Lollypop 0 Posted July 11, 2003 HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL 1. Pick up the cat and cradle it lovingly in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat lovingly in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth, and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in a large towel and get partner to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-aid to partner's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave the head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie the little bugger's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of raw fish. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill. 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table. 15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters. HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL 1. Wrap it in cheese. ____________________________________________________________ "Keep in mind that to a dog, you're family; to a cat, you're staff." -- Ron Dentinger Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Jean-Luc Picard 1 Posted July 11, 2003 :biggrin: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A l t e r E g o 9 Posted July 11, 2003 Where is the part about the antiseptic and band-aids? :biggrin: Oh yeah, the beer and scotch. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chataeya 0 Posted July 11, 2003 :biggrin: And to think my Mother has 5 of them. Pill time, oops, I'm gone. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Jean-Luc Picard 1 Posted July 11, 2003 We once had like 10 cats! :biggrin: However, back in December, Smoky got ill and died, and Indy, my cat not the poster, ran off with a girlfriend, so he's gone too. Now it's just Sugar and Tibbles, 2 insane gray tabbies. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yillara Skye 1 Posted July 11, 2003 Used to have either 13 or 15, darn I lost count(we gave most of them away)... Currently we have one 11 year old, that swears she's a kitten! We lost our other 2 cats to leukemia (1998, 2002). But yes, even though I do not drink...getting the cat to take a pill could drive you to the bottle! Rates up there with trying to give them a bath! We gave up by turning on the shower, placing the cat in there, closing the door and then ducking as the cat would leap out over the door and onto anyone they could sink their claws into! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrskirk 0 Posted July 11, 2003 But yes, even though I do not drink...getting the cat to take a pill could drive you to the bottle! Rates up there with trying to give them a bath! We gave up by turning on the shower, placing the cat in there, closing the door and then ducking as the cat would leap out over the door and onto anyone they could sink their claws into! You think THAT'S funny, try a cat and a Houdini hamster in the same household. I call the hamster Houdini because no matter what I did, that little varmit always managed to find his way out of the cage! My son stil remembers the night he was awakened by a rukus in the house. He emerged from his bedroom to find the hamster being chased by the cat, and the cat being chased by me, still soaking wet because I was interrupted halfway through what I thought would be a relaxing bath! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yillara Skye 1 Posted July 11, 2003 But yes, even though I do not drink...getting the cat to take a pill could drive you to the bottle! Rates up there with trying to give them a bath! We gave up by turning on the shower, placing the cat in there, closing the door and then ducking as the cat would leap out over the door and onto anyone they could sink their claws into! You think THAT'S funny, try a cat and a Houdini hamster in the same household. I call the hamster Houdini because no matter what I did, that little varmit always managed to find his way out of the cage! My son stil remembers the night he was awakened by a rukus in the house. He emerged from his bedroom to find the hamster being chased by the cat, and the cat being chased by me, still soaking wet because I was interrupted halfway through what I thought would be a relaxing bath! OMG! you're right that IS a scream!! :biggrin: I have had cats throughout my life...at the same time as fish, hampsters, gerbils, birds.. I think the funniest situation of all with our pets was when Crystal, my cat...jumped up on my brother's desk and sat on top of his birds' cage. She wasn't attacking them or even trying to bug them, just wanted a quiet place to sleep. It was funny, but unfortunately my brother did not agree with me... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TrekkieMage 0 Posted July 11, 2003 LOL! Try giving a dog ear drops...I just had to do that to my dog a little while ago. Poor old girl got a yeast infection in her ear, when we first started giving her the drops, it took two of us to hold her down (she's part German Shepard and who knows what else, BIG dog :biggrin: ) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dsbs 0 Posted July 24, 2003 Flick pill down throat with elastic band. - My favourite method! This was one of the funniest things I have ever read, lol! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Riaan 0 Posted July 29, 2003 OMG, Lollypop! That's hysterical. I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything 'cause I would be cleaning my screen right about now! :) :) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites