Goose

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Posts posted by Goose

  1. Posted

    Stardate:213542.9

     

     

    Commander Tojak is sitting on the bridge of the Romulan Warbird Rogan.The Romulans have developed experimental shield technology that allows them to withstand certain harsh conditons for a period of time.Commander Tojak decided to hide in an ion storm to suprise and attack the Enterprise.

     

    Commander Tojak:Comm. hail the Enterprise. I want to speak to Captian Kirk.

  4. Posted

    Stardate:213542.7

     

     

    Myers-Briggs would say that you are an ESTJ (Extrovert, Sensor, Thinker, Judger). In Star Trek language, you share a basic personality configuration with William Riker and B'Elanna Torres. riker.giftorres.jpg

     

    People like you are generally quick decision makers, organized and efficient. Your personality is charismatic, friendly and energetic, but you take life seriously and can be a little opinionated on your own turf. You're extremely outspoken when you feel you're in the right. You have great trouble dealing with people who are dishonest and/or disorderly.

     

    You're highly productive, realistic and sensible. Somewhat of a traditionalist, you're distrustful of new and untested ideas, and you're more than a little blunt telling others how you feel about them, or about whatever other faults you see. When you give a compliment, however, you mean it.

     

    Your primary goal in life is doing the right thing, and being in charge. Your reward is to be appreciated by others and have your opinion respected. You also enjoy having others willingly follow your orders.

     

    Good careers for your type include being a command officer, pharmacist, teacher, and personnel manager.

  10. Posted

    Stardate:213542.2

     

    Quark is in the bar mixing up drinks when he sees Mourn raise his glass.Quark walks over and pours him a glass of root bear.

     

    Quark:Why is that stupid earth drink become so popular around here all of a sudden.Ever since the Dominion war ended and all those hewmans moved here I have had to restock my storage with the drink.

     

    Mourn empties his glass and riases it for another.Quark just grumbles and pours his drink.

  20. Posted

    Stardate:213537.7

     

     

    I was kinda dissappointed in the fight scene.I read the script to the movie before I went and seen it and they left alot of the fight out of the movie.

    If you hadn't read the script, would you still have enjoyed the movie?

    Stardate:213537.9

     

     

    Hmmmmm Well I probably would have enjoyed it a little more but my overall opinion of the movie wouldnt of changed.They left so much out of the movie that was in the original script.I know they have to shorten and edit it but they could of left so of the stuff in.

  24. Posted

    Stardate:213537.1

     

     

    Star Trek Groaners.

     

    Question: Where do Star Trek fans go to lift weights?

    Answer: The "He's dead, Gym"!

     

    Question: How many ears does Picard have?

    Answer: Three. A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.

     

    Question: What did Picard say as Data struggled to repair the Marclosian Stitching Machine?

    Answer: "Make it sew."

     

    Question: What did the first officer answer when Picard asked "Why did you let Troi win at poker?"

    Answer: "Because I Riker."

     

    Question: What did the blonde Klingon say?

    Answer: "It was a good day to dye."

     

    Question: What is Thomas Riker's dating philosophy?

    Answer: "If at first you don't succeed, try Troi again."

     

    Question: What do you get if you cross a borg with a black magic marker?

    Answer: A borg with a big black X on it.

     

    Question: What did Worf say when small ice asteroids began hitting the Enterprise hull?

    Answer: "Captain, we are being hailed."

     

    Question: What did Will Riker say when he discovered that he had a transporter duplicate?

    Answer: "We're Number One! We're Number One!"

     

    Question: Why are Beverly Crusher, Worf, and Deanna Troi similar?

    Answer: Because one's a Doc, one's a Worf, and one's a Marina.

     

    Question: What does Major Kira's emergency signal sound like?

    Answer: NANA NANA NANA NANA.

     

    Question: Did you hear about the singing contest for young men at Starfleet Academy?

    Answer: It's called the Kirk Tenor Prize.

     

    Question: How many of the Enterprise's senior officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Answer: All of them. One to screw it in, and the rest to debate the moral implications.

     

    Question: What did LaForge say when his girlfriend asked him what to wear on their date?

    Answer: "I'm BLIND!"

     

    Question: What did Lore use to kill Data's cat?

    Answer:Spot remover.

     

    Question: What do you call it when that Strategic Operations Officer on DS9 runs as fast as he can?

    Answer: Worf Speed.

     

    Question: Why couldn't Kira get permanent quarters on DS9?

    Answer: Because everybody knew she was a Visitor.

     

    Question: What did the senior staff of DS9 sing when Kira was packing to leave

    at the beginning of "The Circle"?

    Answer: Nana, Nana . . . Nana, Nana . . . Hey, hey, hey, goodbye!

     

    Question: What do you do if O'Brien refuses to fix your ship after you dock at DS9?

    Answer: Colm Meaney. (For those of you who don't know "Colm" isn't pronounced "Kohlm." It's pronounced more like "column.")

     

    Question: What is Sisko's favorite breakfast?

    Answer: Quarker Oates.

     

    Question: How would B'Elana Torres introduce her significant other?

    Answer: I'd like you to meet my better third.

     

    Question: What do you get when Gul Dukat kills off his half-Bajoran, half-Cardassian daughter?

    Answer: Bacardi on ice.

     

    Question: Did you hear that the crew of the Enterprise is getting married?

    Answer: They have engaged the Borg.

     

    Question: What do you get when you cross Lwaxana Troi with the bridge of a Starfleet vessel?

    Answer: An empty bridge

     

    Question: Did you hear that Jonathan Frakes is starring in a remake of an old

    James Bond movie?

    Answer: It's called Moonriker.

     

    Question: What did the Jamaican say to the Ferengi captain who was visiting Earth?

    Answer: Have a nice Dai Mon.

     

    Question: What do you get when you throw the casing of an unborn chicken at Quark's nephew?

    Answer: Egg Nog.

     

    "Knock-knock"

    "Who's there?"

    "Geordi!"

    "Geordi who?"

    "Didn't Geordi ask me that?"

     

    Question: What would the communication officer of DS9 say to Captain Sisko when a person is going on and on on the fifth channel of communications?

    Answer: Sir Babylon 5.

     

    Question: How many TOS landing party members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Answer: Only one, but the extra red-shirt will die in the attempt. :( (My favorite)

     

    Question: How many Voyager crew members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Answer: However many it takes, you can be sure a shuttlecraft will be destroyed during the attempt.

  25. Posted

    Stardate:213537.1

     

     

    Star Trek meets Windows 95

    "Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the MicroSoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."

    "Captain, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."

    "Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"

    "Captain, are you surrrrre you want to rrrreplace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"

    "Scotty, that's an order."

    "Aye Captain, but she's just not ready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."

    "That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"

    "We're on disk 5, sir."

    "Good. Spock?"

    "Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."

    "Then Spock, can you tell me why it is saying it can't use the Microsoft sound card, which works fine as configured under Windows 3.1?"

    "Unknown, Captain."

    "Will it use a ProAudio Spectrum?"

    "Unknown, Captain."

    "How about a Sound Blaster?"

    "Unknown, Captain."

    "What good are you, anyway?"

    "Box-office attraction, Captain."

    "Bones?"

    "I'm a doctor - not a hardware technician."

    "Spock, cancel the Microsoft sound card and install the ProAudio Spectrum. Chekov, finish the software installation. Sulu, reboot the system when it's ready and prepare to go to task speed on my signal."

    "Aye, aye, Captain."

    "Chekov?"

    "We've just entered the desktop zone, Captain."

    "Captain, she canna take it much more. Another 15 sectors and the engines'll burn up fer surrrrre."

    "Scotty, we haven't even started yet."

    "Sorry, Captain, I just haven't had a line in so long..."

    "Sulu, go to task 1. Bring up the README.TXT in the notepad."

    "Aye, Captain."

    "Wait a minute. Cancel that order. Plot a shortcut to the README.TXT in the desktop zone. We'll be navigating back there frequently."

    "Yes, Sir."

    "Spock?"

    "It seems as if we have a hardware conflict, sir. The ProAudio Spectrum 16 isn't responding, either in sound or SCSI."

    "Disable the card, Spock."

    "I'm sorry, sir. It won't disable the SCSI without stopping sound card first. And it won't disable the sound card without disabling the SCSI first."

    "Captain, an enemy ship is approaching at 12 o'clock."

    "[Looks at watch.] Good, that gives us a little more time to debug these systems."

    "No, sir. The ship is already upon us."

    "Uhura?"

    "Scanning all frequencies, sir. I'm trying to get an image, sir, but the system is awfully slow."

    "Scotty, what's happening down there?"

    "The engine is running smoothly, Captain, but the 16-bit GDI can only process one console request at a time."

    "See what you can do, Scotty. Spock?"

    "It appears to be an IBM ship, Captain. Equipped with a Warp drive."

    [impressive sound of Warp engine coming up to speed. OOhs and Ahhs as crew gazes in the direction of enemy ship.]

    "Put it on visual, Chekov."

    "Aye, Captain."

    [Louder OOhs and Ahhs.]

    "Spock, the enemy ship is approaching fast. We need audio!"

    "I'm sorry, Captain. The registry is not responding."

    "Bones?"

    "I'm a doctor, not a beta tester!"

    "Quick, Sulu, bring up the README.TXT file."

    "Captain - it's gone. Some other task in the system must have moved or changed it."

    "Long-range scan, Chekov."

    "I found it, Captain. Wait a minute. This README.TXT file is for the game Land of Lore, with Patrick Stewart doing the voice of King Richard."

    "Patrick Stewart?"

    "You've never heard of Patrick Stewart?"

    "No."

    "Must be a generation gap."

    "Captain, she canna take it much more. Another 15 sectors and the engines'll burn up fer surrrrre."

    "[sigh.] Maintain power, Mr. Scott. Quick, Sulu, put us on red alert."

    "Captain, I can't figure out how to change the color of the desktop background!"

    "Bones?"

    "I'm a doctor, not the FORCE docs!!"

    "Never mind. Find the screen saver. Spock, prepare to fire HP LaserJet."

    "Captain, I've chosen the screen saver that says `Chicago is COOL' but now I'm getting no response at the helm."

    [bOOM as the enemy hits ship with photon torpedo, then large zapping sound, then either the ship moves back and forth, or people sway left and right, depending on perspective. Sparks fly from console, fires glare, indicating what would normally be irreparable damage, yet will be fixed in just minutes.]

    "Sulu, take evasive action; otherwise, it's certain doom!"

    "Aye, Aye, Captain. It certainly is Doom and I don't mind saying I'm getting awfully sick of this demo. Doom is one of the most stable games on the market and it runs under OS/2 with no problems whatsoever."

    "We've got... to get... to the kernel. Uhura... notify... the... kernel at Star Fleet."

    "Captain, I think either communications are breaking up, or you're dropping into melodramatic Shakespearean stammer mode again."

    "Spock?"

    "Fascinating, Captain. It would seem that the needs of the few have out-weighed the needs of the many."

    "Scotty, get us out of here!"

    "Sorry, Captain, the engine is no longer responding! We'll have to do a hard boot to rrrrecover."

    "Bones?"