Tell me what u think of this..

[misfits69 0]

Hi, i didn't exactly no where to put this but, i wanted your guys' imput on it. It's a poem i just wrote, and its supposed to be getting published, and i can win up to $10 000!! wuwu!! well anyways, tell me what u think...

 

...But home is nowhere:

we held hands on the last night on earth. Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under the trees, sreaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves. It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated at the bottom of the river. So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner." The sky had come crashing down like an intimate suicide. We picked up the shards and formed them into the shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime. I asked you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would accompany me in a quik fall. but you made me realize my ticket wasnt good enough for two. I rode alone. You said, "The cinders are falling like snow." There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence. Of blue and grey. Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city. The sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines. Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward, and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.

 

ya ya, i no its depressing, but dont worry i'm not suicidal nor am i depressed, lol. Well thanx for lookin it over and i'm lookin forward to ur replies. L8er Sk8ers Caitlin

 

(code tags fixed and topic moved to fan art)

Edited March 29, 2004 by Alterego

[BakulaBabe 2]

WOW! This is excellent - I absolutely love it! My dark side is very pleased. :o I look forward to reading more of your poetry - please say you have more!

 

Off topic discussions might be a good place for poetry, unless there's a poetry thread already. If not, your poem would be a good way to start one.

[mj 7]

My question would be whether or not you present the poem in this manner. Is the way you wrote it here part of the presentation...is it presented in one big lump like the way you wrote it above? Is it one of those "stream of consciousness" type of approaches? If yes, I must say I did not really follow it, and I did not reread it, because if you miss a line, it is hard to locate what you missed....the eye gets lost in its travels. The imagery is interesting and compelling.

 

Probably you will find your poem beamed to Off-Topic discussions when the mods wake up.

[Stelfan 0]

A very well-written poem, you are a great writer! However I also share mjhams opinion that you should present it different because it is pretty tough to read..

[misfits69 0]

well thanx for ur reply's. no i did not write it in that form for the contest, i just wrote it like that on hear cuz i didnt no how much stuff i could put on one post, lol srry if it was tough to read. And yes, i do have lots more poems. if u'd like to here more just tell me and i'll put more on, well thanx again. l8er sk8ers

 

Caitlin

[Jeanway 0]

Excellent! I was right there in it. I know exactly what you were saying. We have a writers thread. Look for it. Looking forward to seeing more of your stuff. Gives me the courage to my sort of oblique style up in here too. Thanks. I really loved it.

[afi_battousai 0]

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU! THAT IS NOT YOUR POEM! THAT IS FROM THE BAND AFI (A FIRE INSIDE) HOW DARE YOU TRY TO PULL THAT OFF AS YOUR OWN. TRYING TO GET SATISFACTION FROM SOMETHING YOU DIDNT WRITE. I AM APPALLED. DAVEY HAVOK IS THE BEST SONG WRITER I HAVE EVER HEARD! TO ALL OF YOU WHO BELIEVED THIS KID FOR TRYING TO LOOK LIKE A DEEP POET, TYPE IN PART OF THE POEM IN GOOGLE AND YOU WILL SEE WHO IT LEADS TO...

 

A DEDICATED AFI FAN