LIFE CHANGING....................

[Jeanway 0]

I have found that the things that change my life aren't so much the things I had planned, but more the things that just happen. Situations arise and the way I handle them makes all the difference. I wish I could come up with a couple examples right now but I can't. Later I will. Is this FATE? CaptWright can you help me out here? Or anyone else, I don't care. :) I'm just kind of feeling inflective today. :) O.K.?

[cptwright 1]

well i dont know if i can help, but i know that the more i tried to change my life, the more it changed me. im trying to just go with the flow of it now, and see where it takes me. i do take initiative with things, but i dont try to force the change anymore, i didnt like who i was becoming. im slowly getting back to a better place with who i am, and have accepted that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, its just unfortunate that it takes a while sometime to figure out the reason. but i know that everything that has happened in my life through the last year is all for the BEST, and leading to MUCH BETTER THINGS FOR MY LIFE. does this help in anyway?

[Jeanway 0]

well i dont know if i can help, but i know that the more i tried to change my life, the more it changed me. im trying to just go with the flow of it now, and see where it takes me. i do take initiative with things, but i dont try to force the change anymore, i didnt like who i was becoming. im slowly getting back to a better place with who i am, and have accepted that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, its just unfortunate that it takes a while sometime to figure out the reason. but i know that everything that has happened in my life through the last year is all for the BEST, and leading to MUCH BETTER THINGS FOR MY LIFE. does this help in anyway?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does it help you?

[nik 0]

(Note: opinion only)

 

We all like to think we are in control. We invent axioms to the effect that life is is a ship that we guide ourselves. If that is true, then who do we credit for things that we do not anticipate? Things like the unexpected death of a friend can cause us to go from believing that we are the masters of our ship to thinking that our vessel is to be cast upon the rocks. Is this a life changing event?

 

If life is what we make it, then is anything that is not made by us is not life? I would

argue that if life is what me make, then the items outside of our control (not made by

us) do indeed change what we make, and thus are life-changing events. However, can we change our own lives with our actions.

 

A great person once said, "I am convinced that life is 1% what happens to me, and 99% how I react to it." Jeanway, I bet you know who said that.

 

Example: The death of the one person in the world who I was convinced was the only person in the world who really understood me. Unplanned. Reaction: Initial anquish and severe depression followed by a decisive effort to honor this person in my own life.

Principle: Death was immediate and quick. The reaction continues.

 

(Yeah, I know, that sounds corny, but it's a tough question.)

[stoned_vulcan 0]

I have found that the things that change my life aren't so much the things I had planned

 

how can something you plan change your life?

[cptwright 1]

well i dont know if i can help, but i know that the more i tried to change my life, the more it changed me. im trying to just go with the flow of it now, and see where it takes me. i do take initiative with things, but i dont try to force the change anymore, i didnt like who i was becoming. im slowly getting back to a better place with who i am, and have accepted that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, its just unfortunate that it takes a while sometime to figure out the reason. but i know that everything that has happened in my life through the last year is all for the BEST, and leading to MUCH BETTER THINGS FOR MY LIFE. does this help in anyway?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does it help you?

i would have to say yes. i am getting to be in a better mood more, am actually learning to like being single again. like last night i had a great time with some new friends. nik it is true how that a lot of it is how you react to it. i just had to take in a whole lot all at once, and i am, was, a person that hates change, but i have actually come to like change, and the whole not knowing thing is pretty cool. ive met some great people. some of which are here on stf.net and some other friends ive met through my sister, and with my new crappy job, i have at least met some cool people. ITS ALL GOOD. :)

[mj 7]

I have found that the things that change my life aren't so much the things I had planned

 

how can something you plan change your life?

Planned changes can include strivng to earn an advanced degree or getting married. Those are often planned changes in your life, they really change your living situation and affect you and cause you to grow and change.

 

But I think the point some are trying to make is that the unplanned unexpected events in your life are what bring about fundamental change, force you to examine your whole view of life, force you to contend with why you even go on living, and often cause you to revisit those conclusions as you continue the trek through life.

 

It has been ten years since I lost the one person in this world to whom I was special. I have a large loving, family but I was only special to one of them. The physical world has a whole different "feel" with her not in it. I have learned to live in such a world through growth in my religous faith. But that growth was fueled by the unexpected stark change.

[ARMS 0]

I met my gf and my whole life changed, i became dependent on her presence, so much so it set back my plans...

 

THINGS JUST HAPPEN, UNPLANNED

[Theunicornhunter 2]

I have found that the things that change my life aren't so much the things I had planned

 

how can something you plan change your life?

Example: having a child - many people plan or put great effort into having that child yet nothing will change their life like that responsibility.

 

 

************

 

To answer the original question - I think the decisions I make change me more than unexpected events. Unexpected events may change my circumstances - like getting laid off may affect where I live or how much money to spend. But decisions I have made regarding pursuing certain endeavors or developing skills, or even modifying behavior change me - in addition to or instead of changing my circumstances.

 

I think we all have different ideas of what life is, what our purpose is etc. So it is difficult to give an answer based on my beliefs because they may be different than yours. However, basically I believe we can't foresee the future so we can't plan for every eventuality but we can develop the faith, resilience or resourcefulness that will help up us meet any circumstance.

 

I have had periods of life when I was not proactive but let "life" happen to me. I felt like driftwood on a troubled ocean. I am not saying we can always "solve" all the situations that come to us but we can continue moving forward despite the hurdles. The key is to know what your ultimate goal is.

 

I hope that makes sense.

[cptwright 1]

well UH i think you hit right on the head. the planned or purposful actions that we take, wether it was pre planned or not, are the most significant in our life. me leaving my wife has had the most impact in my life, changing everything i have known for 15 years radically. but now, it was definately a good thing to do. the second is my decision to move to VA, im not there yet but i already feel the affects. its scarry but great, makes ya feel alive. so something planned, can be the biggests life changing event in your life.

 

and UH i also was feeling like a peice of driftwood going with life letting it pass me by. i look back now and wonder how i could do that, lifes too short ya really need to take it by the reigns and TAKE IT FOR A RIDE. im learning that now, and i am trying more and more to just have fun with it, while at the same time trying to make positive change, and adjustments in my life now.

[Jeanway 0]

I have found that the things that change my life aren't so much the things I had planned

 

how can something you plan change your life?

 

 

 

 

That was an incomplete quote sv, you left out the last half, which would make it clear what I meant. I meant, I can plan things but usually those things are just my ideas. It's the things that happen to me, outside of my control that make the biggest changes in my life. It's like I don't run the whole show, understand? There are other forces at work.

[Jeanway 0]

nik, i'm not dragging that whole quote down here. Was it Chuck Swindoll your thinking of, the Evangelist? At first I wanted to say Will Rogers but I figured, NOT. :) Had to be someone more recent, since we are getting more and more introspective in our thinking the past 10 years. Am I right? Now quit with the chop busting Go conjugate some verbs :) :)

Edited April 27, 2004 by Jeanway

[nik 0]

nik, i'm not dragging that whole quote down here.  Was it Chuck Swindoll your thinking of, the Evangelist?  At first I wanted to say Will Rogers but I figured, NOT. :) Had to be someone more recent, since we are getting more and more introspective in our thinking the past 10 years. Am I right?  Now quit with the chop busting :) Go conjugate some verbs B) 

The 99% thing was indeed a quote by Chuck Swindoll, although Eleanor Roosevelt may have said it at one time or another. Not bad Jeanway!

[mj 7]

I think we all have different ideas of what life is, what our purpose is etc. So it is difficult to give an answer based on my beliefs because they may be different than yours. However, basically I believe we can't foresee the future so we can't plan for every eventuality but we can develop the faith, resilience or resourcefulness that will help up us meet any circumstance.

 

Very true, TUH. And every new life experience causes us to develop new tools for coping with the next. My sister's death helped me be prepared for my father's passing. And faith is a soothing balm.

[Jeanway 0]

You know, this thread is really exposing us all. We all seem to be bearing our souls in here, this is nice. :) Very touching stuff. But just let me add this one thing about things being unplanned. There is a game in here that, hmm, how to say this, if I could bottle what happens in this game. Let me tell you, the things people come up with on the spur of the moment, that send me and i'm sure the other players into hysterics, is unplanned. Try to re-create these same conditions, it's just not the same. HHMMmm, I think it has to do with all the planets lining up in the right order :) things out of our control, they just happen. A simple analogy , I know, but it illustrates just what I'm talking about in very simple terms. so many things are out of our control But in this case, I'm kind of glad B) :o