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cassidy

grrr....men....

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i need to vent and i also need advice from gals AND guys. what i want to know is: are all guys the same???

 

my story is like this...the last guy i dated was so good in the beginning. he was totally smitten with me, and we did heaps of stuff together and everything was great :P except after about a month he stopped calling (we didn't even talk for a whole week at one stage!) and stopped asking me out (we didn't see each other for two months!) whenever i mentioned when we'd next see each other, he'd say "i'm too busy. you sort it out". i was very unimpressed :P i decided to give him another chance, but it just got worse and we ended up going out for 4 months until i dumped him.

 

i'm with another guy now, and he was EVEN MORE smitten with me than the first guy! he said he was the happiest guy alive, and even put a countdown timer on his website which counted down til our first date :P but as of a few days ago, he's been turning into the first guy. normally we talk on msn each night for an hour or so (it might seem odd to you, but just so you know, i'm 16) except now he's coming on for 5 minutes at really random times (even as a write this, he's not on grrrrrr). i was also supposed to be driving up to his place (which is 2 hours away) on the weekend, and three days before i was due he still hadn't planned anything, or even asked his parents! i was so annoyed that i just made up some excuse so i didn't have to go.

 

now it's really tricky because we're in the same youth group and know all the same people....i have to break up with him on good terms. and when? do i let it go for a little while or just break it off now?

 

it's funny that the same thing's happening again. are all guys like this? i think i've given up :inlove: maybe forget about guys until uni..... maybe meet a nice non-dodgy guy there :lol:

 

*phew* feels great to get that all off my chest. any comments would be VERY much appreciated. thanks guys!!

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you just haven't met the right guys. I dated a girl for three years, I never grew tired of her and always had time for her, I loved her. Still do, sadly she moved and I've only seen her one time since. I still have a picture of her in my wallet. Like I said, you'll find the right guy one day.

 

It would be nice to see her again.

Edited by Gamera

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My advice to you is to stop being available and making all the plans.

 

Let them chase you, make them drive to see you, don't always be available on msn. Have a life outside of the "boys".

 

And if they don't, than they weren't good enough for you anyway.

 

Treat yourself with respect, act in a manner that commands respect, and they'll give it.

 

As for the breaking up, yeah, dump him.

 

Let him know why.

 

You don't have to be angry, or mean while doing it, but he does need to know the truth.

 

You may not be able to be friends, but in the end, you were the one that was treated poorly, and you stood up for yourself and your dignity but cutting this guy loose who was treating you poorly.

 

You know you can hold your head high about it.

Edited by Madame Butterfly

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I agree with MB. Get rid of him but in a nice way. Plus if you are 16, I assume you are going out with boys, not men (sorry to split hairs but there's a big difference). Many boys mature less quickly than young women so some can be less mature and less responsible imo.

 

You will find the right person eventually, don't give up hope. Hang in there!

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thanks for the advice guys :inlove: i've decided i'll break up with him today. but i thought he'd be non-dodgy cos he's 18... nvm i'm already over him! :lol: wish me luck!

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I agree with MB! Don't sit around waiting for a guy to call or message you! Go out and have fun.

 

I've always found that guys don't ever seem to call you unless you're already going somewhere. It's like a radar or something, as soon as they know you're having fun without them, they call and try and get you to change your plans for them!

 

A lot of guys go through a "backing off" stage after the smitten stage. It's because they're not ready to commit yet and they need some space to figure out what the heck they're doing. When they're going through that stage, you need to back off as well and let them figure things out, if you pressure them, they run.

 

They're not trying to hurt you by not calling, they're trying to figure out what those new feelings mean.

 

If you care for someone, you have to be super-patient with them while they go through the more awkward phases. But remember, that doesn't mean you can't have a life of your own. Go have fun with your girlfriends and eventually he'll call again.

 

I have had a crush on my best guy friend for five years, we have gone out off and on for the last six months. He drives me nuts, but I wouldn't trade his friendship for the world, so I deal with it somehow. Some weeks he'll call me very night, or sometimes he'll go two weeks without talking to me at all, I just have to tell myself, "eh, he's a guy!" :lol:

 

:inlove:

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Some weeks he'll call me very night, or sometimes he'll go two weeks without talking to me at all, I just have to tell myself, "eh, he's a guy!"  :inlove:

353795[/snapback]

 

but we shouldn't have to put up with that! arrghhh :lol:

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I had a commitment with the girl I was dating for three years during high school and college, I seriously thought that we would eventually possibly get married. It's just to bad situations led to where she had to move away or who knows where it would have taken us.

 

 

I don't know what advice to give to you since I don't act like that, or atleast try my hardest not to, but I agree that with the gals. It's probably best to move on until you find the one

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I think Madame Butterfly hit the nail on the head. Do you have a life outside of him? You make it sound like you don't. You can't smother him, or he'll grow to resent you.

 

At this point, it does sound like it's too late for this boyfriend.

 

One disclaimer about making them chase you, though: I know I'm not a big fan of mind games, and I don't appreciate them at all. So, since you're breaking up with this guy, fine. With the next guy, make him want you, but don't toy with his mind either. That's just disrespectful.

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I think Madame Butterfly hit the nail on the head.  Do you have a life outside of him?  You make it sound like you don't. 

354029[/snapback]

 

well i probably sound like i've been obsessing over him, except i never meant it to seem that way. of course it's been bothering me for the last couple of days though. besides, i don't really think that i really have time for a relationship - what with year 11 next year (gotta devote lots of time to my studies!) and i recently got a job at a bakery. i ended up breaking up with him yesterday, and it's all good now. thanks so much guys! you helped me to make up my mind!

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i need to vent and i also need advice from gals AND guys. what i want to know is: are all guys the same???

 

my story is like this...the last guy i dated was so good in the beginning. he was totally smitten with me, and we did heaps of stuff together and everything was great  :lol:  except after about a month he stopped calling (we didn't even talk for a whole week at one stage!) and stopped asking me out (we didn't see each other for two months!) whenever i mentioned when we'd next see each other, he'd say "i'm too busy. you sort it out". i was very unimpressed  :P  i decided to give him another chance, but it just got worse and we ended up going out for 4 months until i dumped him.

 

i'm with another guy now, and he was EVEN MORE smitten with me than the first guy! he said he was the happiest guy alive, and even put a countdown timer on his website which counted down til our first date  :P  but as of a few days ago, he's been turning into the first guy. normally we talk on msn each night for an hour or so (it might seem odd to you, but just so you know, i'm 16) except now he's coming on for 5 minutes at really random times (even as a write this, he's not on grrrrrr). i was also supposed to be driving up to his place (which is 2 hours away) on the weekend, and three days before i was due he still hadn't planned anything, or even asked his parents! i was so annoyed that i just made up some excuse so i didn't have to go.

 

now it's really tricky because we're in the same youth group and know all the same people....i have to break up with him on good terms. and when? do i let it go for a little while or just break it off now?

 

it's funny that the same thing's happening again. are all guys like this? i think i've given up  :inlove: maybe forget about guys until uni..... maybe meet a nice non-dodgy guy there  :P

 

*phew* feels great to get that all off my chest. any comments would be VERY much appreciated. thanks guys!!

353689[/snapback]

 

Worry not, fair maiden! (Don't ask why I started with that, I haven't a clue.) It's not only men who are like that. I've been with a few women who were like that as well.

 

As for advice, well, you said you were 16. My advice is that you don't bother with guys at all for a while. Chances are, all they want is sex. Sad, but true. Wait a couple years, and then date the guys that strike you fancy. If they don't try to seduce you early on (or at the very least, are willing to wait if you say no), then either they're worth holding on to or are very patient. As they are two totally different types of guy, and every guy that's one or the other can only be one type, I can't tell you how to tell the difference.

 

To sum it all up, wait. Never take a guy at face value.

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I think Madame Butterfly hit the nail on the head.  Do you have a life outside of him?  You make it sound like you don't. 

354029[/snapback]

 

well i probably sound like i've been obsessing over him, except i never meant it to seem that way. of course it's been bothering me for the last couple of days though. besides, i don't really think that i really have time for a relationship - what with year 11 next year (gotta devote lots of time to my studies!) and i recently got a job at a bakery. i ended up breaking up with him yesterday, and it's all good now. thanks so much guys! you helped me to make up my mind!

354041[/snapback]

 

Heh. Thank Madame_Butterfly most of all. She brought out the best points that we just expanded on.

 

I would just say don't use your busy schedule as a reason not to try. Not so much because it doesn't work as an excuse, but more because it'll work better than you wanted it to, if you let it.

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My advice to you is to stop being available and making all the plans.

 

Let them chase you, make them drive to see you, don't always be available on msn.  Have a life outside of the "boys".

 

And if they don't, than they weren't good enough for you anyway.

 

Treat yourself with respect, act in a manner that commands respect, and they'll give it.

 

353697[/snapback]

Being a guy i agree with MB on that one....The chase is half the fun,i never wanted a girl that was to easy...hard to get is the name of the game ..:inlove: ..the ones who keep chase'ing are the ones who are serious :lol: ...life is not easy and finding the right person is not easy...if it was life wouldnt be very intresting,in time the right guy will come along.....not all us guys are the same :P

 

P.s good luck.

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My advice to you is to stop being available and making all the plans.

 

Let them chase you, make them drive to see you, don't always be available on msn.  Have a life outside of the "boys".

 

And if they don't, than they weren't good enough for you anyway.

 

Treat yourself with respect, act in a manner that commands respect, and they'll give it.

 

353697[/snapback]

Being a guy i agree with MB on that one....The chase is half the fun,i never wanted a girl that was to easy...hard to get is the name of the game ..:inlove: ..the ones who keep chase'ing are the ones who are serious :P ...life is not easy and finding the right person is not easy...if it was life wouldnt be very intresting,in time the right guy will come along.....not all us guys are the same :P

 

P.s good luck.

354100[/snapback]

 

Not every guy is like that. If I had to "chase" a girl, I would soon lose interest. I liked having the girls chase me. :P Of course, I am rather egotistical, so I used to think that they should be the ones doing the chasing. :lol:

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My advice to you is to stop being available and making all the plans.

 

Let them chase you, make them drive to see you, don't always be available on msn.  Have a life outside of the "boys".

 

And if they don't, than they weren't good enough for you anyway.

 

Treat yourself with respect, act in a manner that commands respect, and they'll give it.

 

353697[/snapback]

Being a guy i agree with MB on that one....The chase is half the fun,i never wanted a girl that was to easy...hard to get is the name of the game ..:inlove: ..the ones who keep chase'ing are the ones who are serious :P ...life is not easy and finding the right person is not easy...if it was life wouldnt be very intresting,in time the right guy will come along.....not all us guys are the same :P

 

P.s good luck.

354100[/snapback]

 

Not every guy is like that. If I had to "chase" a girl, I would soon lose interest. I liked having the girls chase me. :bow: Of course, I am rather egotistical, so I used to think that they should be the ones doing the chasing. :P

354153[/snapback]

 

:lol: you're not going to get anywhere with that attitude

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My advice to you is to stop being available and making all the plans.

 

Let them chase you, make them drive to see you, don't always be available on msn.  Have a life outside of the "boys".

 

And if they don't, than they weren't good enough for you anyway.

 

Treat yourself with respect, act in a manner that commands respect, and they'll give it.

 

353697[/snapback]

Being a guy i agree with MB on that one....The chase is half the fun,i never wanted a girl that was to easy...hard to get is the name of the game ..:inlove: ..the ones who keep chase'ing are the ones who are serious :P ...life is not easy and finding the right person is not easy...if it was life wouldnt be very intresting,in time the right guy will come along.....not all us guys are the same :P

 

P.s good luck.

354100[/snapback]

 

Not every guy is like that. If I had to "chase" a girl, I would soon lose interest. I liked having the girls chase me. :bow: Of course, I am rather egotistical, so I used to think that they should be the ones doing the chasing. :P

354153[/snapback]

 

:lol: you're not going to get anywhere with that attitude

354181[/snapback]

 

I've been with the same girl for 4 years, we're engaged to be married, and we have a son.

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My advice to you is to stop being available and making all the plans.

 

Let them chase you, make them drive to see you, don't always be available on msn.  Have a life outside of the "boys".

 

And if they don't, than they weren't good enough for you anyway.

 

Treat yourself with respect, act in a manner that commands respect, and they'll give it.

 

353697[/snapback]

Being a guy i agree with MB on that one....The chase is half the fun,i never wanted a girl that was to easy...hard to get is the name of the game ..:sus: ..the ones who keep chase'ing are the ones who are serious :) ...life is not easy and finding the right person is not easy...if it was life wouldnt be very intresting,in time the right guy will come along.....not all us guys are the same :)

 

P.s good luck.

354100[/snapback]

Whahahah i belive it was you who played hard to get when we first meet right hun??

So i guess i was serious cuz i kept on going till i got you haha

 

Finding the right person is trial and error but in the end most people find Mr or Mrs right,best thing is dont look for it..it will find you!!

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I think hei is there already girl!

354191[/snapback]

 

Yup. :sus:

354200[/snapback]

 

:) i apologise. where you the chaser or chasee?

354262[/snapback]

 

Actually, I was both. We kinda chased each other.

 

Needless to say, the chase didn't last that long. :)

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