Star Trek Christmas Songs

[Capt_Picard 0]

Anyone got any... I think there is the 12 days of Enterprise Christmas out there.

[MANVERU 0]

I know one!

 

 

On the 12 days of Pon Farr my true love sent to me.

1 phaser blast!

and a big slap on the behind

 

On the 12 days of Pon Farr my true love sent to me.

1 phaser blast!

2 Tractor Beems

and a big slap on the behind

 

 

I'll post the rest when it comes back to me

[Indy 8]

Yeah, I wrote one last year. It was the Twelve Days of Trivia. I think it's posted around here someplace.

[Stephen of Borg 2]

here's a story I found.

 

Star Trek: Twas The Night Before Christmas

 

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship

Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;

The phaser were hung in the armory securely,

In hopes that no alien would get up that early.

 

The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks

(Except for the few who were partying drunks);

And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,

Had just settled down for a neat face to face......

 

When out in the hall there arose such a racket,

That we leapt from our beds, donning pants and jacket.

Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,

Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly, "Deck One!"

 

The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,

Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.

When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,

But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.

 

But the glint in his eye was so strange and askew

That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.

His sleigh grew much larger as closer he came.

Then he zaped on the bridge and addressed us by name:

 

"It's Riker, It's Data, It's Worf and Jean-Luc!"

"It's Geordi, and Wesley the genetic fluke!"

"To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!

Now float away! Float away! Float away all!"

 

As leaves in the autumn are whisked off the street,

So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,

And up to the ceiling, our bodies they flew,

As the captain called out, "What the hell is this, Q?!"

 

The prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,

And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again!

As we took in our plight, and were looking around,

The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.

 

Then Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,

Appeared once again, to continue the show.

"That's enough!" cried the captain, "You'll stop this at

once!"

And Riker said, "Worf, take aim at this dunce!"

 

"I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc", replied Q.

"I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with you!"

As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.

He dumped out the contents and took a step back.

 

"I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere.

There's something delightful for everyone here."

He sat on the floor, and dug into his pile,

And handed out gifts with his most charming smile.

 

"For Counselor Troi, there's no need to explain.

Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.

For Worf I've some mints, as his breath's not to great

And for Geordi LaForge, an infaltable date."

 

"For Wesley, some hormones, and Clearasil-plus;

For Data, a joke book, for Riker a truss.

For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,

For Jean-Luc, the thrill of seeing her that way."

 

And he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face,

And clapping his hands, disappeared into space.

But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!"

[Stephen of Borg 2]

I found a bunch of versions of 12 Days of Christmas and here they are

 

 

On the 12th day of Christmas, here's what imzadi gave to me:

 

12 Spots a-pouncing,

11 "Pup"s a-playing,

10 drones a-scouting,

9 Computers Crashing,

8 Wormholes closing,

7 Changelings morphing,

6 Ooby Doobies,

5 Barber Poles!

4 counterparts,

3 Garaks,

2 Bajoran PADDS,

and a Traveler and Emissary.

 

 

 

 

On the 12th day of Christmas, my imzadi made for me:

 

12 Scouts a-scouting,

11 Science Vessels,

10 Vorchas firing,

9 Warbirds cloaking,

8 Starships "going",

7 Husnock Ships,

6 D'deridexes,

5 Nebulas!

4 Shuttlecraft,

3 K'Vorts,

2 Runabouts,

And a U.S.S. Enterprise-D!

 

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my imzadi gave to me

 

Twelve Vulcans pinching,

Eleven Lals a-learning,

Ten Jugglers juggling,

Nine Lursas plotting,

Eight Mots a-moussing,

Seven Soong-type androids,

Six Guls a-lying,

F i v e T i m e p o d R i n g s . . .

 

Four cloaking 'birds,

Three French men,

Two Temp'ral Rifts,

And a Pardek in a Drought Tree!

[Stephen of Borg 2]

here's some more I found

 

Captain Kirk is Beaming to Town

(sung to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")

 

You want a good fight

To set the world right?

Are you an alien babe who's free for the night?

Captain Kirk is beaming to town.

With his officer Spock

And Montgomery Scott,

Dr. McCoy

(He's a doctor, not a toy!)

Captain Kirk is beaming to town.

He faced off the "real" Klingons

Who looked more like ourselves.

He beat them on the head real good

And sneered, "Are you Klingons or Christmas elves?"

Oh, you all better live

By the Prime Directive!

With his phasers on stun

He knows best for everyone.

Captain Kirk is beaming to town

Yes, Captain Kirk is beaming...to town!

 

 

Q Ride

(Sung to the tune of "Sleigh Ride.")

 

Just hear my fingers snapping

While a mortal yapping

Stands by.

It all goes so absurdly.

Hasn't he heard he

Will die?

Hey, do you know my IQ?

Well, I deny you'll

Arrive.

At just how astounding's

The number 2000

And five.

The Continuum is one big long and winding road.

With the wave of a hand I can turn all of Man into a horny toad.

I know when I pop into your bed

You don't want my advice.

But if you'd ever met R, S, or T

You'd know all we Q are nice!

With all those Trekkers I'm pleasing

When I show once a season

Or two.

The Neilson's would be in heaven

With a show just with Seven

And Q!

Listen up! Listen up! Listen up!

Jean-Luc.

Will Riker's a kook.

Listen up! Listen up! Listen up!

Kathryn.

Ditch young Harry Kim.

You're staking your ships

On those drips,

When you could both by my dear friends!

I don't see how your race is surviving

The suffering and dying

You do.

It's all just so much better

As my favorite letter:

The Q.

 

 

Voyager Voyager!

(sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells.")

 

Voyager! Voyager!

Warp through Alpha Quad!

Come on let's take a little ride

With our captain who's a...

Wait, I'd better start this one over.

[Ahem.]

Voyager! Voyager!

Warp through Alpha Quad!

Come on, let's take a little ride.

Tom Paris has one hot...

No, dangit. This isn't working out either.

[Okay. Here we go.]

Voyager! Voyager!

Warp through Alpha Quad!

Come on, let's take a little ride

Did Kes become a god?

Oh! Voyager! Voyager!

You just want to get home.

Yet temporal loops and nebula soups

Just won't leave you alone!

Dashing through the void!

And fighting off those Borg!

Means four more poor "red shirts"

Have joined the Collective Org. (ha ha ha)

What's that up there ahead?

A wormhole home you see?

Come on, you know we can't use that!

Or this show's just TNG.

Oh! Voyager! Voyager!

Might you make season eight?

I know your ratings aren't so high,

But Series V don't look so great!

 

 

Doctor, the Hologram

(Sung to the tune of "Frosty, the Snowman.")

 

Doctor, the Hologram,

Was just made for short-term work.

Though he'll cure your ills

With his shots and pills

His matrix was set to "jerk."

Yes, Doctor, the Hologram,

Started off in life dorky.

Yet he's been in love,

Lost a kid, shed some blood,

And sings opera songs off-key.

There was a time when Janeway

Would not look him in the eye.

But Kes stepped forth to plead his case

"He's a real-life Hologuy!"

Oh, Doctor, the Hologram,

Has a thing for Seven of Nine.

But with many like him

And our Harry Kim

He'll just have to stand in line!

Oh, Doctor, the Hologram,

Is a doctor, not a toy.

Nor a mannequin

Or even Anakin

Just like dear old Doc McCoy.

Thumpity-thump-thump

Thumpity-thump-thump

Look at him operate!

Thumpity-thump-thump

Thumpity-thump-thump

Corticals he'll stimulate!

 

 

Give Me Quark's for Christmas

(Sung to the tune of "I'll Be Home for Christmas.")

 

Give me Quark's for Christmas.

And book a holosuite.

A tidy sum

Of latinum

Pays all! Hey! Ain't that neat?

Give me Quark's for Christmas.

And not that lame Club Med.

A drink with Morn

And some holo-porn

Goes right to my large forehead.

Christmas Eve you'll find me

Hoping to shout "Dab...bo!"

Yes! We all go to Quark's for Christmas time,

Even the Ghost of Ben Sisko!

 

TNG Gave Us a Top Market Share

(Sung to the tune of "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas.")

 

TNG gave us a top market share.

It beat out "Wheel" and "Jeopardy."

In syndication

It swept the nation,

And grieved the brass at NBC.

TNG gave us a top market share.

Once seasons one and two were done.

With scripts like bright pearls

And "Best of Both Worlds,"

We knew the ratings war was won.

Yes, TNG gave us a top market share.

Though it's true that it's been seen no more.

Yes...Voyager's ratings are poor!

But what do you think reruns are for?

 

 

 

Data, The Fast-Fingered Android

(sing to the tune of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer")

 

Data, the Fast-Fingered Android,

Was sort of like Pinochio.

He longed to be a "real" boy,

Not a walking Nitendo.

All of the rest of Starfleet,

Treated him just like a slave.

Like he was some Hal computer,

They'd taunt him with, "Good morning, Dave."

Then upon the Enterprise

Jean-Luc came to say,

"Data, with your fingers fast,

Come work with us and save the day!"

Now all of the crews in Starfleet

Wish they had an android too!

Data, the fast-fingered android,

You can't love us, but we love you!

 

 

 

UPN Stinks

(sung to the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock")

 

UPN, UPN, UPN stinks.

UPN's stunk

So bad that it's shrunk.

Trekkers and Trekkies in cities galore

Can't see new Voyagers any more.

UPN, UPN, UPN stinks.

Their top-rated shows

Are wrestling -- that blows!

No wonder they can only beat WB.

So can QVC!

Your local station

With syndication,

Is the only way to go.

Half a network?

What Paramount jerk

Thought UPN would be good for our show?

UPN, UPN, UPN stinks.

That's what every good Trekker thinks!

Better that the next Trek is on pay-per-view!

That's 'cause UPN

That's 'cause UPN

That's 'cause UPN stinks!

 

 

I Went to a Grand-Slam Con

(sung to the tune of "Good King Wenceslas")

 

I went to a Grand-Slam Con

With only twenty dollars.

I could not buy a Star Trek shirt

Or Xena leather collars.

Luckily, John de Lancie

Let me take his photo.

Two autographs, just for laughs,

Were twenty bucks in toto!

Edited December 20, 2005 by Gamera

[KIMIMELA 1]

*Prints out*

Thanks guys! I love them!

[Capt_Picard 0]

That's a whole lot more then I thought!

[A l t e r E g o 9]

Yeah, I wrote one last year. It was the Twelve Days of Trivia. I think it's posted around here someplace.

 

I saved the URL, I'll bump it soon...

[youbroughtheryouRiker 2]

To "O Tannenbaum."

 

O Counselor Troi, O Counselor Troi

Good thing you're such a hottie

O Counselor Troi, O Counselor Troi

Your advice is real shoddy

You claim to read the en'my's mind

But cannot save Jean-Luc's behind

O Counselor Troi, O Counselor Troi

You're there for just your body!

[MANVERU 0]

^^^

 

Hehehehe

 

 

Definelty agreed!!!

[stvoyagerfan 1]

i came up with two. they might not be the greatest but hey. i had fun making them up.

it's sort of the take on jingle bells batman smells.

 

 

sung to jingle bells.

 

jingle bells data smells barclay laid an egg

the enterprise lost a nacelle and the borg got away.

 

this one is sung to santa clause is coming to town

 

the new title the borg are coming to town

 

you'd better watch out you'd better set your phasers to stun

you'd better not shout i'm tellin you why.

the borg are coming to town

they stalk you while your sleeping they know when to assimilate

so you'd better run now for goodness sake.

[MANVERU 0]

some of the words in these lyrics don't mix with the original tune.

 

Like for the above.

 

how does "Assimilate" fit in?

 

Know what i'm saying?

[jadziaezri 0]

don't be so harsh, you try better

[Matt 0]

As long as you had fun making them that's all that matters.

[Capt_Picard 0]

We should come up with a Christmas song for star trek fans dot net... any ideas?

[KIMIMELA 1]

I'll work on my version for it right now and post it tommorow. *Get's excited*

[stvoyagerfan 1]

can't wait to see what you come up with trekkiecara.

 

tm

[youbroughtheryouRiker 2]

Yeah, Matt, you can submit my "O Counselor Troi," unless you mean songs that are about/involve us.

 

 

 

Hmmmm.....

 

Dashing at warp eight out to the Neutral Zone

Romulans can't wait, won't leave such things alone (Oh no no!)

All's at Red Alert, tensions getting higher

We don't want anyone hurt, but we will return fire

 

Oh Photon bursts! Photon bursts! Make the message clear

Tell those stinking Romulans to get on outta he--ere!

Photon bursts! Photon bursts! Make the message clear--

Tell those stinking Romulans to get on outta here!

 

A day or two ago, a distress signal came

Already did we know, just who it was to blame

Geordi put on the steam, Worf readied the ammo

They waited for my signal, so I said, "Let's make it so."

 

Oh, Photon bursts! Photon bursts! Make the message clear

Tell those stinking Romulans to get on outta he-ere!

Photon bursts! Photon bursts! Make the message clear!

Tell those stinking Romulans to get on outta here!

 

Now they're turning tail, as they reverse course

Their mission did fail, they met a greater force.

The Federation wins. The crew follows my lead.

My next order then begins, "Ensign, set course and speed..."

 

Oh Photon bursts! Photon bursts! Make the message clear

Tell those stinking Romulans to get on outta he-ere!

Photon bursts! Photon bursts! Make the message clear

Tell those stinking Romulans to get on outta here!

Edited December 22, 2005 by youbroughtheryouRiker

[MANVERU 0]

EXCELLENT!!!!!!!

 

Hahaha, love it!

[krysis 2]

I really love all the songs. Especially the photon burst. This is STF composers at their best!

[Capt_Picard 0]

Star Trek Fans Dot Net Jingle Bells

 

Dashing through the snow

With VBG driving the sleigh

Alterego on the look out you know

For any bad words that we might say;

From Trivia to Snowball fights

It's really quite a sight

So come along and join us

As we post through all the night!

Jingle bells

Welcome to

Star Trek Fans Dot Net

We're the greatest bunch of geeks

You have ever meet!

 

Now here we go

From TOS to ENT

Or ENT to VOY

If you go chronologically;

We have all the movies;

At least on DVD;

And we also know

A great deal

About the animated series

Jingle Bells

We know Trek

Who would of guessed?

We have over three hundred thousand post

Most devoted to specks!

 

As you probably guessed

We talk a lot about Trek

We have Trivia

That can show who is the best;

We also like to fight

But we don't like to flame

For this is family site

And the worst thing you'll see is

Hey! What the hey?

Jingle Bells

We joke around

And we get to throw things

Tell people what we wear

And get promoted along the way

 

Many years ago

A man name Kevin made this site

Which we are all glad for

So we have a reason to stay up all night;

He fixes and maintains

All the problems along the way

So we send him aspirin

For all the havoc we’ve made

Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells

Jingle all the way!

Thank you Kevin and everyone else

And Happy Holidays!

 

So, what do you think?

[KIMIMELA 1]

Star Trek Fans Dot Net Jingle Bells

 

Dashing through the snow

With VBG driving the sleigh

Alterego on the look out you know

For any bad words that we might say;

From Trivia to Snowball fights

It's really quite a sight

So come along and join us

As we post through all the night!

Jingle bells

Welcome to

Star Trek Fans Dot Net

We're the greatest bunch of geeks

You have ever meet!

 

Now here we go

From TOS to ENT

Or ENT to VOY

If you go chronologically;

We have all the movies;

At least on DVD;

And we also know

A great deal

About the animated series

Jingle Bells

We know Trek

Who would of guessed?

We have over three hundred thousand post

Most devoted to specks!

 

As you probably guessed

We talk a lot about Trek

We have Trivia

That can show who is the best;

We also like to fight

But we don't like to flame

For this is family site

And the worst thing you'll see is

Hey! What the hey?

Jingle Bells

We joke around

And we get to throw things

Tell people what we wear

And get promoted along the way

 

Many years ago

A man name Kevin made this site

Which we are all glad for

So we have a reason to stay up all night;

He fixes and maintains

All the problems along the way

So we send him aspirin

For all the havoc we’ve made

Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells

Jingle all the way!

Thank you Kevin and everyone else

And Happy Holidays!

 

So, what do you think?

 

Fuuny :)

[KIMIMELA 1]

Here Comes Kevin

Gene Autry, Oakley Haldeman © 1947

 

Here comes Kevin!

Here comes Kevin!

Right on StarTrekFans!

Matt and Mj and all his Mods

are checking out the posts.

Mice are clicking, Keyboard's tapping;

All is merry and bright.

Hang your stockings and post your prayers,

'Cause Kevin's coming tonight.

 

Here comes Kevin!

Here comes Kevin!

Right on StarTrekFans!

He's got a PC that is filled with trek

for us boys and girls again.

Hear those modems beep bleep boop,

Oh What a beautiful sight.

Jump on the PC, cover up your eyes,

'Cause Kevin comes tonight.

 

------------------------------------------------

 

Winter Wonderland

Richard Smith, Felix Bernard 1934

 

Modems bleep, are you listening,

in the forum, snow is glistening

A beautiful sight,

we're happy tonight,

*walking in a winter wonderland*.

 

Gone away is the Mods,

here to stay is the Admin,

He sings a Trek song,

as we go along,

*walking in a winter wonderland*.

 

In the forum we can build a snowman,

Then pretend that he is Alterego

He'll say: What'ya doin' I told you once before

we'll say: It's christmas, we'll do it once more,

But you can do your job

when christmas ends!

 

Later on, we'll conspire,

as we dream by the PC

To face unafraid,

the plans that we've made,

*walking in a winter wonderland*.

 

In the forum we thank the mods,

and pretend that they're circus clowns

We'll have lots of fun with VaBeachGuy,

until the other clowns knock him down.

 

When it snows, ain't it thrilling,

Though your nose gets a chilling

We'll frolic and play, the Trekkie way,

*walking in a winter wonderland*.

 

-------------------------------------------

 

The Night Before Christmas

Clement Clarke Moore - adapted by Johnny Marks

 

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the forums,

Not a member was stirring, not even their mouse.

All the stockings were hung by the PC with care

In the hope that VaBeachGuy soon would be there.

Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

A miniature Admin and eight tiny Moderators,

A cool American Admin so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment the clock must tick.

And more rapid than the Eagles his mods all came

As he shouted, "Oh Takara" and each moderator's name.

And so up on STF the Moderators soon flew

With the PC full of Trek and VaBeachGuy, too.

Down the Modem he came with a leap and a bound;

He was dressed in a Trek suit, and his PC made no sound.

He posted not a word but went straight to this work,

And filled all the Logs, then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

Then giving a nod off STF he rose.

But I saw him exclaim as he drove out of sight,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

 

 

They are pathetic, but what do you guys think?

Edited December 22, 2005 by xXTrekkieCaraXx

[MANVERU 0]

Haha, awesome.

[KIMIMELA 1]

Haha, awesome.

 

what is your favourite? I've printed it out and I'm making it into a poster with all christmas things over it :) .

[MANVERU 0]

Here comes Kevin!!

 

 

hahahahahaha

[Capt_Picard 0]

Nice ones! I wounder what everyone will do when they read these.

*Sees angery mobs... or mods*

Yip!

[KIMIMELA 1]

That's what I thought. Hopefully Kevin wont mind, it's just Alterego comes to my mind... :)

 

W.T.H guys, It's Christmas!

 

Look out! Here comes Kevin! :P :VBGal: :VBGal2:

[Chataeya 0]

:P :) :)

Oh! How funny!!!!!

I Love them all!!

(printed them out too.)