Vulcans, as I understand them, are not strict pacifists. They prefer not to use violence, because of the fact that their own violent history almost destroyed them as a species. However, from Spock to Tuvok, they have shown themselves capable of violence and willing to use it under certain circumstances.
Also, the nerve pinch incapacitates without doing lasting harm. It effectively halts the "cycle of violence" with a sort of gentle force. (Gee, I do that with my four-year-olds all the time. Not with a neck pinch, of course. Sending them to separate rooms has the same effect...but somehow, I don't think that would've worked with the antagonists in "Chosen Realm.")
As for looking for problems, I can only speak for myself, but I'm not "looking" for problems. When I see them, I won't shut my eyes to them and pretend they're not there. I'm pointing out what I perceive as a flaw and an inconcistency in T'Pol's character, and I'm doing so because I like her and would love to see her -- and Jolene Blalock -- reach their considerable potential in this series.