More Computer Fun

[Lollypop 0]

I found this :lol:

 

Click for Spoiler:

A gentleman with a western accent called up saying that he was not satisfied with our service and wished to cancel. After telling him that he would need to call back during business hours and speak with customer service, I asked if there was anything I could do to make the service more satisfactory.

 

 

Customer: "Well, I've had ya guys for months now, and still I can't get connected."

 

Tech Support: "Have you called us about this before?"

 

Customer: "Well, yes, a couple of times."

So I got his username and looked him up. Sure enough, there were two tech logs under his name, so I read them briefly. Virtually everything that could be checked had been checked. Something about the way he was talking to me made me a little curious, so I continued to ask questions.

 

 

Tech Support: "From what I can tell, the techs have helped you doublecheck your settings and everything should be perfectly fine. Do you use Netscape or Internet Explorer to connect?"

 

Customer: "Well, now, I dunno. I just use the stuff ya gave me. When I wanna get online, I click this here."

 

Tech Support: "Can you be a little more specific?"

 

Customer: "I move the little arrow here and click."

 

Tech Support: "Can you tell me what icons are on your desktop?"

 

Customer: "I ain't got no icons."

 

Tech Support: (blink) "You don't? None at all?"

 

Customer: "Nope."

 

Tech Support: "Well, ok. Do you have something on your desktop that says, 'Shortcut to [our Internet service]'?"

 

Customer: "No, I ain't got nothin' written like that on my desktop."

 

Tech Support: "Ok, um...can you tell me what's on your desktop, then?"

 

Customer: "Well, I gots me here a pencil, the computer, and my coffee."

 

Tech Support: "Um, all right...can you tell me what you see on the TV part of your computer?"

 

Customer: "On one side there's a buncha pictures, and across the top there's words."

 

Tech Support: "Good, sir, that's what I hoped you would say. The little pictures are called 'icons,' and the whole screen area that the little pictures are on is called the 'desktop.'"

 

Customer: "Oh. Hell, is that what you meant? I ain't the religious type, so don't keep no Marys or nothin' around."

 

Tech Support: "Um, yes, that's what I was meaning, sir. Now, on your screen, the desktop, do you see anything that says 'Shortcut to the Internet' or '[our Internet service]'?"

 

Customer: "Why, yes I do. In fact, that's what I click on when I try to connect."

 

Tech Support: "And then what happens sir?"

 

Customer: "Well, the computer makes all kinds of annoying sounds, then pops up a little thing sayin' I'm connected."

 

Tech Support: "Go--"

 

Customer: (interrupting) "Now before ya say anythin', I wantcha ta know it lies."

 

Tech Support: "It what?"

 

Customer: "The little thing sayin' I'm connected. It ain't talkin' the truth."

 

Tech Support: "Um...ok...what makes you say that?"

 

Customer: "Well, because after that nothin' happens. Nothin' at all."

 

Tech Support: "Excuse me?"

 

Customer: "Well, it says I'm connected, but nothin' else happens. I'm a patient man, but after about half an hour, my computer finally gives up the truth an' says I'm not connected no more."

 

Tech Support: "Have you tried using a web browser, sir? Do you get any kind of errors when you try opening a web page?"

 

Customer: "I'm tellin' you, nothin' happens."

 

Tech Support: "All right. What do you use for a web browser?"

 

Customer: "I'm not quite sure whatcha mean."

 

Tech Support: "Netscape Navigator? Internet Explorer? Do you use any programs like those?"

 

Customer: "Now why would I need anything like that? All I want to do is get connected."

 

Tech Support: "Right sir, you are getting conn--"

 

Customer: "Now listen here, I just done told ya that I'm not. I think I'd know if anything happened after I tried to connect. By now I'm getting rather frustrated, but still I press on."

 

Tech Support: "Ok, let me try to explain a couple of things. First of all, when most people talk about 'surfing the web' and 'getting on the Internet' they're usually talking about viewing web pages on the Internet."

 

Customer: "I follow ya."

 

Tech Support: "In order to view these pages, the person needs to run a web browsing program -- typically Netscape Navigator or Internet Explorer. These turn the information on a web site into a format that is understandable by an ordinary person."

 

Customer: "So I need one of them ta get connected?"

 

Tech Support: "Actually, sir, you are already getting connected. Once you get that 'connected' message, you need to open up a web browser."

 

Customer: "I do?"

 

Tech Support: "Yes, sir. On your screen, do you have a 'little picture' that looks like a big 'N' or do you have one that looks like an 'e'?"

 

Customer: "I got one what looks like an 'N'."

 

Tech Support: "All right, sir, here's what I want you to do: After hanging up with me, I want you to connect like you usually do. Once you get that 'connected' box to appear on your screen, I want you to click on the picture of an 'N'. If things still aren't happening after that, go ahead and call us back."

 

Customer: "All right, I'll try that, but I tell ya: ain't nothin' gonna happen."

 

The customer never called back. He also did not cancel his service the next day. The whole call took just over an hour and a half and I was ready to pull my hair out at several points. After the call, though, we were laughing over it for hours.

[Turak 0]

I know EXACTLY what that's talking about. I worked as a DSL tech for over a year. Everyone's an expert. Most people have genuine problems, and thats going to happen with any ISP. But some calls are just unbelievable. That was one of those instances. Very entertaining! :lol:

[Captain Jean-Luc Picard 1]

Ha! That's what it was like for us when we unpacked our first computer! :lol: Now, we can't get off the computer! :lol:

[Lollypop 0]

I know EXACTLY what that's talking about. I worked as a DSL tech for over a year. Everyone's an expert. Most people have genuine problems, and thats going to happen with any ISP. But some calls are just unbelievable. That was one of those instances. Very entertaining!   :lol:

Then maybe you have some stories to tell us. :lol:

[Turak 0]

I'm sure I can think of some...just need to think REALLY hard...that was a couple of years ago...but i'll definately post some, if anyone would like to read them

[Lollypop 0]

I'm sure I can think of some...just need to think REALLY hard...that was a couple of years ago...but i'll definately post some, if anyone would like to read them

Of course we would. :lol:

[Lollypop 0]

How To Clean Your Mouse

 

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious, but the engineers rolled on the floor:

 

"Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

 

"Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static-sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

 

"Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

[fredbroca 0]

The story about the tech support was good and I had a good laugh but no offence the ball story had me laughing so hard I started to cry. :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Turak 0]

Ok, before anyone reads this, BE WARNED. Bad language is to follow. I wanted to give an accurate representation of the call, and thus this could not be omitted.

 

Click for Spoiler:

This gentlmen called in wanting to network his wife's laptop with his desktop pc. The ISP i worked for did not support networking, and only guarenteed service on 1 machine. When I checked his prior tech notes, I discovered a lot of red comments...all of which said he was very abrasive.

 

 

Customer: Yeah i'm trying to network

 

Tech: Sir, i'm sorry but we here at (ISP) do not support or troubleshoot networks of any kind. We just..

 

Customer: (interrupting) look, son. I need to get this (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't) done before my wife gets home. She gets pissy.

 

Tech: Well, sir unless you are having trouble on the PC we have troubleshot before, there really is nothing I can do for you.

 

Customer: I called this tech support crap because I need some damn support. If I say that my other modem is messin' up, will you help me out?

 

Tech: Ok..ok. I'll see what I can do.

 

Customer: That's better. Ok...when I plug the phone cord into the modem, nothing happens.

 

Tech: Do you have all of your filters installed on every phone, fax machine, alarm system, everything EXCEPT your modem?

 

Customer: I'm not an idioit.

 

Tech: I never said you were, sir. I was just ask.

 

Customer: (Interrupting) you aren't listening to a damned word i'm saying, are you?

 

Tech: I have heard every word sir. I'm just trying to help troubleshoot your problem.

 

Customer: It's you that has the problem.

 

Tech: Excuse me?

 

Customer: Hang on a second. My wife is home.

 

Tech:.....

 

Customer: Sorry bout that...she's being a huge (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't) today.

 

Tech: Sir, I don't know if you are aware of this, but swearing over an open telephone line is against the law.

 

Customer: Oh really?

 

Tech: Yes sir.

 

(long pause)

 

Customer: ok...well...

 

Tech: yes sir?

 

Customer: (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't) you and the horse you rode in on you son of a (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't)! I can say whatever the hell I want to because this is the god damn USA and i'm an American citizen who...

 

Tech: (interrupting) Sir, I warned you. Thank you for calling (ISP) and have a pleasant day.

[Lollypop 0]

Ok, before anyone reads this, BE WARNED. Bad language is to follow. I wanted to give an accurate representation of the call, and thus this could not be omitted.

 

Click for Spoiler:

This gentlmen called in wanting to network his wife's laptop with his desktop pc. The ISP i worked for did not support networking, and only guarenteed service on 1 machine. When I checked his prior tech notes, I discovered a lot of red comments...all of which said he was very abrasive.

 

 

Customer: Yeah i'm trying to network

 

Tech: Sir, i'm sorry but we here at (ISP) do not support or troubleshoot networks of any kind. We just..

 

Customer: (interrupting) look, son. I need to get this (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't) done before my wife gets home. She gets pissy.

 

Tech: Well, sir unless you are having trouble on the PC we have troubleshot before, there really is nothing I can do for you.

 

Customer: I called this tech support crap because I need some damn support. If I say that my other modem is messin' up, will you help me out?

 

Tech: Ok..ok. I'll see what I can do.

 

Customer: That's better. Ok...when I plug the phone cord into the modem, nothing happens.

 

Tech: Do you have all of your filters installed on every phone, fax machine, alarm system, everything EXCEPT your modem?

 

Customer: I'm not an idioit.

 

Tech: I never said you were, sir. I was just ask.

 

Customer: (Interrupting) you aren't listening to a damned word i'm saying, are you?

 

Tech: I have heard every word sir. I'm just trying to help troubleshoot your problem.

 

Customer: It's you that has the problem.

 

Tech: Excuse me?

 

Customer: Hang on a second. My wife is home.

 

Tech:.....

 

Customer: Sorry bout that...she's being a huge (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't) today.

 

Tech: Sir, I don't know if you are aware of this, but swearing over an open telephone line is against the law.

 

Customer: Oh really?

 

Tech: Yes sir.

 

(long pause)

 

Customer: ok...well...

 

Tech: yes sir?

 

Customer: (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't) you and the horse you rode in on you son of a (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't)! I can say whatever the hell I want to because this is the god damn USA and i'm an American citizen who...

 

Tech: (interrupting) Sir, I warned you. Thank you for calling (ISP) and have a pleasant day.

[fredbroca 0]

People are just so rude. That guy needs a boot to the head. :lol:

[jdigs 0]

I used to work at a car rental at montreal airport...people are rude..sometimes people just don't get it and feel they should be rude..boot to the head indeed.

[Riaan 0]

Lollypop,

 

That mouse story is TOO funny!

[TrekkieMage 0]

LOL!!

 

That's gread

[Lollypop 0]

SIGNS YOU MAY BE AN AOL ADDICT

 

1. A friend calls and says "How are you? Your phones have been busy-- for a year!"

 

2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.

 

3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."

 

4. You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said YOU'VE GOT MAIL.

 

5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.

 

6. You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get IMs.

 

7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL in your car.

 

8. Tech support calls YOU for help.

 

9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."

 

10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.

 

11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.

 

12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.

 

13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.

 

14. You sneak away to your computer when everyone goes to sleep.

 

15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.

 

16. You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.

 

17. You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.

 

18. "Where did the time go??"

 

19. You sit on AOL for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.

 

20. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

 

21. .....You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......

 

22. You've gone to an unstaffed AOL room to give tech support.

 

23. You think faster than the computer.

 

24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and **kisses**.

 

25. Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.

 

26. You're on the phone and say BRB.

 

27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.

 

28. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this...."BRB. Leave your S/N and Ill TTYL ASAP".

 

29. You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.

 

30. You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-life.

[TrekkieMage 0]

*snicker*

[Xeroc 0]

Hilarious!!!