Kor37 9 Posted August 27, 2006 BEER TROUBLESHOOTING: SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender. SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth. SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on the table. ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Punch him. SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. FAULT: You have been in a fight. ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if they have free beer. SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer is too weak. ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves. SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. FAULT: Beer is just right. ACTION: Play air guitar. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Capt_Picard 0 Posted August 27, 2006 Some how I see you doing all of those Kor... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrPsychic 1 Posted August 28, 2006 I'll print this list out and tape it to the wall the next time you host a party Kor Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ARMS 0 Posted August 28, 2006 Used to have a poster with these on it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KIMIMELA 1 Posted August 28, 2006 I'm tempted to print that out, but the printer's downstairs and I'm wireless upstairs Funny anyway, Kor thanks for sharing that mate! Have one on me :beer: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
youbroughtheryouRiker 2 Posted August 28, 2006 SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. FAULT: Beer is just right. ACTION: Play air guitar. This one reminds me of a night out with some coworkers. Naturally we hit a couple karaoke bars, and one girl from our party got up to sing Chuck Berry's "My Ding-A-Ling." She had such a hard time with it, too. According to her, her eyes, the music, her brain and the words on the screen just couldn't seem to line up right. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrPsychic 1 Posted October 7, 2006 I can relate to the one about water. My brother replaced my 99 proof orange schnapps with water, I took a swig and spat it out and said "Water, that little bastard's trying to kill me!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
