Letter To Become An Illegal Alien

[Kor37 9]

Someone actually sent this letter to:

 

 

 

 

The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes

309 Hart Senate Office Building

Wahington DC, 20510

 

Dear Senator Sarbanes,

 

As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for you assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

 

My primary reson for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill that was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

 

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

 

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

 

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

 

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal, retroactively if possible, and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

 

Your Loyal Constituent,

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sarbanes is our useless Senator from Maryland who is thankfully finally retiring.

[Theunicornhunter 2]

If it's real it's funny - but it is also sad.

[He Who Shall Not Be Named 2]

I agree - your Senator Sarbanes is useless, and anyone who has had to deal with the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002 would pretty much agree with me except for CPA firms. They love the act. Ironically it was supposed to help reign in CPAs but it has actually created more employment for them.

 

Sarbanes-Oxley has been called the "Accounting Full-Employment Act" and Section 404 of the Sarbanes-Oxley Act has been called the single-most expensive piece of legislation on a per-word basis ever because of all the new processes public companies have to go through to remain public companies. I won't bore non-accountants with the details but it was not based on good economics, good business practice, or even good accounting.

 

It does not surprise me the Senator Sarbanes would vote for this equally bad plan. I don't think there should be such a category as illegal immigrants. Anyone who can prove their identity and don't have criminal records (by that I mean felonies according to US law- misdemeanors we can look at case by case) should be allowed in. But my feelings on immigration law aside the law is the law and we shouldn't be creating incentives to break it.

Edited October 17, 2006 by Lt. Van Roy

[Wishfire 2]

Now that is Hall of Fame material :P