Jim Phaserman

I've wanted to try that...Is it as good as the hype?

So, do you Sew?

Do you do the dew?

I feel the need to kneed...

I haven't tried any of the good stuff. Jim and Jack are usually what I stick to when I'm not downing Jose or Patrone.

It's now or never for me, Validus. I didn't play in College, since I was doing distance learning.

By the way, I did some basic tests, ran the 40 yard dash in 4.47, benched the 225 16 times, and pulled 36 on the vertical. Practices, from my understanding, are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 5, starting in may. the season is 10 weeks. I am seriously considering trying out.

Oh, and I talked to my 'Boss', the Defensive Coordinator, he said with those results, Corner or Free Safety would be good possitions.

A little update: I've gotten a few E-mails of teams interested in "Signing" me. I'm looking into these teams at the present time.

From www.sillypuns.com

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.

The job was only so-so anyhow.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing around in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. About an hour later the manager comes out of his office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked as they moved along. "Because," said the manager, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.

A King ordered the heads of several of his counts chopped off because they refused to reveal where they had buried their treasures. As the axes began to fall, one count decided to change his mind, but it was too late. Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken. !"

A hangover is the wrath of grapes*

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy

Being Overwieght is no wiegh to live.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A dyslexic atheist with insomnia lays awake wondering if there really IS a Dog

Gravity is a myth; Earth sucks.

*I know this to be true as a matter of experience.

And read my sig for my favorite....

One more late addition:

The Cleveland Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage - about 20 minutes - during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bass violinists are prone to do) one of them looked at his watch. Hey! We need to get back! No need to panic, said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled." A few moments later, they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion. Well, of course, said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."

I am thinking....oh, 3rd round, maybe 4th, backing up someone else.

Big...and Rich..."Comin' to your City"

Chorus:

WELL WE’RE COMIN’ TO YOUR CITY

GONNA PLAY OUR GUITARS AND SING YOU A COUNTRY SONG

WE’LL ALL BE FLYIN’ HIGHER THAN A JET AIRLINER

AND IF YA WANNA LITTLE BANG IN YOUR YING YANG

COME ALONG

 

WELL WE FLEW THRU CINCINNATI

AND WE ALL GOT REALLY HAPPY

GRABBED A BOWL OF THAT SKYLINE CHILI

ALONG THE WAY

THEN WE ROLLED ON INTO CANTON

SCARED THE HELL OUT OF MARILYN MANSON

AND THE PARTY STARTED HAPPENIN’ … HEY HEY

 

AND IN THE MIDDLE OF A CHARLESTON NITE

WE RAN INTO JESSCO WHITE

AND A LITTLE MOONSHINE GOT US RIGHT

PLUMB SMACK INSANE

 

Chorus:

WELL WE’RE COMIN’ TO YOUR CITY

GONNA PLAY OUR GUITARS AND SING YOU A COUNTRY SONG

WE’LL ALL BE FLYIN’ HIGHER THAN A JET AIRLINER

AND IF YA WANNA LITTLE BANG IN YOUR YING YANG

COME ALONG

 

WELL WE BROKE DOWN IN GREENVILLE

IN THE MIDDLE OF A HAYFIELD

BUT A BUD LITE TRUCK PULLED UP

AND HELPED US OUT

SO WE DEAD HEADED UP TO PHILLY

PARTIED DOWN LIKE REAL HILLBILLIES

BROUGHT THE MUSIC MAFIA AND ROCKED IT OUT

OH CHIPPEWA IS WHERE WE GO

WHEN WE’RE UP IN BUFFALO

DON’T YA KNOW THOSE YANKEES

DRINK ENOUGH TO DROWN

 

Chorus:

WELL WE’RE COMIN’ TO YOUR CITY

GONNA PLAY OUR GUITARS AND SING YOU A COUNTRY SONG

WE’LL ALL BE FLYIN’ HIGHER THAN A JET AIRLINER

AND IF YA WANNA LITTLE BANG IN YOUR YING YANG

COME ALONG

COME ALONG

 

SOLO

 

LISTEN UP

NOW LA’S GOT THE FREAKS AT PINKS

AND THE FIFTEEN DOLLAR DRINKS

AND SAN ANTONIO IS A WILD WILD RODEO

AND IN PHOENIX ARIZONA

WE DRANK WAY TOO MUCH CORONA

AND WE WOKE UP BY THE RIVER IN JEFF CITY MO

 

Chorus:

WELL WE’RE COMIN’ TO YOUR CITY

GONNA PLAY OUR GUITARS AND SING YOU A COUNTRY SONG

WE’LL ALL BE FLYIN’ HIGHER THAN A JET AIRLINER

AND IF YA WANNA LITTLE BANG IN YOUR YING YANG

 

WELL WE’RE COMIN’ TO YOUR CITY

GONNA PLAY OUR GUITARS AND SING YOU A COUNTRY SONG

WE’LL ALL BE FLYIN’ HIGHER THAN A JET AIRLINER

AND IF YA WANNA LITTLE BANG IN YOUR YING YANG

 

IF YA WANNA LITTLE ZING IN YOUR ZANG ZANG

IF YA WANNA LITTLE CHING IN YOUR CHANG CHANG

 

COME ALONG

COME ALONG

COME ALONG

 

YEAH WE’RE COMIN’ TO YOUR CITY

While it was a very exciting game with two high powered offenses, I enjoyed watching Ohio State and Penn State win their Bowl games much more, because there was a lot more DEFENSE. As much as I enjoy offense, football imo should also feature a tough defense when you are talking about a National Champion. Both teams deserve credit for their impressive records, but give me a hard nosed consistent defense and I am much happier. I also have to admit, as a Big Ten and longtime Rose Bowl fan, it just seems wrong not to have a Big Ten team playing in the Rose Bowl, but that's not the case with the BCS. I wish they would make a real playoff system for the top Division in college football. They already do them in other divisions.

You're from CHICAGO, Trekz, OF COURSE you like Defense! That's what Chicago Football is all about, to the virtual exclusion of Offense...Oh, wait, Grossman's back, n/m...

It was an interesting game, but I thought I'd see alittle more explosiveness out of Reggie Bush. He looked...ordinary.

Got a new one for you guys. Here she is...

Good question. Krissy has one that says "You think it's easy being this big a *Female Dog*?

I have a huge cup, probably 20-24 Oz, that says "Who you callin' Tiny?"

Thank you, everyone for your input. I suppose the biggest question I need to know is would I have to quit coaching. If I could coach and play at the same time, I would jump at the chance. I did talk to the Head Coach today, and he said he wouldn't object if I had the opportunity to play, and I went. I'll be contacting the local Semi-Pro team and asking basic questions about practice schedules and games.

Also, I'm going to be doing some wieght training testing this week with our team's Defensive Coordinator, who also runs the Strength and Conditioning program for the players. We'll see how that goes.

Does anyone know how to make those animated flags? Is there a special program you need? For my sim's website, I wanted to post waving pictures of the UFP, Klingon, Romulan, Cardassian, and Valderan flags at half staff, since recently we had a rather brutal battle, and all were allied participants.

website for my sim:

usseros.com

Okay, I talked to Gary tonight, and he says he's going to get back into playing Semi-Pro football. Now, he posed a question to me. He asked if I wished to go with him. The difficult part is, Will it be easy to transition from being a Coach to a Player? I've spent two years as a coach, and haven't even PLAYED for an organised team since I was 17. Would you do it if you were me? It might mean I'd have to give up coaching to do it, and it would be something I would need to consider very carefully before doing.

I heard to help get his mind off being Fired, he is gonan take a cruise ship to Detriot and Scalp some superbowl tickets for money

Oh wow...That's okay, though, Sherm got the ax, too up in Green Bay. I saw that one coming, too.

Whether I'm old or not, it appears going by this thread that I am the only one on this site who knows how to properly party!.........and pay for it dearly the next day..........

Hey, We "Old Men" (Thanks, Gary, I still owe you an *buttocks*-whoopin') Know how to party. My celebration including the following:

Pizza, furnished by the aforementioned Gary.

Beer: Miller Light and MGD (I had 3 Longnecks of Miller Light and 2 Cans of MGD), plus Smirnoff Ice (I had 1) and Smirnoff Twisted (Also 1)

Hard Stuff: Patrone (Had 1 shot), Some other kind of Silver Tequila (8 shots!) and Bacardi (I had none), Korbel Champaign (Everyone had a glass at Midnight)

We tried keeping Krissy away from the Tequila, but it didn't work. If you remember my post in the "I'd like to dedicate this song to..." thread just after the World Series, you can guess the outcome there. Everyone was hung over on Sunday, even my 17 year old brother, Tom. Among the people at my house that night that stayed up were Gary, Krissy, Julie, Darryl (The Sarge), Amy, Tom, Dad, My sister Maddie and her boyfriend Rob, and their friend Michelle. Noone left the house, though. It was a party, definately.

And after back reading, I think I am gonna pay for this one, but guess who Julie kissed at Midnight? Not me. KRISSY!

8 Coaches fired, including Mooch and Norv Turner. Wow.

From ESPN.com:

Tice out: Vikings fire head coach after 9-7 campaignESPN.com news services

 

 

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Minnesota Vikings became an embarrassment on Mike Tice's watch, with a ticket scalping scandal, the infamous lake cruise and a Whizzinator somewhere in between.

 

 

There weren't enough wins to cover up the ugliness, and now Tice is out of a job.

 

 

Owner Zygi Wilf fired Tice after Sunday's victory over Chicago capped a disappointing 9-7 season in which the Vikings, a trendy preseason pick to go to the Super Bowl, missed the playoffs.

 

 

The news wasn't a surprise, but the timing and manner in which it was delivered stunned the few players remaining in the stadium Sunday.

 

Several players and sources close to Tice told ESPN.com's Len Pasquarelli that the dismissal came well after the coach had addressed his players and the media. Tice went to his small office near the home locker room at the Metrodome, where he was joined by Wilf and Wilf's brother Mark, a minority stockholder in the club, who apprised him of their decision not to renew his contract.

 

The dismissal also came after Tice had spent much of last week trying to have Wilf discuss his job status.

 

That Tice could not directly inform most of his players, many of whom had departed the locker room by the time the firing was announced, disappointed him.

 

 

A team executive issued a two-paragraph press release to reporters in the Vikings' locker room after most players had gone home.

 

 

Pro Bowl kick returner Koren Robinson had to compose himself before commenting, managing a "Whoa, that's crazy," while he read the statement at his locker.

 

 

"In the locker room? Right after a game you just won?" Robinson said. "Give the man respect enough to wait until Monday to enjoy the win at least."

 

 

Pro Bowl safety Darren Sharper crumpled up the release and threw it on the floor before declining comment and running back Mewelde Moore also tersely declined comment.

 

 

 

Tice, who compiled a 33-34 overall record -- including a 1-1 mark in the postseason -- had already addressed the media before the move was made public. Reporters waited for him long after the game was over, and the coach wore a good-natured smile and showed no bitterness about the way the situation was handled.

 

 

"It's a shame I'm not going to be able to work with the Wilfs," Tice said with moist eyes. "I think they're going to be top notch owners. ... I'm very proud with a lot of the things we've accomplished with the things we've been given to work with."

 

 

Tice was one of three NFL coaches to go following Sunday's games; Richard Vermeil announced his retirement in Kansas City, and a person close to the organization told The Associated Press that the Houston Texans planned to fire Dom Capers.

 

 

Tice's tenure was mostly marked by streaks and scandals.

 

 

A $100,000 fine was levied last summer against him by the league for scalping his Super Bowl tickets and running back Onterrio Smith was caught at the airport with a device designed to beat drug tests dubbed the "Original Whizzinator." But perhaps the biggest blow came with revelations of a wild boat party during the team's bye week this season that produced misdemeanor charges against four players.

 

 

Tice's Vikings were inconsistent on the field, prone to long winning streaks and big collapses. Minnesota started 6-0 in 2003 and 5-1 in 2004 before going 3-7 over the final 10 games of both seasons. After starting 2-5 this year, the Vikings won six straight, then lost two in a row to fall out of contention for the playoffs.

 

 

"After significant evaluation, we feel that now is the time to make a coaching change," Wilf said in the statement.

 

 

Wilf had said previously that Tice's job status would be discussed at the team's headquarters on Monday, but shortly before 7 p.m. central time, the release was issued. The owner was gone by then and he scheduled a press conference for Monday afternoon.

 

 

"It's the owner's decision," said quarterback Brad Johnson, as he left the stadium with his family. "It's a tough business, and I appreciate Mike and the way he treated me and the way he treated the team. I wish him greatness."

 

 

Tice has lauded the Wilf family for the support they've shown since purchasing the franchise from Red McCombs last summer. He also spoke glowingly of his 13 years in Minnesota, which began as a tight end in 1992 and progressed from tight ends coach to offensive line coach to a somewhat surprising promotion to head coach after Dennis Green was fired in January 2002.

 

 

"I don't know who was more shaken by it, him or me," Tice said of an emotional meeting with Wilf that happened after he spoke to the media about Sunday's 34-10 victory over the Bears.

 

 

"Of course I'm hurt. I'm a man, not a machine," Tice said. "I put a lot of time into this organization, and had a lot of good times, and some bad times."

 

 

His lone regret was that he had to call his wife, who was being asked about the rumors in the Metrodome parking lot, to inform her of the news.

 

 

"I would've liked to savor the victory," Tice said.

 

 

He exited the Dome with a smile on his face and his head held high, not knowing what the future holds. He has a son who will be a senior in high school next year and he said he will make a decision with that in mind first.

 

 

Asked if he will coach again, Tice paused before saying, "Yeah, if the right job comes up."

 

 

His immediate plans were a little clearer.

 

 

"Go home and let my wife cry on my shoulder, I guess."

 

 

"Fishin in the Dark", Garth Brooks' version from "The Lost Sessions" of his "The Limited" pack.

An MGD and a shot of Patrone. Remember, Drink Responsibly, folks. If you drink, assign a Designated Driver or hide the keys.

Happy new year, everyone. I know it's only 2037 hrs here, but the festivities are well underway at the Phaserhouse.

Remember, folks: If you drink don't drive, that's an order from the officer of the watch! (If you drink, don't drive, do the watermelon crawl). Happy New years, and for me, it's back to the beer!

I'd like to send this one out to my darling wife, Julie.

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band (Ain't that an awesome band name?) "Fishin' in the Dark"

Lazy yeller moon coming up tonight

Shining through the trees

Crickets are singing

And the lightning bugs are floating on the breeze

Baby get ready

 

Cross the field where the creek turns back

By the old stun road

Im going to take you to a special place

That nobody knows

Baby get ready

 

Ooo ooo ooo

 

You and me going fishing in the dark

Lying on our backs and counting the stars

Where the cool grass grows

 

Down by river in the full moon light

We’ll be falling in love in the middle of the night

Just moving slow

 

Staying the whole night through

Feels so good to be with you

 

Spring is almost over and the summer comin

The days are getting long

Waited all winter for the time to be right

Just to take you along

Baby get ready

 

And it don’t matter if we sit forever

And the fish don’t bite

Jump in the river and cool ourselves

from the heat of the night

Baby get ready

 

Ooo ooo ooo

 

You and me going fishin in the dark

Lying on our backs and counting the stars

Where the cool grass grows

 

Down by the river in the full moon light

We’ll be falling in love in the middle of the night

Just moving slow

Staying the whole night through

Feels so good to be with you

And me going fishing in the dark

Lying on our backs and counting the stars

Where the cool grass grows

 

Down by the river in the full moon light

We’ll be falling in love in the middle of the night

Just moving slow

Just got back from Walmart, getting a present for my cousins. They are 9 and 7, and spend all their time inside, playing Video Games, so I bought them each a 1/6 scale RC car.

I remember on the Shiloh, an Officer pulled the best one I've seen on an Unrated SN who had just come aboard. He told him to polish the Transom Cowling. Julie told me a Favorite on the Enterprise was to go to the Bowling Alley and find a King Pin. that could keep a Sailor occupied for a while.

So what pranks have you played on your co-workers?

A few of my favorites....

"Hey, Shipmate, I need you to find me 1,000 feet of Gigline..."--A "Gigline" is the alignment of your shirt buttons with your belt buckle and the zipper flap on your trousers.

"Run over to Engineering and grab a cup of steam for me..."

From my dad...

"Head down to Engineering and ask for a gallon of BT Punch" A "BT" is a Boiler Technician

One I pulled while working for Domino's...

"Hey, someone find me the Dough Repair Kit"....non-existant. I actually sent someone to three stores looking for the DRK.

One I used while on a Submarine...

"Hey, go to the Torpedo room and see if they have any Flux Capacitors."