The Top Ten Dangerously Drunk Cities

[Kor37 9]

Intervention Time: Does Your City Have a Drinking Problem?

Jan 25th 2008

By Asylum Staff

BoozeHealthFitness

 

Your town has a serious problem, and we'd like to help -- but the first step is admitting it.

 

A new Men's Health study lists the most dangerously drunk cities in America.

 

You might argue that there are good reasons why your town has a high percentage of DUI arrests and liver disease, including great bars and brilliant mixologists.

 

But you'd be in complete denial.

 

So we present you the list of the Top 10 Dangerously Drunk Cities and our thoughts on why each made the list. Now it's up to you to get your entire city into the basement of a nearby church for the next AA meeting.

 

 

The Top 10 Dangerously Drunk Cities:

 

10. Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Hmmm, what's the best drink to cut through all that fatty cheese? (Let's face it, they even stock the drinking fountains there with Milwaukee's Finest.)

 

9. Lubbock, Texas

If you know Bobby Knight, you know he coaches at Lubbock's Texas Tech University, and he's not the most subtle guy in the world. (He likes to throw folding chairs.) Everyone else drinks to keep themselves numb.

 

8. Fresno, California

Hometown of Kevin Federline. Any questions?

 

7. Austin, Texas

Sure, the slackers in Austin may start out drinking coffee, but eventually they move on to the good stuff.

 

6. San Antonio, Texas

Residents take a solemn pledge to do a shot whenever anyone says, "Remember the Alamo."

 

5. Fargo, North Dakota

What else is there to do but drink in a place so cold and desolate? As Sheriff Marge Gunderson so elegantly said in the movie "Fargo": "I think I'm gonna barf!"

 

4. Omaha, Nebraska

Consider that both Elliott Smith and Bright Eyes are from Omaha. You basically have two choices if you live there: You can become a morose folk singer, or you can drink yourself blind. Most choose the latter.

 

3. Colorado Springs, Colorado

You try doing any of that crazy ski crap when you're not plastered out of your mind. (Plus when you land, a little "painkiller" helps.)

 

2. Anchorage, Alaska

You think mountains of snow and 24 hours of daylight have any ill effects? Even the sled dogs are snockered.

 

1. Denver, Colorado

How do you think they maintain that Rocky Mountain High?

 

Baltimore didn't make the top ten despite all of my hard work...

[TJ Phaserman 2]

hey chicago was part of the top 10 list 3 years ago...until they started cracking down with roadblocks every 20 miles from the city into the suburbs.

[Capt_Picard 0]

My town should be number one... *looks at family* ...