Goose 0 Posted July 15, 2003 Stardate:213537.1 Star Trek meets Windows 95 "Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the MicroSoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel." "Captain, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL." "Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?" "Captain, are you surrrrre you want to rrrreplace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!" "Scotty, that's an order." "Aye Captain, but she's just not ready. She needs a proper beta shakedown." "That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?" "We're on disk 5, sir." "Good. Spock?" "Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt." "Then Spock, can you tell me why it is saying it can't use the Microsoft sound card, which works fine as configured under Windows 3.1?" "Unknown, Captain." "Will it use a ProAudio Spectrum?" "Unknown, Captain." "How about a Sound Blaster?" "Unknown, Captain." "What good are you, anyway?" "Box-office attraction, Captain." "Bones?" "I'm a doctor - not a hardware technician." "Spock, cancel the Microsoft sound card and install the ProAudio Spectrum. Chekov, finish the software installation. Sulu, reboot the system when it's ready and prepare to go to task speed on my signal." "Aye, aye, Captain." "Chekov?" "We've just entered the desktop zone, Captain." "Captain, she canna take it much more. Another 15 sectors and the engines'll burn up fer surrrrre." "Scotty, we haven't even started yet." "Sorry, Captain, I just haven't had a line in so long..." "Sulu, go to task 1. Bring up the README.TXT in the notepad." "Aye, Captain." "Wait a minute. Cancel that order. Plot a shortcut to the README.TXT in the desktop zone. We'll be navigating back there frequently." "Yes, Sir." "Spock?" "It seems as if we have a hardware conflict, sir. The ProAudio Spectrum 16 isn't responding, either in sound or SCSI." "Disable the card, Spock." "I'm sorry, sir. It won't disable the SCSI without stopping sound card first. And it won't disable the sound card without disabling the SCSI first." "Captain, an enemy ship is approaching at 12 o'clock." "[Looks at watch.] Good, that gives us a little more time to debug these systems." "No, sir. The ship is already upon us." "Uhura?" "Scanning all frequencies, sir. I'm trying to get an image, sir, but the system is awfully slow." "Scotty, what's happening down there?" "The engine is running smoothly, Captain, but the 16-bit GDI can only process one console request at a time." "See what you can do, Scotty. Spock?" "It appears to be an IBM ship, Captain. Equipped with a Warp drive." [impressive sound of Warp engine coming up to speed. OOhs and Ahhs as crew gazes in the direction of enemy ship.] "Put it on visual, Chekov." "Aye, Captain." [Louder OOhs and Ahhs.] "Spock, the enemy ship is approaching fast. We need audio!" "I'm sorry, Captain. The registry is not responding." "Bones?" "I'm a doctor, not a beta tester!" "Quick, Sulu, bring up the README.TXT file." "Captain - it's gone. Some other task in the system must have moved or changed it." "Long-range scan, Chekov." "I found it, Captain. Wait a minute. This README.TXT file is for the game Land of Lore, with Patrick Stewart doing the voice of King Richard." "Patrick Stewart?" "You've never heard of Patrick Stewart?" "No." "Must be a generation gap." "Captain, she canna take it much more. Another 15 sectors and the engines'll burn up fer surrrrre." "[sigh.] Maintain power, Mr. Scott. Quick, Sulu, put us on red alert." "Captain, I can't figure out how to change the color of the desktop background!" "Bones?" "I'm a doctor, not the FORCE docs!!" "Never mind. Find the screen saver. Spock, prepare to fire HP LaserJet." "Captain, I've chosen the screen saver that says `Chicago is COOL' but now I'm getting no response at the helm." [bOOM as the enemy hits ship with photon torpedo, then large zapping sound, then either the ship moves back and forth, or people sway left and right, depending on perspective. Sparks fly from console, fires glare, indicating what would normally be irreparable damage, yet will be fixed in just minutes.] "Sulu, take evasive action; otherwise, it's certain doom!" "Aye, Aye, Captain. It certainly is Doom and I don't mind saying I'm getting awfully sick of this demo. Doom is one of the most stable games on the market and it runs under OS/2 with no problems whatsoever." "We've got... to get... to the kernel. Uhura... notify... the... kernel at Star Fleet." "Captain, I think either communications are breaking up, or you're dropping into melodramatic Shakespearean stammer mode again." "Spock?" "Fascinating, Captain. It would seem that the needs of the few have out-weighed the needs of the many." "Scotty, get us out of here!" "Sorry, Captain, the engine is no longer responding! We'll have to do a hard boot to rrrrecover." "Bones?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JTKirk1 0 Posted July 15, 2003 OMG! That's hilarious!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Data 0 Posted July 15, 2003 Windows 95, hmmmmm, that goes back..............lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yillara Skye 1 Posted July 15, 2003 Windows 95, hmmmmm, that goes back..............lol :lol: only a couple of years for me, I must confess...I kept Windows95 until 2000, now i am at Windows98 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Data 0 Posted July 19, 2003 Windows 95, hmmmmm, that goes back..............lol only a couple of years for me, I must confess...I kept Windows95 until 2000, now i am at Windows98 You are only two versions back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lessa_Soong 0 Posted July 20, 2003 Don't feel bad, Yillara. I ahve 98 too, but i have been meaning to get upgraded....2000 has a better WORD and I sure as hell need that! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yillara Skye 1 Posted July 20, 2003 Don't feel bad, Yillara. I ahve 98 too, but i have been meaning to get upgraded....2000 has a better WORD and I sure as hell need that! My brother may get 2000 soon, not sure if I will yet. 98 seems to work for the writing and art projects I am doing, but may upgrade later (hey actually getting Word and Excel, instead of WordPad...might be a start though ) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrskirk 0 Posted July 20, 2003 Don't feel bad, Yillara. I ahve 98 too, but i have been meaning to get upgraded....2000 has a better WORD and I sure as hell need that! My brother may get 2000 soon, not sure if I will yet. 98 seems to work for the writing and art projects I am doing, but may upgrade later (hey actually getting Word and Excel, instead of WordPad...might be a start though ) No need to spend hundreds of dollars on a new operating system or a copy of Microsoft Office! I run Windows XP Home Edition, which didn't come with any office programs. One of my favorite shows, The Screensavers, recommended a free office suite called Easy Office. It has word, excel, a calendar, a spell checker, and everything else Microsoft Office has. It's also compatible with Microsoft Office. Any documents created in Easy Word can be read by Microsoft Word, and vice versa. And, best of all, as I mentioned earlier, IT'S FREE! I downloaded it and have been using it for about a month now. It's great! So, save yourselves a couple hundred bucks! Go to downloads.com and download Easy Office Suite. I'm pretty sure it will work with Windows 98-check the website to make sure. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yillara Skye 1 Posted July 21, 2003 Don't feel bad, Yillara. I ahve 98 too, but i have been meaning to get upgraded....2000 has a better WORD and I sure as hell need that! My brother may get 2000 soon, not sure if I will yet. 98 seems to work for the writing and art projects I am doing, but may upgrade later (hey actually getting Word and Excel, instead of WordPad...might be a start though ) No need to spend hundreds of dollars on a new operating system or a copy of Microsoft Office! I run Windows XP Home Edition, which didn't come with any office programs. One of my favorite shows, The Screensavers, recommended a free office suite called Easy Office. It has word, excel, a calendar, a spell checker, and everything else Microsoft Office has. It's also compatible with Microsoft Office. Any documents created in Easy Word can be read by Microsoft Word, and vice versa. And, best of all, as I mentioned earlier, IT'S FREE! I downloaded it and have been using it for about a month now. It's great! So, save yourselves a couple hundred bucks! Go to downloads.com and download Easy Office Suite. I'm pretty sure it will work with Windows 98-check the website to make sure. I think I may check into that! My family and I usually catch Screensavers, a very good show.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Riaan 0 Posted July 21, 2003 OMG geranimo! That's hysterical. Its taken me 5 minutes to type this 'cause I've been laughing so hard! I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything, or I'd be cleaning my screen right now! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
