love of my life. We are taking things as they come, and I know he feels the same way as me. And so I do feel truly blessed in that area. However, the difficult thing is now we are coming across some very serious issues that must be addressed if we are to go forward.

 

I feel strongly that I can do this with him, he however, seems to have withdrawn from me for a time, and it is just killing me inside. If this is what I am to expect if we do move forward, it will never work for me. If I lose him, I will be an empty shell of myself.

 

However, I have to set a standard for myself. If I just wait around for him, I'll be like a doormat. I can't be that.

 

It's a difficult decision that isn't helping my gut.

 

But there are some other relationships that refuse to go away. And sometimes a small change of scenery for a time allows you too see the old issues freshly and can handle them more effectively.

 

I do believe people can find a slice of heaven here on earth, it's just sometimes the hellish parts take over for a time!! :P

[Madame Butterfly 0]

BTW-Leave forever?

 

Are you speaking of suicide?

 

Not my style.

 

Although death would be better than living life as a shell of a former self.

[Lursa 0]

I understand how you feel. That is what is great about reationships finding the unknown answers. But from what you typed it is hard indeed. Like i was learning in my Socialolgy class sometimes men don't like to talk about them problems until they have found the soultion in themselves. Women on other we like to be vocal about our problems. Men on the other hand, some men like to got into a cave and then you tell them when they are ready to talk and they will. After learning that it is kinda making understand more about the oppsite sex better you can't expect the men and women to have the same mind set.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Well it's proven our brains are different.

 

We don't work the same ways.

 

 

 

Today is a better day.

 

It didn't start out that way, but it's gotten better as it's progressed.

 

The tons of sunshine and nice weather temps helped too!!

 

 

I'm determined today and from now on always.

 

I'm determined that what I know in my heart is right.

 

I am determined that every choice I make for my life from this point on is what I want, not what makes someone else happy.

 

I'm not going to let other people's thoughtlessness get me down.

 

I'm never going to let anyone determine my happiness.

 

It's all up to me.

[A l t e r E g o 9]

Sounds like a good plan MB! :P

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Thanks!! :P

 

I think so too!!

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Ok day today.

 

Worked today and had an interesting lunch with someone who I find hilarious and tenacious at work and in life in general.

 

The kind of person who doesn't waste a minute of their life.

 

Got some interesting info on my bosses though. :angry:

 

 

 

It's snowing, again. I'm ready for some warmer days, but hey it's March, you get what you can.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Feeling very reflective today.

 

Taking in all that has happened lately, and making head or tails out of it.

 

It's a beautiful spring day.

 

The cardinals are singing like crazy and it's just beautiful.

 

I miss the birds the most during the winter.

 

Their songs are very peaceful to me.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

It's snowing right now. Those huge big flakes that make me feel like I'm inside a snow globe. I love that!! :P

 

Today is the first day of spring break.

 

I think I'll be concentrating on doing somethings about the house. I've been wanting to repaint the kitchen for a time now, and so I'm going to make sure I get that going and completed while vacation is going.

 

I'm also wanting to go into the city and hit some museum's. Lot's of good exhibits coming up this year so I think I'll renew some memberships so I can get my "free" tickets for them. :P

 

The weather is supposed to be good and warm during the upcoming week, so I'm thinking about getting my bike down and preparing it for some good long bike rides.

 

Bike riding always helps prepare my legs for bathing suit season. :) :P

 

I took my "determination" in hand yesterday and made some decisions about my private life.

 

It was very hard to do, but I stood up for myself in a way that may end my relationship.

 

I've been feeling slightly taken for granted in this relationship. It's long distance, so being able to find time to make it work is, in my mind, essential. We've been together for 18 months, and it's only these odd things, here and there, in the past two months that have really made me come to this decision.

 

We had a good conversation about it last night. And I was bending my time, again, so that this could happen. He doesn't see it, doesn't agree that he feels that our needs to be together are changing, but he was supportive of me. .

 

But what it boils down to for me is my feelings. I'm the only one who can manage how I feel, so I must make changes to NOT feel that way.

 

It's better to do what's right for me, than obsess over this or even argue over it. Because what guy wants to be with a whiner and someone they argue with? Besides, I'm already feeling like he doesn't want to be with me anyway. :lol: So I'll just pursue my interests and immerse myself in that.

 

I just don't know of any other way to handle this.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Glorious day today.

 

Warm, and the sun is shining and though I've not been off work that long, I spent as much time as possible out of doors.

 

Had to take my kitten to the emergency room today. Everything turned out alright, it appeared that a rear leg may have been broken.

[MrPsychic 1]

Aww! Poor kitten!! I hope he's ok... and so are you

[Madame Butterfly 0]

The kitten's okay. :lol:

 

Stretched out on my lap as I type this. :P

 

I'm okay too, thanks.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Another beautiful day.

 

The cardinals are singing like mad, and it's warm enough to wear capri's but not quite shorts. :)

 

Had a nice Easter yesterday. Went to the movies and just pigged out on popcorn with M & M's sprinkled through them. Sooooooooooooo good!!! :)

 

No work until next Sunday and even that is "on call", so I may have 7 straight days off from work. Don't get me wrong, I really love what I do, the days go by fast and I am constantly learning something new. It's just that spring has arrived, and I want to play!!!

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Had a relatively good day today.

 

Had a friend pop in today, who just ended their engagement, and really had a good heart to heart talk with one another. I think he's realizing this was for the best, but it's always hard to take.

 

I got a whole huge bag of bubblegum flavored jelly bellies for Easter, I've nearly eaten them all. :(

[Madame Butterfly 0]

A bit bleary eyed, as I just woke up not long ago.

 

Very glad to hear the good news in Hangon's log about Deb and the baby. :(

 

Stayed up talking very late last night with my friend who popped in yesterday. It's nice to be able to talk to someone without judgment or worrying about upsetting them. We were able to talk about so much and we were both brutally honest about some things! :( Still, a relief that everything said was understood and taken well.

 

Another gorgeous day out there.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

:ooh4: :giljotiini: This sums up my day up to now very well.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

After what started out as an extremely stressful day, it's turned out to be very blissful.

 

I'll just say, if you live in a large city area, don't try driving someplace while springbreak is in full swing. :)

 

As for my FORMER private dilema, I'm extremely happy to say it is no longer, :) :P

 

He's been extremely loving and kind, and gone out of his way to help me work though this situation of mine.

 

I simply cannot imagine my life without my Beloved. He's there for me when I need him, even when I thought he didn't want to be anymore. :P :P I hate it when I'm a silly girl. :)

 

He completes me in ways I have only dreamed possible.

[MrPsychic 1]

Congrads on finding your other half Madame. :)

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Thank you Justin.

 

I've known it since I met him. :) I feel like I've known him since before time.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Another beautiful spring day!! :)

 

Kind of a physically active day. I went running this morning, and finished a yoga class not too long ago.

 

Still very up and content.

 

I don't know where I'm going but I do know my destination. :)

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Another gorgeous day today. Blissful spring like weather. :)

 

Nothing extroardinary to report.

 

Just enjoying the sun and warmth, riding my bike, went running, and my crocus' are blooming outside!!! :P :) :)

 

If this keeps up the daffodils will bloom soon. They are one of my favorite spring time flowers!

 

Tomorrow's the last day of fun, so I hope that things work out as I have planned.

[Madame Butterfly 0]

Well the Pope's health keeps growing worse. :P

 

I was raised quasi-Catholic [long story] and attended their schooling for many years. I was one of those seemingly sweet Catholic girls who was full of the devil!! :P

 

I've just returned from the local Catholic Parish, I'd gone in to light a candle for him, and the church was full of people offering their prayers for him to cross over peacefully to home.

 

I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore, but I do find in times of sadness that the church does have such soothing practices. The smell of the incense and the soft mutterings of the members as the knelt and used their rosaries. I went to a funeral last year where the choir sang the Hail Mary, it's such a beautiful thing. It's a shame it's used as a punishment.

 

Click For Spoiler

Hail Mary,

Full of Grace,

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women,

and blessed is the fruit

of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary,

Mother of God,

pray for us sinners now,

and at the hour of death.

Amen.

 

 

I will miss John Paul. He has been the Pope for the majority of my life. While there are some issues I will never agree on with the Church, I will always remember him for his spirit, his vitalness, for his determination, and for the example he so believed in that he gave his life over to it.

 

There are many who don't like the Catholic church. But in this day and age, I dare anyone of Western religion to find a man who is the leader of a large faith who is so strong, and straight and honorable. I don't know John Paul, but I do believe he is all those things.

 

If he goes home today, I will be able to hear all the church bells ring in town, as I am in the center of three Parishes. For someone who has moved onto different things religiously, it may seem odd, but I know I will shed tears for this man.

 

 

 

Today is the last day of vacation. :lol:

 

No more late night chats, as getting up early begins again tomorrow. :P I am not a morning person, rather I am a night owl.

 

Besides going to church today I've spent the morning getting things done around the house. Doing my laundry, cleaning, and running with my dog.

 

Nearly time to go out and have some fun now.

[HRH The KING 0]

Royal greetings for Madame Butterfly

 

:P :P