Star Trek Groaners

[Goose 0]

Stardate:213537.1

 

 

Star Trek Groaners.

 

Question: Where do Star Trek fans go to lift weights?

Answer: The "He's dead, Gym"!

 

Question: How many ears does Picard have?

Answer: Three. A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.

 

Question: What did Picard say as Data struggled to repair the Marclosian Stitching Machine?

Answer: "Make it sew."

 

Question: What did the first officer answer when Picard asked "Why did you let Troi win at poker?"

Answer: "Because I Riker."

 

Question: What did the blonde Klingon say?

Answer: "It was a good day to dye."

 

Question: What is Thomas Riker's dating philosophy?

Answer: "If at first you don't succeed, try Troi again."

 

Question: What do you get if you cross a borg with a black magic marker?

Answer: A borg with a big black X on it.

 

Question: What did Worf say when small ice asteroids began hitting the Enterprise hull?

Answer: "Captain, we are being hailed."

 

Question: What did Will Riker say when he discovered that he had a transporter duplicate?

Answer: "We're Number One! We're Number One!"

 

Question: Why are Beverly Crusher, Worf, and Deanna Troi similar?

Answer: Because one's a Doc, one's a Worf, and one's a Marina.

 

Question: What does Major Kira's emergency signal sound like?

Answer: NANA NANA NANA NANA.

 

Question: Did you hear about the singing contest for young men at Starfleet Academy?

Answer: It's called the Kirk Tenor Prize.

 

Question: How many of the Enterprise's senior officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: All of them. One to screw it in, and the rest to debate the moral implications.

 

Question: What did LaForge say when his girlfriend asked him what to wear on their date?

Answer: "I'm BLIND!"

 

Question: What did Lore use to kill Data's cat?

Answer:Spot remover.

 

Question: What do you call it when that Strategic Operations Officer on DS9 runs as fast as he can?

Answer: Worf Speed.

 

Question: Why couldn't Kira get permanent quarters on DS9?

Answer: Because everybody knew she was a Visitor.

 

Question: What did the senior staff of DS9 sing when Kira was packing to leave

at the beginning of "The Circle"?

Answer: Nana, Nana . . . Nana, Nana . . . Hey, hey, hey, goodbye!

 

Question: What do you do if O'Brien refuses to fix your ship after you dock at DS9?

Answer: Colm Meaney. (For those of you who don't know "Colm" isn't pronounced "Kohlm." It's pronounced more like "column.")

 

Question: What is Sisko's favorite breakfast?

Answer: Quarker Oates.

 

Question: How would B'Elana Torres introduce her significant other?

Answer: I'd like you to meet my better third.

 

Question: What do you get when Gul Dukat kills off his half-Bajoran, half-Cardassian daughter?

Answer: Bacardi on ice.

 

Question: Did you hear that the crew of the Enterprise is getting married?

Answer: They have engaged the Borg.

 

Question: What do you get when you cross Lwaxana Troi with the bridge of a Starfleet vessel?

Answer: An empty bridge

 

Question: Did you hear that Jonathan Frakes is starring in a remake of an old

James Bond movie?

Answer: It's called Moonriker.

 

Question: What did the Jamaican say to the Ferengi captain who was visiting Earth?

Answer: Have a nice Dai Mon.

 

Question: What do you get when you throw the casing of an unborn chicken at Quark's nephew?

Answer: Egg Nog.

 

"Knock-knock"

"Who's there?"

"Geordi!"

"Geordi who?"

"Didn't Geordi ask me that?"

 

Question: What would the communication officer of DS9 say to Captain Sisko when a person is going on and on on the fifth channel of communications?

Answer: Sir Babylon 5.

 

Question: How many TOS landing party members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but the extra red-shirt will die in the attempt. :( (My favorite)

 

Question: How many Voyager crew members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: However many it takes, you can be sure a shuttlecraft will be destroyed during the attempt.

[JTKirk1 0]

LOL!!! That's some funny stuff!! :(

[Yillara Skye 1]

Those are hysterical!

[TrekkieMage 0]

LOL! Those were hillarious! :(

[removed 0]

lol. those are great! ive got one:

 

QUESTION: What did Worf say when he saw Jean-Luc Picard floating in the toilet?

ANSWER: Captains' Log. :o

 

ok. that was a bit much. i apologize.

[dsbs 0]

These are great :( :(

 

My favourites:

 

Question: What did the first officer answer when Picard asked "Why did you let Troi win at poker?"

Answer: "Because I Riker."

 

Question: What is Thomas Riker's dating philosophy?

Answer: "If at first you don't succeed, try Troi again." :(

 

Bysty, that was hilarious, but disgusting

[bevfanK 0]

Question: What is Thomas Riker's dating philosophy?

Answer: "If at first you don't succeed, try Troi again."

:( :(

 

Those are great.. :(

[A Z 0]

lol. those are great! ive got one:

 

QUESTION: What did Worf say when he saw Jean-Luc Picard floating in the toilet?

ANSWER: Captains' Log.  :unsure:

 

ok. that was a bit much. i apologize. 

lol!!! what you didn't think i'd laugh at toilet humor at my age?

[barry 0]

Brilliant

[Riaan 0]

Those are great! And they ARE groaners!

 

My favorite:

Question: What do you get when you cross Lwaxana Troi with the bridge of a Starfleet vessel?

Answer: An empty bridge.