Sign in to follow this  
Theunicornhunter

In the beginning

Recommended Posts

In the beginning...

 

 

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and

 

spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and

 

Woman would live long and healthy lives.

 

 

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and

 

Krispy Kreme. And Satan said, "You want hot fudge with that?"

 

 

And Man said "Yes!" and Woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles."

 

And lo they gained 10 pounds.

 

 

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure

 

that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat

 

and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from

 

size 2 to size 14.

 

 

So God said, "Try my fresh green garden salad." And Satan presented

 

crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and

 

Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

 

 

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil

 

in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut

 

shrimp, butter dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak so big it

 

needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

 

 

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose

 

those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote

 

control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man

 

and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started

 

wearing stretch jogging suits.

 

 

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming

 

with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful

 

skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in

 

animal fats and added copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more

 

pounds.

 

 

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and

 

still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent

 

double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?" and

 

Man replied, "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said "It is good." And

 

Man went into cardiac arrest.

 

 

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created HMOs.

 

Amen

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this