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fenriz275

Online and In-Person Relationships

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Relationships online or in-person, IMO, can produce the same feelings. I never would've believed it until it happened to me, but the things that attract you to someone online are different than the things that would attract you in-person. You wouldn't, for example, hold it against someone in-person if they couldn't spell, not that I'm holding anything against anyone in here because they can't spell. :wink2: How important are these things to you? In-Person and Online:

 

APPEARANCE

IN-PERSON What they look like. It's what usually attracts you to someone in-person first.

ONLINE Their username and avatar. You can form a snap judgement about someone from these. Would you PM someone with a Barney avatar? :b-day:

 

THEIR VOICE

IN-PERSON What their voice sounds like. Their accent, the way they speak.

ONLINE How they write, how they put words together. Are they very formal or do they use smileys? What smileys do they use? What does this tell you about them?

 

ATTITUDE

IN-PERSON Their tone of voice. How they say something, sarcastic or light-hearted. Their body language.

ONLINE Their avatar and signature can give a person a sense of attitude. it could be goofy or profound, or even confusing. They could place a smiley at the end of a sentence and make it go from dead serious to tongue-in-cheek. :b-day: Or do you add a certain formality to the people you meet online because you're writing to them and there are certain rules that should be observed? Do you feel like you're talking to someone or writing to them? Does this make you feel closer or more distant to them?

 

AVAILABILITY

IN-PERSON How much time they spend with you. Are they there for you when you need them? Do they make time for you, do they rearrange their schedule for you?

ONLINE Do you IM them. Do they respond when you IM, PM, or email them? Do they try to be online when you're online?

 

INTERESTS

IN-PERSON In-Person it's not something you know if you immediately share.

ONLINE Online it's often how you meet a person in the first place. At a site or chatroom that revolves around a certain interest.

 

SENSE OF HUMOR

IN-PERSON Sometimes you share this with someone from the beginning. However many people are on their 'best' behavior when you meet them in person. They might not be inclined to crack silly jokes until they're comfortable with you.

ONLINE Online people often feel a little more relaxed and make jokes. Their sense of humor is less guarded.

 

Online you learn about someone from the inside out. In-Person it's from the outside in. In-Person it takes you longer to get a true picture of a person, but online you do have to take a person at their word. If they tell you they're a certain age or sex you have to believe them so there's a greater chance for deception. It's harder for a retired steel worker to pass himself off as a 25 year old hair stylist in-person. Does the anonymity of the internet allow people to be more secure about who they are and give you a truer idea of who they are? Or do you have to meet someone before you can feel an emotional attachment to them? Does it allow someone to be themselves and not worry about how someone will judge them based on their appearance? Do you think you'd have conversations with the members of this site if you ran into them at a bus stop or waiting in line at the store? You wouldn't even know that you shared a common interest in Star Trek, for example. What are everyone's thoughts on any of this?

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You make some excellent points, Fenriz. I for one find it much easier to get to know someone online than in person. This is partly because I am extremely shy- I fear rejection. I cannot go up to someone and just start a conversation. On line, I do not actually have to meet the person; they are just a name on a screen. Besides, as you mentioned, you already know you share a common interest. I am more of an inside out person. I find it easier to talk to someone on line; to me, it matters not what age, or sex they are. If we get along, so be it. (This is a bit different when talking in terms of romance, of course). In person, that is a barrier. One of the people I care most about in life is a fifty-something year-old man, because he is like a father or an uncle to me. Yet, it was hard to get to know him because of the age gap. On line, we could have been chatting in half an hour. My stand is that yes, it is more dangerous to try and get to know someone on the internet, but people I know on the internet end up being closer to me than people in real life. One's personality can come out more online, and that is one of the things I value most. I could be the thirteen year old girl I say I am, or I could be an eighty-year-old hag. Yet, you guys like me (I hope!) because of what I say, and the way I talk, not what I look like. So, internet relations, though people lie about age and stuff, are more honest in my opinion. I actually prefer them, and most of the people on this site are closer to me than the people I know in real life.

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A Barney Avatar??? :b-day: HMM, where is he?? :b-day: I once was attracted to a Borg assimilated Blue Smurf, so don't ask me. :b-day::b-day::b-day::b-day:

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It depends ont he situations though but those are good points Fen.

 

I find it eaier to galk to people online as Im not actually with them but sometimes online I don't find it eaier to takt o people. Just depeds on the situation

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I like this topic, and you make some very interesting points........I know from my own personal experiences, and professional experiences as a therapist that in-person relationships can be as deceiving as those entered into on line........what you see is not always what you get. I think one needs to be equally careful and cautious when entering into any kind of relationship. I will also say that learning about someone from the inside out is best regardless... when physical attraction is the main reason one is in a relationship......it is a shallow relationship that will not last once you really get to know the inside of that person..........Yes you can fall in love with someone before you meet them in person........I know this because the person that I have been with now for two years, I met via the internet......and we fell in love before we met............I do belive some people feel more secure for a time interacting behind the screen of a computer...........but if they are hiding something, insecurity becomes the reality for them once the person with whom they are communicating, wants a meeting to take place..........But my main point here is that we all need to be aware that dishonest people will play their games whether they are on-line or standing in front of you.............don't jump quickly into a relationship..........I find that to be the main problem......people meet either in person or on line, and jump head over hills into a relationship, before they truly know with whom they are dealing. :b-day:

 

Online you learn about someone from the inside out. In-Person it's from the outside in. In-Person it takes you longer to get a true picture of a person, but online you do have to take a person at their word. If they tell you they're a certain age or sex you have to believe them so there's a greater chance for deception. It's harder for a retired steel worker to pass himself off as a 25 year old hair stylist in-person. Does the anonymity of the internet allow people to be more secure about who they are and give you a truer idea of who they are? Or do you have to meet someone before you can feel an emotional attachment to them? Does it allow someone to be themselves and not worry about how someone will judge them based on their appearance? Do you think you'd have conversations with the members of this site if you ran into them at a bus stop or waiting in line at the store? You wouldn't even know that you shared a common interest in Star Trek, for example. What are everyone's thoughts on any of this?

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I know getting to know Fenriz on-line has been quite an experience for me. I didn't know there was someone else in the world who had the same twisted, off-the-wall sense of humour as I do. We spend days just laughing at the most ridiculous things. Things I have never talked about with anyone else before in my life. We even type the same wierd stuff at the exact some time. We are always using the :naughty: then :naughty: Sometimes it's a :flowers: because we both so oblique. It's totally without cans. :flowers: Get it Fen?? No one else will. :laugh::flowers:

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