Knock, Knock Jokes and One Liners

[Jeanway 0]

Keep it short. No explaintions Please, that kills it. I NEED A GOOD LAUGH TODAY

[Jeanway 0]

What did the Cannibal with indigestion say? Must have been someone I ate.

[Star Trek Fan 0]

Knock, Knock,

Who's there???

Dr.

Dr. Who!!! LOL!!!

[Jeanway 0]

Knock, Knock,

Who's there???

Dr.

Dr. Who!!!  LOL!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[fenriz275 0]

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

[Jeanway 0]

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.  :lol:

 

 

 

 

OH, the same, I feel.

[fenriz275 0]

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

[Jeanway 0]

What's the difference between Heavy-duty and Light-duty? Heavy-duty sinks, light-duty floats, Eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I know :( :unsure:

[fenriz275 0]

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

[stoned_vulcan 0]

we've all heard the saying he escaped certain death... how is this possible? if death is certain how can you escape??

[Jeanway 0]

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. :blink:

 

 

 

Neither do dogs :wacko:

[fenriz275 0]

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits. :wacko:

[3 of 7 0]

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

O.J. of Borg.

O.J. of Borg who?

Okay, you're on the Collective.

 

B)

[Jeanway 0]

we've all heard the saying he escaped certain death... how is this possible? if death is certain how can you escape??

 

 

 

 

 

 

Certain, FOR NOW. It WILL BE certain eventually B)

[Q stole my bike 0]

What do you call seagulls that fly over the bay?

Click for Spoiler:

bagels

[fenriz275 0]

The early bird gets the worm but the 2nd mouse gets the cheese.

[ARMS 0]

What do you call a lonely fisherman?

A Master-Baiter.

 

~

 

Q: Why did the blonde get pulled over by the police?

A: Her headlights weren't working, so she was flashing people.

 

~

 

How do you stop a blonde tank?

Shoot the people pushing it!

 

~

 

A blonde is like a pooltable, put a dollar in and she'll rack your balls.

 

~

 

What do blondes do for foreplay ?

 

Remove their underwear.

 

~

 

Q: How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge?

A: There is lipstick on the cucumber

 

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Why did the blonde run out of shampoo?

She kept following the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat!

 

~

 

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?

A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''

 

~

 

If ignorance is bliss then you must be orgasmic.

 

~

 

You look like sh!t. Is that the style now?

 

~

 

You are depriving some village of an idiot.

 

~

 

If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport

 

~

 

De'ja Moo - heard that bull(I'm trying to say a bad word but can't) before

 

~

 

U know what's the difference between u getin laid, and pope getin laid? If pope get laid it a Sin, if u get laid it a Miracle.

 

~

 

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

[ARMS 0]

Try not to let your mind wander... It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

 

~

 

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

 

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I once thought I was ugly, until I saw you!

 

~

 

You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed

 

~

 

Do I look like a (I'm trying to misspell a badword but can't)ing people person!

 

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And your crybaby, whiny-assed opinion would be.....?

 

~

 

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

 

~

 

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

 

~

 

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

 

~

 

I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

 

~

 

Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.

 

~

 

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Yo mama is so stupid that she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

 

~

 

Yo mama is so dumb that she got locked in the bathroom and peed her pants.

 

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Yo' Mama's so fat, she fell off all four sides of the bed.

 

~

 

Your mama's so fat when she walked into the all-you-can-eat buffet they had to install speed bumps.

 

~

 

You're so stupid that if you got locked in ASDA, you'd starve to death!

 

~

 

Yo mama's so fat, she got busted in the airport for having 200 pounds of crack.

 

~

 

I'm gonna tell you a joke that'll make your (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't) fall off. Oops, my bad -- someone

already told you.

 

~

 

Your father is so old, he has to put his d!ck in the freezer to get hard.

 

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Yo' mama like a Big Mac -- full of fat and only worth a quid!

 

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Yo Mama is like a bus, she's big she doesn't smell very good and it's only 80p to ride.

 

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A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.

 

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Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.

 

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Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing.

 

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He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory.

 

~

 

He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.

 

~

 

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

 

~

 

I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.

 

~

 

He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe.

 

~

 

How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?

Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.

 

~

 

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my @$$!

 

~

 

You're so poor, you have a big hole in the wall and call it air conditioning.

 

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You're so stupid, your mother told you to go buy a color television and you asked, “What color?”

 

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Yo' mama so poor, she has to chase down the garbage truck with a shopping list!

 

~

 

Your family is so poor, when I went to your house I stepped on a cigarette and your Daddy shouted, “Hey, who turned off the heater!”

 

~

 

Yo Mama's armpits are so hairy, she looks like she got Don King in a headlock!

[jefffitz 0]

What did the leper say to the hooker?

 

"Keep the tip."

[WEAREBORG4102 0]

why was the U.N. afraid of banquets??

Because it would mean the ruining of "grease" and "turkey" and the break up of "china"

:laughs:

[ARMS 0]

A set of jump-leads walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

 

~

 

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

 

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

 

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Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"

 

~

 

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

 

~

 

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

[WEAREBORG4102 0]

this was a real ad:

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate

 

What did beethoven do in his grave??? He decomposed.

Edited April 17, 2004 by WEAREBORG4102

[ARMS 0]

I went to buy some camouflage tropeople the other day but I couldn't find any.

 

~

 

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

 

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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.

 

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It is rude to tell a girl that she has a better tash than you.