prometheus 0 Posted May 8, 2003 Hot desert. A mysterious man on a horse galloping towards this ugly guy poking at the ground. Mysterious man rides up to him. Jumps off. Mysterious man does some sort of mystical healing thing on the ugly guy and takes away "his pain" whatever that is. Man is happy. Mysterious guy takes off hood... Shock! He's a Vulcan. Vulcan laughs, "join my quest". Cue music and.... Kirk and Spock and McCoy are camping. Kirk is climbing a cliff face without a rope and McCoy is moaning and groaning in a fur lined denim jacket and watching him through 23rd century binnoculars.. As Kirk continues with his heroic ascent, Spock zooms up in a pair of rocket boots to chat to him. Kirk falls and just when you think his fat face is about to get smashed in, Spock rockets down and catches him. McCoy runs towards them muttering like a mad man. Back to the hot planet and we see a grotty cantina not quite unlike that in Star Wars. Three breasted cat dancer and stuff. Another mysterious hooded figure trots in and goes into a room which contains a big fat drunken Klingon and a smarmy English bloke in a dirty suit. They are representatives of their planets. The hot planet is Nimbus something or other and it's suposed to be a peaceful planet. Though it's rubbish. The hood comes off and ... shock! It's a Romulan. Laughing Vulcan and an army of ugly people crash the cantina and take the unlikely trio hostage. Up in Space Dock the new Enterprise A is falling apart. Scottie is being a grumpy old sod as per usual and Uhura is running around with a couple of ration packs and cooing over him like they've been married for years. Red Alertbreaks out and before long Uhura is away down to get the gang in a shuttle. They have been taosting marsh mallows, eating beans, drinking bourbon and singing songs. Kirk has said he's gonna die alone. Oh boo hoo. Up on the Enterprise Jim walks onto the bridge. It's a rip of the original series one and the TNG one, all carpets and brown. Jim's wearing a tee shirt "go climb a rock ". An admiral, who of courses knows Kirk, tells him to fly over to the Nimbus planet and rescue the unlikely trio. Meanwhile, a skinny looking Klingon with long hair called Klaaa (!) is flying around with his female Klingon mate in a bird of Prey, shooting space rubbish. He decides he'll go to Nimbus too to fight Kirk. On Nimbus, Uhura dances naked and lures some men away from their horses. Disguised as horse riders Kirk and co storm the cantina. The transporters dont work. If they did then the film would be over by now. The unlikely trio have been brain washed by the laughing Vulcan and betray Kirk. They all cram into a shuttle and crash land in the back of the Enterprise after Klaaa fires on them. Spock has the opportunity to kill laughing boy but doesnt. The laughing Vulcan is his half brother Sybok whom we had never heard of before. Kirk and Spock and McCoy are in the brig. It looks awful with stupid fluorescent lights acting as bars. Scotty breaks them out and then knocks himself out on a pipe in a Jeffries tube (the high light of the show) The trio rocket up a pipe with Spock's boots and radio for help. Sybok tracks them down and attempts to brainwash them., He can take away pain felt by bad acts we have done. For McCoy, this was bumping off his sick dad. For the gloomy Spock this was being born half human. Kirk, of course, wants to live with his pain. He's such a man. Any old hoo, to wrap this up. They fly to the centre of the galaxy to find God. They end up finding a crappy planet inside a blue cloud and some big evil superbeing who takes a face like God's. Sybok sacrifices himself so all can get away from this monster who wants the Enterprise to escape the centre of the galaxy. Kirk looks like he's going to be killed but the Klingon Bird of prey pops up and, with Spock on the guns, it blows the monster guy up. They all fly away together and drink and have a laugh. Back camping, sing song cue music, the end. What fun. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
xenexian 2 Posted May 8, 2003 If this was an attempt to make me think twice about this movie, it failed. I cannot even begin to describe my dislike for this movie. Poorly written and directed with horrible acting to boot. Hearing three Star Trek icons attempting to sing around the campfire was one of the worst decisions ever. This is one movie I refuse to own. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prometheus 0 Posted May 8, 2003 No, I think the movie sucks big time. I was just writing a synopsis for it out of boredom! I'll do one for another film. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
removed 0 Posted May 9, 2003 havent seen it yet but if you want bad acting: st:tmp. lol. i watched it for the first time on tuesday. the acting stunk. lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Admiral Kirk 1 Posted May 13, 2003 Star Trek V Is so bad a friend of mine thinks it's a comedy. STMP has one big advantage over STV is that it's a high quality production with a lot of attention to detail. STV has none of that and had some of the worst FX I have ever seen. It's sad when the STNG tv show had better FX than a multi million dollar film. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
