HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

[Lollypop 0]

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

 

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it lovingly in the crook of

your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right

forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and

gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right

hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to

close mouth and swallow.

 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

Cradle cat lovingly in left arm and repeat process.

 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.

 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,

holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open

and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold

mouth shut for a count of ten.

 

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of

wardrobe. Call partner in from garden.

 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees,

hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get

partner to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while

forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and

rub cat's throat vigorously.

 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from

foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.

Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth,

and set to one side for gluing later.

 

8. Wrap cat in a large towel and get partner to lie on cat

with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in

end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil

and blow down straw.

 

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans,

drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-aid to

partner's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap

and water.

 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.

Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto

neck, so as to leave the head showing. Force mouth open with

dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door

back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour shot, drink.

Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus

shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back

another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from

bedroom.

 

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across

the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while

swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

 

13. Tie the little bugger's front paws to rear paws with

garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table.

Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth

followed by large piece of raw fish. Be rough about it. Hold

head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to

wash down pill.

 

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you

to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and

forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop

on way home to order a new table.

 

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell

and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any

hamsters.

 

 

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

 

1. Wrap it in cheese.

 

____________________________________________________________

 

"Keep in mind that to a dog, you're family;

to a cat, you're staff."

-- Ron Dentinger

[Captain Jean-Luc Picard 1]

:biggrin:

[A l t e r E g o 9]

Where is the part about the antiseptic and band-aids? :biggrin: Oh yeah, the beer and scotch.

[Chataeya 0]

:biggrin: And to think my Mother has 5 of them. Pill time, oops, I'm gone.

[Captain Jean-Luc Picard 1]

We once had like 10 cats! :biggrin: However, back in December, Smoky got ill and died, and Indy, my cat not the poster, ran off with a girlfriend, so he's gone too. Now it's just Sugar and Tibbles, 2 insane gray tabbies.

[Yillara Skye 1]

Used to have either 13 or 15, darn I lost count(we gave most of them away)... Currently we have one 11 year old, that swears she's a kitten! We lost our other 2 cats to leukemia (1998, 2002).

 

But yes, even though I do not drink...getting the cat to take a pill could drive you to the bottle! Rates up there with trying to give them a bath! We gave up by turning on the shower, placing the cat in there, closing the door and then ducking as the cat would leap out over the door and onto anyone they could sink their claws into!

[mrskirk 0]

But yes, even though I do not drink...getting the cat to take a pill could drive you to the bottle! Rates up there with trying to give them a bath! We gave up by turning on the shower, placing the cat in there, closing the door and then ducking as the cat would leap out over the door and onto anyone they could sink their claws into!

You think THAT'S funny, try a cat and a Houdini hamster in the same household. I call the hamster Houdini because no matter what I did, that little varmit always managed to find his way out of the cage! My son stil remembers the night he was awakened by a rukus in the house. He emerged from his bedroom to find the hamster being chased by the cat, and the cat being chased by me, still soaking wet because I was interrupted halfway through what I thought would be a relaxing bath!

[Yillara Skye 1]

But yes, even though I do not drink...getting the cat to take a pill could drive you to the bottle! Rates up there with trying to give them a bath! We gave up by turning on the shower, placing the cat in there, closing the door and then ducking as the cat would leap out over the door and onto anyone they could sink their claws into!

You think THAT'S funny, try a cat and a Houdini hamster in the same household. I call the hamster Houdini because no matter what I did, that little varmit always managed to find his way out of the cage! My son stil remembers the night he was awakened by a rukus in the house. He emerged from his bedroom to find the hamster being chased by the cat, and the cat being chased by me, still soaking wet because I was interrupted halfway through what I thought would be a relaxing bath!

OMG! you're right that IS a scream!! :biggrin:

 

 

I have had cats throughout my life...at the same time as fish, hampsters, gerbils, birds.. I think the funniest situation of all with our pets was when Crystal, my cat...jumped up on my brother's desk and sat on top of his birds' cage. She wasn't attacking them or even trying to bug them, just wanted a quiet place to sleep. It was funny, but unfortunately my brother did not agree with me...

[TrekkieMage 0]

LOL!

 

Try giving a dog ear drops...I just had to do that to my dog a little while ago. Poor old girl got a yeast infection in her ear, when we first started giving her the drops, it took two of us to hold her down (she's part German Shepard and who knows what else, BIG dog :biggrin: )

[dsbs 0]

Flick pill down throat with elastic band. - My favourite method!

 

This was one of the funniest things I have ever read, lol!

[Riaan 0]

OMG, Lollypop! That's hysterical. I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything 'cause I would be cleaning my screen right about now!

:) :)