Javert Rovinski

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Posts posted by Javert Rovinski

  2. Posted

    Heya,

     

    This was at one of my boards. It was simply too hilarious not to share.

     

    The premise is simple: Summarize each episode of DS9 in one paragraph or less. Here are some excerpts:

     

    http://www.exisle.net/mb/index.php?act=ST&f=12&t=5083

     

     

    "The Emissary"-- Got new job. Met my arch-enemy. Became a religious

    icon. Played baseball with multidimensional spectral figments. Average

    day.

     

    "Duet"-- Learning to Love Your Inner War Criminal

     

    "Whispers"-- 'Picture of a man whose world has been turned upside

    down. Mister Miles Edward O'Brien, who has just opened a case of

    self-sealing stembolts, sent Express Delivery from... the Twilight

    Zone.'

     

    "The Wire"-- Bashir tries to find out the truth about Garak. Picture a

    dust mite trying to lift a Buick.

     

    "Improbable Cause/The Die is Cast"-- Garak meets his Dad, who

    considers killing him but decides against it. This is a Touching

    Family Moment by Cardassian standards...

     

    "Accession"-- Sisko takes his rival into the Wormhole, ditches him,

    and claims it was the will of the Prophets. People actually *buy*

    this. The Bajorans are a simple people...

     

    "Children of Time"-- Odo commits mass-murder as a romantic gesture to

    Kira. Ah, young love...

     

    "In the Cards"-- Willie Mays tries to destroy the time continuum, but

    fortunately Jake and Nog are our last, best line of defense...

     

    "Call to Arms"-- Dukat retakes the station, and promptly gets hit with

    7 years of property back-taxes.

     

    "Sacrifice of Angels"-- Also called 'Whaling on the Reset Button with

    Both Fists,' this does feature a stunning portrayal by Marc Alaimo of

    a crazy man... well, a man who's *slightly* crazier than Dukat usually

    is, anyway.

     

    "In the Pale Moonlight"-- Garak murders, extorts, lies, cheats,

    steals, and goes home happy. Sisko can live with it.

     

    "Profit and Lace"-- Quark's Feminine Side comes out. Imagine the sound

    of two million narwhals gagging into the Grand Canyon.

     

    "Till Death do us Part"-- The Dominion allies with the Breen. Yeah,

    those Breen. No, I don't know either. They just did, okay?

     

    "Strange Bedfellows"-- I implore you, do not think about what that

    title means, especially not about certain recurring characters who

    have both suddenly become Pure Evil. I mean, do NOT! *Sigh* You

    thought about it, didn't you? I warned you...

     

    "When it Rains..."-- A bunch of arc-related things happen. To be

    honest, I can't tell one finale arc episode from another anymore. It

    was probably cool, though.

     

    Read the whole thing at http://www.exisle.net/mb/index.php?act=ST&f=12&t=5083