Angelic's Journal

[Angela 1]

When everyone hears of internet romantic entanglements, they think of the million and one things that can go abruptly wrong.

 

None of these were the case for me. I met my beloved through the internet, but not through the quasi-traditional methodology of chat rooms or the internet personals sites that have sprung up of late, but more along the lines of joining a creative writing game. A way to whittle the hours of boredom down.

 

Of course that was the reason I say to most, but there is no way to deny that, it wasn’t the real reason. The real reason is a fair bit different. For one, it certainly wasn’t as innocent as whiling away sometime.

 

You see my friend had thrown me a link to the site she ran to get me to join and I read a few posts and then I read a few more by a character called Ryan. I read those posts and was struck. Here was a man that actually appeared really sweet. I joined immediately.

 

A few days later I begun annoying my friend by asking questions about the dashing Ryan, and I mean really bugging her, asking her what he was like and all sorts of inane junk. Then a few days later she introduced me to him in an open IM link.

 

He came across as this lively, funny guy, and my attraction grew even further. In another link with my friend I asked whether he was single (I don’t make moves with married men), she laughed, she had no idea, she had never enquired, she was and is after all happily married.

 

Me and this dashing man swapped email addresses and vowed to IM each other the following day. A few days after that he passed me his personal e-mail address and I decided that I required one too. We continued to talk and then he said something that really saddened me. He didn’t want me as anything other than a friend. There was too much distance involved.

 

I could understand it, but it still disappointed me. I continued to hold a candle for him, but didn’t hold out any hope. I was more honest with him than I was with anyone else. Perhaps honesty really is the best policy. Just over a week later he told me he was falling for me, and no words can describe that feeling.

 

We began planning what we would do together. I would show him MY London, show him MY world. Then he booked a while off of work and was coming to see me! We did just about everything I had on my list, there are still things to do, sights to see, always something to come back down to me for.

 

He went home. I quit my job, and felt happier than I had in a long while, and settled, no longer looking at guys, sizing them up as though they were nothing more than so much meat. Now I had one of my own, and mine was better than the abusive jerks I saw around me and my family.

 

I went up to him a month to the day he had left London for Oldham, his hometown; I met his family and his dog and loved every last moment of it. Unfortunately I left on the 14th and to be honest I wish I was still with him. Heck since falling asleep next to him on his bed watching Galaxy Quest the first night I was there, I have hated sleeping alone. I miss him, his scent and the way he looks asleep.

 

So I have completed almost two weeks without him, and there have been days when I have wondered why he loves me. I am not the most secure of people, PMS has me in tears. I suffer from depression and I can be slightly neurotic, but he takes it all in his stride, so patient he is

 

I can’t explain how I knew by reading something he had written that I had to know him. I can’t explain how I fell over telephone and fibre optic cables, but I can say it helps to keep us together. We seem to have better vocal communication than most couples in their first months do. We aren’t trying to present only our good sides to each other either, and meeting only cemented things for us.

 

Internet hook ups can be dangerous, I got very lucky, I followed all the rules of dating safely. Meet in a public place, let people know where you are; take someone with yourself if possible to meet them the first time. I did it right. I am glad all the safety stuff was for nowt, but he could have been a bogey monster! But he wasn’t. Every day I am with him, even 200 miles distant, I thank God. In my Steve I got surely and Angel in disguise.

 

 

(I do not want my old journal deleted. This is just a restart. I have yet to save my entries from my old journal)

[RikerChick 5]

(I do not want my old journal deleted. This is just a restart. I have yet to save my entries from my old journal)

I only delete the old journal now if that's what the person's asked for. If you want to start a new one I just close the old one. :blink:

[Angela 1]

The old one is closed. It was closed without any time between me saying it was the last time I was writing in it and changing my mind 30 mins later.. Life can be strangely punctual when it wishes.

[RikerChick 5]

I was simply letting you know it wouldn't be deleted unless that's what you wanted.

[Angela 1]

I know, sorry if it came out any differently than me jjust saying you didn't have to bother looking for it as it was already closed.

[Angela 1]

I am done with being friends with anyone, all I know is that anything i say to anyone seems to get recorded, so now people think I am a ho on the say so of one person who managed to put the IM's and so on in a public place. I can no ;onger kid around with friends I thought I had made, because apparently they do the same. Nice charming tread on my feelings!

[Angela 1]

okay ignore above rant.

 

I am in serious pain with a grumbling apendicitis which isn't the full blown version of it

 

So I hurt, I am nauseas and I am hot. not to mention other stuff. I feel like I got kicked by a high heel wearing horse.

 

Yes now is the time for the freakyest images ever!

[Angela 1]

Apparently, according to my doc, some stresses from my familial life has given me an irritable and painful bowl.

 

Darn my uncle!

[Lady Luthien 0]

Im sorry to hear that :(

[Angela 1]

Well I guess everyone hates me.

 

I had to print a transcript about something a member did to me at another board,I was angry, hurt, demeaned nd saw that the person who did these things would never get punished, I have done lesser things in the past and received a heavier punishment.

 

Well I printed the transcript, I hadn't realised someones location was put out until they made it aware. I guess at 5am I was too tired to see straight, but, that isn't important. It was a mistake to do so. I can but apologise. I know I will never be allowed to that board again. I understand that.

 

I had made several warnings that it was going to get out of hand, especially as I had a personally upsetting reason why I would.want to leave the subject alone. I lost an uncle before he was three because he was blown up with the front rom of the house! And I explained it. But the member kept going, made the sacrifices of my family irrelevant, my grand mother had 14 brothers byt the end of the war she had 2. I was brought up knowing the price of war, as was she.

 

I tried to stop him, I really did, he wouldn't two of us tried to stop him he wouldn't.

 

I felt I had no option tthan to print the transcript, I had felt so betrayed by this member, he was supposed to be my friend???? Some friend to do that to another.

 

I officially resigned, they talked me out, and now because I published it, as i saw no punishment cause he was an Admin, I am banned. They have made me feel like a worthless piece of *poopie*, I guess I probably am.

[Jeanway 0]

No Angel, your not worthless poopie, none of us are. Hey, try to just put it all behind you and forget about it. Get involved somewhere else. I had a brief encounter at that hhmmm, your talking about a while back and steered clear of it ever since. In a place where the word HHMMMM, is in the title you'd think you could speak your mind freely HMMM???? :( Love Ya

[Angela 1]

Awww thank you :( I can't stop crying, stupid huh, I make people angry and haye me an I can't stop cying!

[Lady Luthien 0]

I could never hate you sis! That person is not worth ur sadness,its really low that that person did that and he will get his punishment sooner or later for it.

Big :o

Please feel better soon and to me you mean something please remember that!

[fenriz275 0]

It sounds like you were trying to do the right thing Angel, you should never feel bad about that. Unfortunately the world we live in means that sometimes good people get punished when they try to do the right thing. I hope you feel better soon.

[Jik'el Koshie 0]

Aww Angel...Read your last Journal! Sorry to hear about it. It was a bit uncalled for and a bit confusing...I mean, if you wanted to resign and they talked you out of it. Now you printed the transcript and you got banned....

 

If you ask me, thats a bit confusing...

 

But anyways, sorry to hear! Im still on your side Angel!

[Angela 1]

I am still feeling like junk. I have just had the worst night of sleep, and I know that they are continually bashing me and my friends and my boyfriend! Asshats.

 

I feel wrecked and like I should kill myself because they hate me.

[TrekkieMage 0]

I'm still not sure exactly what happened, but here's what I do know:

 

Things will, believe it or not, work out. Just try and relax, get a couple of these and try doing things you enjoy or find relaxing. Avoing the things that are stressing you out as much as possible, I know sometimes you can't. If you need to have a good cry and punch the crap out of a pillow . And things will get better :o

[Angela 1]

I would get as many hugs as possible, but my boyfriend who I really want is 200 miles away.

[TrekkieMage 0]

 

When will he be back?

 

Is there anyone else who could give you a hug? Relative? Pet? Friend?

[Jeanway 0]

Angel? At this risk of sounding stupider than I uasually do, what's an AssHat?

[Angela 1]

 

When will he be back?

 

Is there anyone else who could give you a hug? Relative? Pet? Friend?

My boyfriend lives 200 miles away.

 

jeanway Asshat is Assh***

[TrekkieMage 0]

 

That stinks.

 

Maybe you can arange to meet up with him for a weekend. Somewhere relaxing between where you live, take a weekend and catch up or somthing.

[Angela 1]

I have no money. I usually stay with his parents with him, but there is nothing.

[Angela 1]

I'm feeling pursued.

 

I know I bent a few feelings at another site, but last night I drew a line under the whole thing, only did I find that others hadn't.

 

Now I feel pursued, everywhere I go, I get one or two of their members sitting around and reading every post I make. I feel harrassed and like I can't make any posts without their consultation. Well I hope you are listening loud and clear.

 

LEAVE ME THE HE.LL ALONE. i COULD DO WITH OUTH THIS GARBAGE. i HAVE A LIFE, YOU APPARENTLY DON'T, GO AWAY.

[TrekkieMage 0]

If they are reading it, they aren't saying anything. Just try and focus on you. Not them. If there are people harassing you they have no lives, and they don't deserve a reaction from you. Just try and calm down, it'll be fine

[Angela 1]

I have put the other site behind me, those that are my friends are, those that aren't, well I wish them as much luck and love as possible.

 

I was worried just now, I hadn't heard from my boyfriend all day, so I finally called him, I got no reply. I texted him and got a reply, he is having problems with his net supplier NTL. I am so relieved. I was imagining him having been beaten up and in hospital.

 

Other news is that a few weeks ago I put in a complaint about a train service today as a goodwill gesture I was sent tokens for travel on any service in Britain okay so it was only £10 but it is worth it when Steve comes down, I can pay for one of his trips by train to london. Saves me money and the consumer thinks she has won.

[Angela 1]

I have started a new website!!! It isn't quite finished but i actually feel reall proud of myself. With a little guidance I have something cool. At least i think it is. PM for a link, IM me even I will be glad to give it to you.

[Angela 1]

My site is doing very well even though it only has like 9 members. Its live its running and it seems to function well, and so far no spammers, but it is young yet!

 

I however feel dead, but that is possibly because my boyfriend is ill, he was sent home from work on wednesday and by the following day he had a full blown stomach virus. I hate this long distance part of the relationship, where all i can do is offer a voice on the end of a phone and not hugs and forehead kisses.

 

All my other problems are solved, the other site has given me no bother of late, I guess I could have been a bit paranoid, but then I haven't seen some of the members of that site here, so maybe not.

 

And one last thing is I hate having hayfever, I can't take antihistemines cause I am prozac and I want to be well before I get off of that. So if I want to be alive I can't mix prozac and antihistemines, because I read somewhere that the two can interact and cause anaphylaxia, and I have been through that and lets say, apart from a spiritual awakening, it weren't all that fun.

 

One final point is yesterday as in the 8th was my 3 month aniversary with Steve, I love him more each day, I can't believe how wonderful love is. It is the arms of God reaching down to place two people in each others embrace.

[Angela 1]

Well Steve is better and I have been phonig him and texting him a lot.

 

I however have had really bad headaches which have rendered me to bed rest and have sleept more than enough. I now have just a simple pressure headach. I woke up at 1.45am last night after an 8 hour sleep, haven't slept yet, I am trying not tio unli around nine pm. I want to actually IM with my boyfriend for the first time in 4 days. I miss him and his humour.

 

I can't wait to go up to Oldham in August, I get to run my hads over his face look into his blue eyes see him smile have his hands around my waist and him kissing me. I have missed these things so much. the woait however is worth it. I love this man. I can see myself when I am a lot older, with gray streaked hair still kissing him as passionately as I do now (Probably much to our kids chagrin)

 

I just want to be near him smelling his scent feeling the warmth of his hands and the intensity of his gaze. I miss him soo much.

[Angela 1]

Looks like i may not be going to see steve for a long while, he might be losing his job tomorrow. He took a couple days off cause he was puking his guts up and now they may be firing him for it.

 

I hate them

I mightn't see him for MONTHS

 

I miss him. Oh god I am panicking.