Let's have a really good laugh

[KIMIMELA 1]

Hello, everyone, why don't we brighten the place up and have a really good laugh? Why not post some jokes or something funny that happened today? We need a good laugh!

 

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(Folks, like usual, please don't ignore my threads )

[KIMIMELA 1]

 What is red and green and goes 100 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender

 

 

A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room asks the doctor if he'll be okay. The doctor turns to him and says, "Well, there is good and bad news."

"Tell me the bad news" says the man.

"Well," says the doctor, "the bad news is that we are going to half to cut both your legs off."

"Oh my God," cries the man, "what the hell is the good news?"

"The good news is," replies the doctor, "see that man over there? He wants to buy your shoes."

 

 

A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking of various ways to improve her business. She thought perhaps a good way to do it would be to emulate the success of the fashion store across the street which had done very well with it's new "Buy 1, Get 1 Free" deal. Soon, a man walks in.

"I would like a coffin for my father. But these coffins are very expensive!"

"Well, sir, you'll be happy to know we have a 'Buy 1, Get 1 Free' deal!"

The customer left.

 

 

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.

The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?"

And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"

 

 

One day a blonde went into a department store.

She said to the owner, "Can I buy that T.V.?"

The owner replies, "No, you're a blonde".

Next day the blonde comes into the same shop with black hair and says, "Can I buy that T.V.?"

The shop keeper says "No, you're a blonde."

Next day the blonde comes in with pink hair and says, "Can I buy that T.V.?"

The owner says, "No, you're a blonde."

Then the blonde goes, "How do you know I'm blonde?"

He replies, "Because it's a microwave."

 

 

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?

She heard the drinks were on the house.

 

 

What a woman says:

“This place is a mess! C'mon,

you and I need to clean up,

Your stuff is lying on the floor

and you'll have no clothes to wear.

if we don't do laundry right now!”

What a man hears:

“blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON

blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I

blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR

blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES

blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW”

[hangon 3]

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I dont ignore your threads.

 

One day a blonde went into a department store.

She said to the owner, "Can I buy that T.V.?"

The owner replies, "No, you're a blonde".

Next day the blonde comes into the same shop with black hair and says, "Can I buy that T.V.?"

The shop keeper says "No, you're a blonde."

Next day the blonde comes in with pink hair and says, "Can I buy that T.V.?"

The owner says, "No, you're a blonde."

Then the blonde goes, "How do you know I'm blonde?"

He replies, "Because it's a microwave."

 

LMAO this one is going world wide when i have finished with it

[KIMIMELA 1]

Click For Spoiler

I dont ignore your threads.

 

One day a blonde went into a department store.

She said to the owner, "Can I buy that T.V.?"

The owner replies, "No, you're a blonde".

Next day the blonde comes into the same shop with black hair and says, "Can I buy that T.V.?"

The shop keeper says "No, you're a blonde."

Next day the blonde comes in with pink hair and says, "Can I buy that T.V.?"

The owner says, "No, you're a blonde."

Then the blonde goes, "How do you know I'm blonde?"

He replies, "Because it's a microwave."

 

LMAO this one is going world wide when i have finished with it

343937[/snapback]

 

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I know you don't ignore them, but normally after your post people ignore

 

I'll have to share some of these myself *grabs mobile-phone*

[Yillara Skye 1]

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.

The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?"

And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"

*spits soda* :) :) I think I gotta share this joke with a few people.