Takara_Soong 4 Posted July 9, 2003 Mrs. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect her husband's test results. The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your husband to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's results. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible!" "What do you mean?" "Well, one Mr. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband." "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once." "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The HMO recommends that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him." -------------------------------------------------------------- Never try to outsmart a woman… A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box? We're leaving from the office so I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish? He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?" The wife replies, "I did, they were in your tackle box." ------------------------------------------------------------ Newspaper must love unexpected humor from the public. Here are a few real classified ads run in various newspaper across the country. Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites. Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. Free puppies... part German shepherd, part stupid dog. German shepherd, 85 lbs. neutered. Speaks German. Free. Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out awhile... better be a rewardout awhile 1-man, 7-woman hot tub - $850/or best offer Snow blower for sale... only used on snowy days. Cows, calves never bred... also 1 gay bull for sale. Nordictrack $300 hardly used, call Chubby. Hummers - largest selection ever - "If it's in stock, we have it!" Georgia peaches, California grown - 89 cents/lb. Nice parachute: never opened - used once. Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour. Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer, $300. Alzheimer's center prepares for an affair to remember. Open house: body shapers toning salon. Free coffee and donuts. For sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TrekkieMage 0 Posted July 9, 2003 Hee! I love the never try to outsmart a woman!! Lol! :lol: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yillara Skye 1 Posted July 9, 2003 LOL to all of them...but the never outsmart a woman one- ROFL!!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chataeya 0 Posted July 11, 2003 :biggrin: Love the "Never outsmart a Women" ROTFLMAO........and the "For Sale" ad. :lol: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dsbs 0 Posted July 24, 2003 Nice parachute: never opened - used once ROFL! This is completely off topic, but I found it amusing: I was doing a search for friends season 5 to see if it was on it's way to being released or anything, and this is the response it gave me: We found no matches for "Friends season 5" . Below are results for "saxon". Thank you amazon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Riaan 0 Posted July 28, 2003 Those are great! I love "Never try to outsmart a woman..." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A l t e r E g o 9 Posted July 28, 2003 :rotf: The fishing joke reminded me of the time we spent a weekend at Frozen Lake Canada, it's just over the border above Montana. The fishing was so good there; they would bite bare hooks that had only been rubbed with bait, that was the best fishing ever! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
