Zen Wisdom

[Theunicornhunter 2]

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do

not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me,

either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

 

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a

broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

 

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're

going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

 

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be

replaced, you can't be promoted.

 

5. No one is listening until you say something

stupid.

 

6. Always remember you're unique. Just like

everyone else.

 

7. Never test the depth of the water with both

feet.

 

8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try

missing a couple of car payments.

 

9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a

mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a

mile away and you have their shoes.

 

10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is

not for you.

 

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all

day.

 

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that

person again, it was probably worth it.

 

13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to

remember anything.

 

14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are

the windshield.

 

15. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first

time.

 

16. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a

lot of that comes from bad judgment.

 

17. The quickest way to double your money is to

fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

 

18. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

 

19. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light

side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

 

20. There are two theories to arguing with women.

Neither one works.

 

21. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much

when your lips are moving.

 

22. Experience is something you don't get until

just after you need it.

 

23. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

 

24. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get

slapped on our butt ... then things get worse.

 

25. Never, under any circumstances, take a

sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

 

26. There is a fine line between a 'hobby' and

'mental illness'.

 

27. No matter what happens, somebody will find a

way to take it too seriously.

 

28. There comes a time when you should stop

expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday ... around age 11. (You get to start again at age 100.)

 

29. Everyone seems normal until you get to know

them.

[cassidy 0]

LMAO!! that's awesome!

[Validus 0]

As a Buddhist I approve. :)