Terms & Phrases all PC users need

[Lollypop 0]

Computer Terms

 

586: The average IQ needed to understand a PC

 

State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.

 

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

 

Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

 

G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago."

 

Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

 

Hard Drive:The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

 

GUI (pronounced "gooey"): What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it.

 

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

 

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

 

Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

 

Portable Computer:A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

 

Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

 

System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

 

 

"Layman's Computer Terms"

 

BIT: A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer cost quite a bit."

 

BOOT: What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skills.

 

BUG: What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: what computer magazine companies do to you after they get your name on their mailing list.

 

CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.

 

COPY: What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time at the computer and not enough time studying.

 

CURSOR: What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in "You $#% computer!"

 

DISK: What goes out in your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.

 

DUMP: The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install your computer.

 

ERROR: What you made the first time you walked into a computer showroom to "just look."

 

EXPANSION UNIT: The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.

 

FILE: What your secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.

 

FLOPPY: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see Chips").

 

HARDWARE: Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.

 

IBM: The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you'll pay attention to them again.

 

MENU: What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.

 

MONITOR: Often thought to be a word associated with computers, this word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall pass at school.

 

PROGRAMS: Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up to it.

 

RETURN: What lots of people do with their computers after only a week and a half.

 

TERMINAL: A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers.

 

WINDOW: What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.

[RikerChick 5]

[bevfanK 0]

lol :)

[TrekkieMage 0]

LMAO!!!! :) :) :) :)

[A l t e r E g o 9]

I blew half chewed Pringles across the screen at "CHIPS"! It is uncanny how accurate so many them are.

[TrekkieMage 0]

I blew half chewed Pringles across the screen at "CHIPS"! It is uncanny how accurate so many them are.

LOL! :)

[Takara_Soong 4]

That was hilarious Lollypop!!!

[Lollypop 0]

I blew half chewed Pringles across the screen at "CHIPS"! It is uncanny how accurate so many them are.

I too, can relate to many of them. :)

[Xeroc 0]

WINDOW: What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.

LOL!!!

[cassidy 0]

:) :) :) LMAO!!! :) :) :)

[fredbroca 0]

LMAO :) :)

[Goose 0]

Stardate:213463.1

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: The Window one i felt like doing yesterday after i accidenty deleted a game i downloaded off of Kazaa that took a day and a half.

[Sarah 0]

that is SOOOOOOOOOOOO true

LOL

[ddillard 2]

These are hilarious, especially from my point of view as a computer tech. Especially considering I have actually heard them from some customers that thought they were accurate.