thayln 0 Posted June 11, 2003 THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University. ========================================================= "Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted. ----------------------------- STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question. ----------------------------- (second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. ----------------------------- (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. ----------------------------- (Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conferencetable. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!" ----------------------------- (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent. ----------------------------- (Gary) Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels." ----------------------------- (Rebecca) (Ignore me, I'm using profanity). ----------------------------- (Gary) (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't). ----------------------------- (Rebecca) Wanker. ----------------------------- (Gary) Slut. ----------------------------- (Rebecca) Get f****d. ----------------------------- (Gary) Eat s**t. ----------------------------- (Rebecca) F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!! ----------------------------- (Gary) Go drink some tea - whore. ************************************************ (Teacher) A+ - I really liked this one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Turak 0 Posted June 11, 2003 That was interesting....I've read things like that before..but that one was really funny! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xeroc 0 Posted June 11, 2003 LOL!!! A bit unusual, but nevertheless hilarious! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ddillard 2 Posted June 11, 2003 That was hilarious. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lessa_Soong 0 Posted June 11, 2003 OMG, ROFLMAO> that was GREAT! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Takara_Soong 4 Posted June 12, 2003 I would have been rolling in the aisles if I had been the teacher. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah 0 Posted June 12, 2003 I guess those two really did not want to work together!!!! hahahaha what a mean teacher!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abakai2003 0 Posted June 12, 2003 That was fantastic Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fredbroca 0 Posted June 12, 2003 lol i laughed so much i started to cry man that was great! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Goose 0 Posted June 12, 2003 Stardate:213444.9 That was awsome!!!!!!!!LMAO LMAO SO DAMN MUCH i atually fell of my chair.The best part is when the teacher gave them a A+ and said she liked it !!!!ha ha ha ha NICE Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TrekkieMage 0 Posted June 12, 2003 LOL! That was great Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lubak10 0 Posted June 13, 2003 :( B) B) THAT WAS SO FUNNY!!!!!!! :( Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
starsinmyeyes 0 Posted June 13, 2003 A+ for trying to work together. At least the teacher was given something he could mark. I wonder how the final result measured against the criteria? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
