Top Ten w/ Schwarzenegger

[master_q 0]

Top Ten Arnold Schwarzenegger Debate Conditions:

 

10. Questions may be answered in English, German, or a combination of both

 

9. Long breaks to allow screenwriters to craft candidates' responses

 

8. Debate ends when gasoline truck plows through wall and Arnold gets everyone out just before the whole place blows up

 

7. Candidates may use their time to show 90-second clip from "Terminator"

 

6. No tricky words like "budget" or "Sacramento"

 

5. Attire -- bathing suit and baby oil

 

4. Candidate receives standard 30-million dollar fee, plus 10 percent of box office gross

 

3. Moderator -- Lou Ferrigno

 

2. No questions that can't be answered "I'll be back"

 

1. Arnold must win

 

 

Top Ten Reasons Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Not Running For Governor of California

 

10. Name wouldn't fit on campaign button

 

9. Robot from future killed his campaign manager

 

8. After you're "Mr. Universe," "Governor of California" seems kinda lame

 

7. Week-long budget talks would leave no time to work on his pecs

 

6. Can't spell governor

 

5. Has decided to run for Hulk instead

 

4. Rumor that they test gubernatorial candidates for steroids

 

3. Decided he only wants jobs where it's appropriate to be "oiled up"

 

2. Realized his questionable background and dumb-guy reputation would better qualify him to be president

 

1. Didn't want to take a 29-million dollar pay cut

 

 

Top Ten Arnold Schwarzenegger Campaign Promises

 

10. "To do for politics what I did for acting"

 

9. "Combine the intelligence of George Bush with the sexual appetite of Clinton"

 

8. "A heaping tablespoon of Joe Weider's 'Dynamic Body Shaper' in every pot"

 

7. "Every freeway gets a dedicated car chase lane"

 

6. "Seek advice from elder political statesmen like Jesse Ventura"

 

5. "Crack down on schools graduating students who can't bench-press 180 pounds"

 

4. "Solemnly swear to support the Constitution of Gold's Gym"

 

3. "Goofiest-named governor since Pataki"

 

2. "Raise the minimum age for dating Demi Moore"

 

1. "Speak directly to the voters in clear, honest, broken English"

 

 

Top Ten Things Overheard at Schwarzenegger Campaign Headquarters

 

10. "It's pronounced 'Gu-ber-na-tor-ee-al'"

 

9. "Your wife called to say there's no way in hell she's voting for you"

 

8. "Kids don't need subsidized school lunches -- they need mass-building protein power supplements"

 

7. "Remember, when you're shaking hands, ease up if you hear cracking"

 

6. "Good news! Lou Ferrigno just endorsed us!"

 

5. "Don't worry -- Mars isn't close enough to hurt you"

 

4. "I'm not sure saying 'Hasta la vista, baby' constitutes an outreach to Hispanic voters"

 

3. "Who's the actor who plays Gray Davis?"

 

2. "Arnold got his head caught in the Soloflex again"

 

1. "You've lived here for 35 years. Why do you have an accent?"

 

 

Master Q

StarTrek_Master_Q@yahoo.com

Edited September 13, 2003 by master_q

[Goose 0]

Stardate:213699.9

 

 

 

Nice MQ LOL.

[Riaan 0]

Very, very funny Master Q. Thanks for the laugh!