Big Paper

[Capt_Picard 0]

OK, I have another paper that need help... greatly. Also, this paper is for two classes making it a very powerful paper to my grades... kep point is grades. So, please... I ask of the fine people here to help me with this paper and not to be suprize if you see this same type of posting in four months.

Please help?

P.S.: I took out my real name and put my site name because I am posting this on the net.

Click For Spoiler

Capt_Picard's Educational Plan (Rough Draft)

Everyone has to come up with an educational plan for what they want to do with their life. No matter whom it may be. Be it a person wanting to be simple plumber or a rocket scientist. This paper will cover who I am, what I want to do, why I want to do it, and what I need to do to get there. Simple… I hope. Furthermore, the use of comedy in this paper is strictly for the use of covering anything that I might not really know how to answer correctly.

Who am I?

Well, I’m me… I think I should elaborate more, don’t you? I’m Capt_Picard, a nineteen year old freshman at Olympic College. I am a very logical thinking person and I generally like anything science relative. Most of the time I like looking into how weather happens and researching about other things like earthquakes, volcanoes, and astronomy. The best way for me to learn new things is to try something out my self or see it done. I get a better feel of what I am doing and it gives me something to do instead of reading a text book. The more the tech, the better I understand basically describes me. I am very good with technology. This can be seen in the four straight years of computers classes that I’ve taken. Also, I’m great when in comes to anything dealing with a television. Over the last three years I have helped tape, edit, direct, act, and manage video relative works such as live sports events, news hosting, story producing, and help maintaining SKTV (South Kitsap Television) for the South Kitsap School District. Before I even started working for my past high school I had already been a part of a radio show and had a part time job washing, drying, and cleaning up the excrements of dogs. Hey, it’s dirty, but some one has to do it!

Where am I Going?

I am hoping to become a TV meteorologist. To become one will take near eight years of college and financial help. I will need at least a bachelor's degree in meteorology or atmospheric science. To get there I am right now taking a two year at Olympic College then hopefully transfer to the UWA, WAU, or another university in the state of Washington. I would hopefully end up working at a local television station like Kome 4, King 5, or Kiro 7 where pay for a meteorologist is near $37,000 to over $100,000 yearly for their work. While working I would be gathering data of incoming weather patters of the local area, interpreting the information, and come up with a guess of what the weather pattern might cause in the mean of probable rainfall, or snow fall, and different changes in temperature. My work hours would vary depending on what shift I would work, but I would most likely work for eight hour weekdays or twelve hour weekends. I would be also doing live, and tape, stand ups in front of cameras for local viewing on what ever news station I end up on. But, hopefully not Q13… I really hope not!

How Did I Make This Decision?

I’ve been wanting to become a meteorologist for a long time now. Namely because of the weather patterns that accrue and the differences in weather in different parts of the world interest me. The field is interesting and it is the only high paying job out there that people get to guess! The job requires a great deal of math and science and understanding of many earth sciences. I was hard pressed for a time for what I really want to be when I grow up, but I really got into weather after I saw a report where he was standing in the middle of a hurricane reporting live. It looked scary and a little cool too. One of the best inspirations I have to being a meteorologist is Steve Pool. H e is great weather man who knows what he’s talking about from everyday weather in Seattle or big snow storms that hit the east coast. This job looks very interesting to me and I really think that if I put my mind to it I could end up in a big market and that would mean a big check.

How Will I Get There?

Going from a freshman in college to a meteorologist at a top market station will be a hard thing to accomplish. First there are the classes I must take at Olympic College to get an AAS (Associate in Arts and Sciences) which will take near two years. Then I will need another six years to get a PhD so I could have the possible chance to research different weather patters or global warming effects on the weather. Some of the best universities are located in the state and they all offer a wide range of study into simple meteorology to detail classes dealing with oceanography. The job market is very sound for meteorologist. There are as many jobs in the field as are people looking for them. Theo some of these jobs might be low paying, they pay at minimum will be around $18,000 yearly. That is of course for a meteorologist that only has a bachelor’s degree. As for a person with a PhD, which I am hope to get, the minimum amount yearly would be around $27,500 and if I were to end up doing live weather in a big market in could go over $100,000 yearly.

Like I said getting there will take some work. My long term plans to getting there are simple enough as staying in school, receive financial help from government programs to cover class expenses, and internship at local radio or television stations. As for my short term plans they will be getting a job to help support my self while in college and move out of my home to my own place so I might have a better studying environment then the one I have now. My first goal is to get an internship which could happen before the end of my second year of college. The next goal will be to get my AAS at Olympic College followed by transferring to university. While at the university I will focus on my major while still continuing an internship, or by that time working, at a near by radio or television station.

I know who I am, where I am, where I am going, and how I want to get there. It will take time to get where I want to go and there will be a great deal of work in my way. But, if I stick to my plan, get help along they, and take a stop to laugh I should get where and what I want to be and get the most out of my education.

[youbroughtheryouRiker 2]

Ok, I'm doing mostly grammar here. Make sure you use proper paragraph indentations, and not the block paragraph style commonly used in long posts (such as some of mine) on the Internet. Just some suggestions.

 

People have to come up with an educational plan for what they want to do with their lives, no matter who they may be, be they people wanting to be simple plumbers or a rocket scientists. Also, a bit of run-on here. Consider getting rid of "no matter who they may be." Make sure you're not mixing plural and singular verbs and pronouns. This paper will cover who I am, what I want to do, why I want to do it, and what I need to do to get there. Simple… I hope. Change this fragment. Make it a full sentence. Furthermore,not the best word. Perhaps say "It should be noted," the use of comedy in this paper suggest substituting "in this paper" with "herein" is strictly for the use of covering anything that I might not really know how to answer correctly.Again, wrong word to use. Suggest "fully"

Who am I? NICE HOOK HERE. DON'T CHANGE THIS.

Well, I’m me.(don't use the ellipsis here. One period) I think I should elaborate more, don’t you?NEVER address the reader as "you." In fact, just end the sentence with "more." I’m Capt_Picard, a nineteen year old freshman at Olympic College. I am a very logical thinking person, and I generally like anything related to science. Most of the time, I like looking into how weather happens and researching about other things like earthquakes, volcanoes, and astronomy. The best way for me to learn new things is to try something out myself or see it done. I get a better feel of change "of" to "for" what I am doing, and it gives me something to do instead of reading a text book. The more the tech, the better I understand basically describes me.change this sentence completely! How about "Basically, the more I work with something, the better I understand it." I am very good with technology. This can be seen in the four straight years of computers classes that I’ve taken. Also, I’m great when it comes to anything dealing with a don't need "a", just "dealing with television" television. Over the last three years, I have helped tape, edit, direct, act, and manage video relative works change "relative works" to "projects" such as live sporting events, news, story production, and assisted maintenance of SKTV (South Kitsap Television) for the South Kitsap School District. Before I even started working for my past high school, I had already been a part of a radio show and had a part time job washing, drying, and cleaning up the excrements of dogs. Hey, it’s a dirty job, but someone's got to do it! Unless you've been asked to enumerate previous jobs, I'd seriously leave out the part about working with dogs. Keep it relative to media productions. Otherwise, please use the cliche correctly, as I've corrected it here

Where am I going? The hook worked at the beginning, but now, I'd try to find a way to make a smooth transition between these two parts.

I hope to become a TV meteorologist. To become one will take nearly eight years of college and financial help. I will need at least a Bachelor's degree in meteorology or atmospheric science. I'd even suggest saying "Bachelor's Of Science" To get there I am right now enrolled for two years at Olympic College; then hopefully, I will transfer to the UWA, WAU, or another university in the state of Washington.Unwrap the acronyms. Full names when first using them I would like to work at a local television station like KOME 4, KING 5, or KIRO 7, Station call letters go in caps. I'd suggest not using the channel numbers either where pay for a meteorologist currently ranges from $37,000 to over $100,000 per year. While working, I would be gathering data of incoming weather patterns in the local area, interpreting the information, and coming up with a forecast of what the weather pattern might cause in terms of precipitation, temperature changes, and other pertinent information. The need for "other information" will show that you care about more than just rain and temperature, but still acknowledges that those two are of foremost importance My work hours would vary depending on which shift I would work, but I would most likely work eight-hour weekdays or twelve-hour weekends. Note the hyphens and the elimination of "for" I also would be doing live and taped stand-ups in front of cameras for local viewing on the news station that employs me. But, hopefully not Q13… I really hope not!Scratch this line. Comes off as unprofessional.

How Did I Make This Decision?again, make a smooth transition here, unless assigned otherwise.

I’ve wanted to become a meteorologist for a long time now, namely because weather patterns that accrue and the differences in weather in different parts of the world interest me. The field is interesting, and it is the one of the few high-paying jobs out there where people are paid to guess! Don't say "only" cuz someone will invariably think of another. The job requires a great deal of math and science and understanding of many earth sciences. I was hard-pressed for a time about what I really wanted to be when I grew up, but I really got into weather after I saw a report where a weatherman was standing in the middle of a hurricane, reporting live. It looked scary and a little cool, too. One of the best inspirations I have towards being a meteorologist is Steve Pool. He is great weatherman who knows what he’s talking about, from everyday weather in Seattle or big snow storms that hit the East coast. This job looks very interesting to me, and I really think that if I put my mind to it, I could end up in a big market, which would mean a big check.

How Will I Get There? Do I need to say it again?

Going from a freshman in college to a meteorologist at a top market station will be a hard thing to accomplish. First, there are the classes I must take at Olympic College to get an Associate in Arts and Sciences (AAS), right idea, wrong way around which will take nearly two years. Then, I will need another six years to get a Ph.D. so I could have the possible chance to research different weather patterns or global warming effects on the weather. Some of the best universities are located in the state of Washington, and they all offer a wide range of study from simple meteorology to detailed classes dealing with oceanography. The job market is very sound for meteorologists. There are as many jobs in the field as are people looking for them. Though some of these jobs might be low-paying, they pay, at minimum, around $18,000 annually. That is, of course, for a meteorologist that only has a Bachelor’s degree. With a Ph.D., which I hope to get, the minimal annual salary would be around $27,500, and if I were to end up doing live weather in a big market, it could go over $100,000 yearly.

Like I said, getting there will take some work. My long term plans to getting there are as simple as staying in school, receiving financial help from government programs to cover class expenses, and completing internships at local radio or television stations. As for my short term plans, they will include getting a job to help support myself while in college and moving out of my parents' home to my own place, so I might have a better studying environment. My first goal is to get an internship, which could happen before the end of my second year of college. The next goal will be to get my AAS at Olympic College, followed by transferring to a larger university. While at the university, I will focus on my major, while still continuing an internship, or working at a nearby radio or television station.

I know who I am, where I am, where I am going, and how I want to get there. It will take time to get where I want to go, and there will be a great deal of work in my way. However, Don't start a sentence with "and" "but" or "or" if I stick to my plan, get help along the way, and occasionally stop to laugh, I should get the most out of my education, being who, what, and where I want to be.

[Kor37 9]

I think Riker has covered all the bases, Matthew.

[Itchygomba69 0]

is this for College or HS?

[Chataeya 0]

I think Riker has it down pat , TOO

[Theunicornhunter 2]

Riker caught a lot - but there's still a lot more - why don't you post a second draft?

[youbroughtheryouRiker 2]

Yeah, I took care of what I could, but it was mostly just grammar. I didn't do a whole lot with style. That, and there's no way I could catch everything.

 

I was curious as to how you all would shorten my name. I thought you'd go with YBHYR, but whatever works.

[Kor37 9]

I was curious as to how you all would shorten my name. I thought you'd go with YBHYR, but whatever works

 

I'm still trying to figure out what your name means................................

[Matt 0]

Quick question Picard - do you read through what you've writen when you're finished?

 

You should try and pick out your mistakes by yourself otherwise you'll never learn and we can't do your work for you forever, we shouldn't really be doing it at all.

[Kor37 9]

I'm still waiting to see the grade I got on the last paper......... :(

[Capt_Picard 0]

First, thanks for your help everyone and I should have the final draft done Sunday. Now as for Matt's question I do read over my work, but as the write of it I mainly only see the spelling errors (thanks to MS Word) and some grammer. As for everthing else... well, I'm still working on it. Please I am trying my best. Thanks again Ricker, The Unicorn Hunter, and Kor, who helped me a great deal on my last paper. I should get the grade for paper two tomorrow and I turn this paper in on the 2nd. Thank you everyone for your help and I will post the grade I get for this paper in this topic in middle November.

[MrPsychic 1]

I agree with what Matt said. Try writing a paper completely, not a rough draft and make us give you the final draft.

[Capt_Picard 0]

I got an 85% in English and I am going to do a little more work on this for my other class... stay posted.

[youbroughtheryouRiker 2]

I was curious as to how you all would shorten my name. I thought you'd go with YBHYR, but whatever works

 

I'm still trying to figure out what your name means................................

 

It was either that or "RikerIhardlyknowher"