Instructions For The Mark Ii Hand Phaser

[Jim Phaserman 0]

Instructions for the MARK II HAND PHASER

Congratulations on your choice of the MARK II HAND PHASER. This compact unit will provide years of faithful service under the most rugged conditions. It is with the MARK II HAND PHASER which Starfleet and the fabled crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise (1701-A) are outfitted. Now it is available for you to use.

 

 

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Unpacking:

Before opening the box, inspect it for damage. It was three dimensional when it left the factory. If it is no longer that way please contact your local transporter company and have them restore it to its original dimensions.

 

Take off the lid, and examine the contents. You will find a static force field holding your MARK II HAND PHASER in place. Release the field before attempting to remove the phaser.

 

License:

Prior to usage of your new MARK II HAND PHASER you must license it with the proper authorities. Once licensed, you will recieve a security card. Insert this card into the base of your unit. It will then automatically power up. If you do not live in a place where security cards are used just press the security system override button beside the card slot.

 

Disclaimer:

We, Phaser Works, can not be held liable by you, the consumer, for any incident caused directly, or indirectly, by the MARK II HAND PHASER.

 

Usage:

Your new MARK II HAND PHASER is a versatile piece of equipment. The following are some of the various things you can do with it:

 

Subduing life forms

Set the phaser at its lowest power setting. Then give the life form you wish to subdue a short burst. It will become docile and easier to manage, yet still remain unharmed and concious.

Stunning life forms

Set the phaser to the appropriate stun power setting for the life form in question. Give the subject a brief burst, the length of which will dictate how long the subject will remain unconcious.

Killing life forms

Set the phaser to the appropriate kill power for the life form in question. Aim. Pull trigger.

Annihilating objects

Set the phaser's power setting to maximum. Aim. Pull trigger.

Explosions

Position the power setting knob to overload. Thirty seconds later the phaser itself will explode. The blast created by a MARK II HAND PHASER on overload has an effective blast radius of 135 meters. Please write to Phaser Works and purchase a replacement phaser after this happens as your original one will occupy a rapidly expanding volume of space.

Heating objects

Set the power setting to medium, and the beam width to wide. Then fire at the object you wish to warm. The length of the blast will dictate the extent of warming.

Signaling

Set the power to full, and the beam width to narrow. Fire into the sky. The vertical beam will be visible for miles around.

Intimidation

The sight of the MARK II HAND PHASER sitting in its holster on your hip often helps in resolving disagreements bebore they begin.

Maintenance:

The MARK II HAND PHASER does not need maintenance or servicing as it is self sufficient. The matter-antimatter battery should NOT be opened or recharged by trained and valuble Phaser Works service personnel. Other companies are welcome to try.

 

 

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Do not be afraid to experiment with your new MARK II HAND PHASER.

 

--Survive and Succeed!

[WEAREBORG4102 0]

[scaleman 0]

What happened to using sarium krellide power crystals?

[BakulaBabe 2]

ROTFLMAO!

[Beam me up 0]

That's great! LOL!