bwexplorer's log

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000126505

 

Ok its the middle of winter vacation (in Australia), and i'm starting to wish i lived in China, so i'd be an only child, cause i'm absolutely miserable, for the last two weekends i've been babysitting my 5yr old brother (turning 6 in 4 days) cause my mum and sis have been at basketball, like its nothing new or anything i do it every saturday and sunday school with or without school on but cause its holidays theres no private PCYC games so they decided that they'd hold all the representative games and my mum coaches under 18s (last weekend) and my sis is in the under 14s team for our local PCYC, which means my mum was out for friday (last day of school for my sibling not for me i finished early), saturday and sunday for 12hours each, and the same for my sis this weekend, i'm just a little worn out i guess and like next weekend theres no basketball at all and my mum said she was taking me out shopping as reward to babysitting so much but our car decided today thats it don't feel to well and she can't afford to fix it for quite a while which means no shopping or even window shopping.

 

All my friends are on holidays somewhere fun so thats mean i have absoutely no life till school starts on the 5th

 

I am Miserable and awfully depressed! :) :)

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000127505

 

I know its only 6:24am here but i've been up since 3am to my dismay, and i think iamb going insane, cause my families always considered me a *good girl* and iamb having uncontrollable urges to be mean, hurt something and punch them all out. i don't want to be mean its not in my nature to do so, like i've always been nice to everyone, and i don't hold grudges, and i don't bottle anger but since yesterday i've been mean and stuff. its not fair, i may be human and unable not to have emotions like a vulcan :speck: but this is ridiculous i don't even know why i'm feeling like this?

 

-bwexplorer out

[Lursa 0]

Don't worry. My parents thought that me being a tough girl was wrong. But now, my parents dont have a problem with it. They are just going to have to expect me for who i am.

[bwexplorer 0]

but i don't want to be tough or bad i wanna be me just me,

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000128605

 

I'm feeling better today but I am still very worried about what the future will bring, more precisely two days from now because will be my brothers birthday, I am yet to buy a birthday gift for him or for my friends birthday on stardate 0000106705, or any other birthdays in the coming month.

I am also worried about how routine I am, I constantly feel like I am a robot doing programmed tasks, unable to have emotion is what I do or any choice in what I do, I wake up between 4 and 5 am every morning, come on to the boards, have a shower at 6am, have breakfast at 6:15am, at 6:25am i pack my bag for school, at 7am I wake my family up, and again at 7:15am and 7:30am, until they get up, then I brush my hair clean, my teeth and put my school shoes on, then at 7:45 I leave for school, I get there between 7:47am and 7:50am and then I talk to friends until 8:10am when classes start, morning tea at 10:10 am then class, lunch at 12:50am, more classes, then home at 2:50pm or 3:25pm depending on the day, and when I come home, I come on the internet, then homework, then some sleep and dinner, then bed again. Very boring and Very continuous and repetitive four days a week. Almost the same on weekends, except instead of school I babysit my brother until the rest of my family comes home from basketball, then I sleep for a few hours then get up for dinner and a few other things, like chores, then back to bed, the only day I don't have a routine unless you consider sitting in front of the television, doing my homework on Mondays (because year 11sa and 12sa don't have classes on Mondays) as a routine.

 

My life is boring and repetitive! :unsure:

 

-bwexplorer out

[HRH The KING 0]

Just chill out and relax.

 

It'll all be worth it eventually.

[LordOfTheBorg 1]

Everyones life is repetivie, to a point. Mine is, to a certain extent. Especially now that its summer. I get up, log onto the internet. check STF.net and MSN|M, then i start downloading something and get up to go get a drink. Then i watch TV for a while, dont find anything good on, so i got back online and come back here, and chat with friends on MSN|M. Then i get another drink, and some food, come back in here, check STf.net again, then after im done eating and drinking, i go and play HALO demo for a while, till i get pissed off at the lag and quit. Then i check STF.net again, chat online for a while. Then i go watch TV, and then i go outside for a while. Then i come back in, get a drink, and something to eat, and come back here and chat wit friends and post mindless threads. I do that till bedtime, most of the time. And you think your life is repetitive!

[bwexplorer 0]

Just chill out and relax.

 

It'll all be worth it eventually.

335337[/snapback]

 

when will i get to relax though???????????, its the middle of the winter holidays and i just want a reason to go out and enjoy myself instead of babysitting

[HRH The KING 0]

You should ask your family to take over the babysitting duties.

 

It is unfair to place that responsibility on you when you need time to relax for yourself.

 

Be assertive, tell them what you need and what you want.

 

Also, it seems that you are getting up way too early on schools days. Waking up at 4AM will eventually cause exhaustion. Sleep a little longer and don't go onto the Internet in the morning.

 

Let your family wake themselves up. That's not your job. I'm sure they've heard of alarm clocks.

 

It's important to relax during school too. Have fun while you do your work. Learning should be enjoyable, not a chore. It will be repetitive during the week, because that's the nature of school.

 

What I would suggest is doing as much homework as possible AT school during lunch (after you have eaten of course). I'm sure you have a library or something. If it's too much, then ask your teachers for a reduced schedule of homework.

 

Also, don't spend so much time watching TV. There's nothing really decent on TV these days anyway. Use your TV time to spend time with friends or doing some kind of constructive and enjoyable activity, or come online and post here for a few hours.

 

Anyway, that's just my advice. You should do what you think is right.

[bwexplorer 0]

You should ask your family to take over the babysitting duties.

 

It is unfair to place that responsibility on you when you need time to relax for yourself.

 

Be assertive, tell them what you need and what you want.

 

Also, it seems that you are getting up way too early on schools days. Waking up at 4AM will eventually cause exhaustion. Sleep a little longer and don't go onto the Internet in the morning.

 

Let your family wake themselves up. That's not your job. I'm sure they've heard of alarm clocks.

 

It's important to relax during school too. Have fun while you do your work. Learning should be enjoyable, not a chore. It will be repetitive during the week, because that's the nature of school.

 

What I would suggest is doing as much homework as possible AT school during lunch (after you have eaten of course). I'm sure you have a library or something. If it's too much, then ask your teachers for a reduced schedule of homework.

 

Also, don't spend so much time watching TV. There's nothing really decent on TV these days anyway. Use your TV time to spend time with friends or doing some kind of constructive and enjoyable activity, or come online and post here for a few hours.

 

Anyway, that's just my advice. You should do what you think is right.

335366[/snapback]

 

1. i'm babysitting for my family

2. tried

3. i've tried getting up later but my inturnal clock is set to 4am, and i never tried to do that, and my lessons start early, and none of my friends are in any of my classes, so the only time i get to talk to them is in breaks and before school

4. they have heard of alarm clocks i give then one each year, they dont wake up when they go off

5. ever tried having fun doing my subjects (Math B, Math C, English, Chem, Bio, Physics)

6. i did that in primary school and i didn't make friends till year 9, and its not that much its just timeconsuming cause of what i do

7. i only watch tv of a nite after i've done everything and its too late to go out

[HRH The KING 0]

1. Maybe, but you're not the only member of your family who can babysit, are you?

 

2. Don't try. Demand.

 

3. Your internal clock will adjust.

 

4. Again, this is not your problem.

 

5. Absolutely. English was a riot at my school. The science subjects should be interesting too. I assume at some point you will choose to drop a few subjects and concentrate on a smaller number of them.

 

6. I'm afraid that is part of school life. Nothing much can be done about it. Some things have to be sacrificed. You have to remember, your friends are probably having the same issues as you are in terms of time and schoolwork.

 

7. The less you have to do at home with homework and such, the more time you can spend doing other things.

[bwexplorer 0]

1. with my mum and sis both a basketball constatly i'm the only one left

2. i did, at the start of this year i demanded it all stop, but mum had a better arguement

3. how it wont

4. mmm but i get blamed if their late for school etc

5. i can drop one next year but i dont think i will i need an extra subject for safety in my QCS

6. mmm

7. the more time i have the worse it'll get my mum wants me to join some young scientists club as soonas i sort myself out

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000129605

 

One good thing about today................. someone asked me this, this morning and I've been pondering the question, all day, cause I always see negative in life or thats at least what they said, and to some extent their right, I tend to see the bad parts of life more than the good parts, I don't see the point if I've had a lousy to look for the positive moments. So I guess I'd have to say that my one good thing about today was probably................ be the fact that I didn't throw up today, like the past 4 days, but then again the fact that I felt sick all day and when I went to have a sleep, all I wanted to do was to run to the bathroom.

 

I guess I can't find any positives in today, maybe tomorrow...........................

 

-bwexplorer out

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000130605

 

Firstly the best part of today and this is gonna sound ridiculous mean, but its **** *** raining and its my brothers birthday. Sorry to be mean but its good to me at least, it means I don't have to go outside in the sun, (cause there is none) like my mum wanted, also including the fact now I don't have to leave my house, for a bit longer at least. (School starts on Tuesday damn holidays)

 

Speaking of School i really don't mind going back to school it'll give me something to do other than veg on the couch or come on here all day, and I don't even mind the type of work were doing in all my subjects this semester, but if it rains any longer the ovals wont be the only things flooded on Tuesday, and I live on lower lying land that the schools (i.e. primary and secondary)

 

I Love Rain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! specially when its this hard, I hate it when the rain is a half hour shower. This wont break the drought but it'll do for now.

 

Thats my one good positive thing for today down. Now to the negative

 

Its my brothers birthday and I haven't got him anything yet, just like everyone else in my family, like we were going to go out yesterday but it was raining hard then too, which is fine it just means he has to wait until dinner to get presents , its the fact that we have no idea what to get him! <_<

 

Next Point, I can't hear myself think its raining so loud, I try 'n' listern to music and all I get is rain sound, rain ain't bad but its too damn loud.

 

I puked again today thats gotta be bad, and now I feel worse than when I was puking 2, 3 times a day, maybe a doctor would be so bad right now cause I know its not the flu, its just getting to one thats the problem.

 

Ooohhh I just thought of another good point today marks exactly 3 months till my birthday, but my birthday being good is a bit iffy at the moment. I've been told everything on my wishlist I'm not getting;

1. Cause its damn expensive

2. Cause 96% of it is Star Trek

Now number two annoys me cause my mum is a Trek fan, she the one who got me in to Star Trek when I was 6 and back in to Star Trek when I was 12, you'd think she would get me at least the :unsure: Dictionary I priced it and it was only $25AU, from a really expensive book store.

 

So I guess this point was more of a neutral point cause its part good and part bad............

 

Do you think I'll get paid this week? I really need the cash

 

-bwexplorer out

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000102705

 

I don't think todays has any positives, i've been getting sicker and losing it alot more, balance that is not my mind.......

 

I feel like the man who had a arrow shoot through his head, the fact that i keep hitting it on everything (by accident) is not helping the matter, or that i have two younger siblings, or the fact that its winter, which means it gets darker earlier, meaning more lights shining in my light sensitive eyes...........

 

I should stop complaining I'm in pain and do something about it......... something sensible i mean................

 

*long sigh*

 

-bwexplorer out

[Lursa 0]

I hate the light too. I feel so sorry for you, but things will work out for you i know they will. I had a bad week period, but the weekend is always worth looking for!

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000103705

 

Life sucks thats all i have to say

 

-bwexplorer out

 

POST EDIT: ok today wasn't a complete loss but it was pretty crap

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000105705

 

in a nut shell today i one have one word to say

 

 

SCHOOL

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000109705

 

i finally got an appointment with the doc on monday, but i've been puking blood and other (I'm trying to say a bad word but can't) so i dont no if i'll last till monday. school was good for the first three days, i passed all my subjects and the works not that bad, but i stayed home on friday cause i was really sick.........................

 

things are ok when i'm not being sick, cause i can handle the headaches and everything...................

 

anyway i gotta babysit today so i'll be in and out

 

-bwexplorer out

[Angela 1]

GO TO THE HOSPITAL, NOT TOMORROW, NOT LATER NOW.

puking blood is not good. this is serious.

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000111705

 

I went to the doc today, i have a blood test after that and on wednesday i miss out on half of physics for a CT scan, he said its probably only muscular and I'd need a bit of physiotherapy, my headaches not gone and my nosebleeds haven't stopped but good news the blood aint going in to my throat any more, so i've stopped puking blood...............................

 

got to go to school tomorrow :)

 

i feel a little bit better overall so thats a good thing, i'll be fit for duty soon

 

-bwexplorer out

[Angela 1]

I am really glad that the doc is doing something. I hope it is nothing serious, just remember we are always here (at least I am) Need anything just hollar hun'

[bwexplorer 0]

thanx Unadopted Angelic

[Ace 0]

Indeed; here's hoping the tests turn out alright. Good luck.

:)

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000114705

 

things are good all round minus the headache and the fact i'm in the top four of my physics classes so i have to do the Pyhics Olympiad Test

 

 

 

-bwexplorer out

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000116705

 

very simply i feel :lol: disgustingly sick

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000117705

 

NEVER rest your eyes

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000120705

 

my mums stopped doing my washing (i realised yesterday) she didn't even tell me ................ how rude

[bwexplorer 0]

Bwexplorer's Personal Log; Stardate 0000122705

 

lifes pretty slow lately, i guess thats what winter does to everything

[bwexplorer 0]

i wish i could go to bed