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Kor37

Van Roy Moment Of The Week

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Iowa fans cited for restroom sex during Gophs game

 

MINNEAPOLIS -While the Hawkeyes were stomping the Gophers on the Metrodome field last weekend, police said two Iowa fans were having a romp of a different kind in a restroom. Both events, police say, had their share of cheering fans.

A 38-year-old woman and a 26-year-old man turned to a handicapped stall for their tryst Saturday evening.

On the field, the Hawkeyes were on their way to 55-0 trouncing of the Gophers. In the restroom, a crowd of intoxicated fans gathered to cheer the off-the-field event.

Eventually, a security guard tipped off University of Minnesota police. Officers had to interrupt the couple to cite them for indecent conduct, a misdemeanor.

Police Chief Greg Hestness said the woman initially gave a false name to officers. She was released to her husband and the man was released to his girlfriend.

Both people in the stall were intoxicated.

 

:congrats:

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I think the best part is how they were released back to their own significant others. How are they gonna explain that? "Sorry honey, I was so drunk I thought it was you"

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Santa Ana police pull over, stun naked DUI suspect

 

SANTA ANA, Calif. -California authorities got a shock of their own when they discovered that a drunken driving suspect they had just stunned with a Taser was completely naked.

Santa Ana police say the naked man was pulled over by police Wednesday night after his van hit a car.

Police Commander Stephen Colon says a driver alerted officers to the van that had just hit his car. He says the driver was fumbling in the front seat and refused to put his hands up.

Policed used a stun gun on his head and neck and then saw he was completely naked.

 

:congrats:

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I believe to qualify as a "Van Roy Moment" there has to be sex or attempted sex involved. Nakedness alone doesn't count.

How's this? The rest of the story is that this guy was running from an angry husband who had just caught his wife in bed with you.

 

:congrats:

Edited by Kor37

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I believe to qualify as a "Van Roy Moment" there has to be sex or attempted sex involved. Nakedness alone doesn't count.

How's this? The rest of the story is that this guy was running from an angry husband who had just caught his wife in bed with you.

 

:love:

It was probbaly one of his clones :congrats:

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I believe to qualify as a "Van Roy Moment" there has to be sex or attempted sex involved. Nakedness alone doesn't count.

 

 

Nudity with a dose of stupidity does qualify as a Van Roy Moment. A Van Roy Moment does not have to contain sex or attempted sexual contact, though when sex is part if it attempted seems to be the more realistic choice.

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Studly Orangutan Impregnates Rest of Zoo

Dec 4th 2008

By Emily McCombs

 

For a lot of animals, being in capitivity is a bigger buzzkill to the libido than a "Golden Girls" marathon. Not so for Demo the orangutan, who has been busy knocking up all three of his female companions at a U.K. zoo.

 

The 10-year-old primate has three babies on the way after mating with roommates Gambira, Mali and Chinta. Since the number of Bornean orangutans is down to just 50,000 worldwide, Demo is merely doing his part for his dwindling species, which is threatened by hunting, the pet trade and the destruction of its rainforest habitat.

 

Staff at Paignton Zoo in Devon say they are "amazed" by the three pregnancies and are anxiously awaiting the births. The second largest ape after the gorilla, Bornean orangutans like their alone time, with males and females usually come together only to mate. Hopefully that fact will keep Demo from getting too overloaded with his three new baby mamas.

 

What?........this isn't a Van Roy moment???.......... :)

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Neb. 'Butt Bandit' gets 13 months in jail

 

VALENTINE, Neb. -A man dubbed the "Butt Bandit" for making greasy imprints of his nether parts on windows in the north-central Nebraska city of Valentine has been sentenced to more than a year in jail.

Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott says police caught 35-year-old Thomas Larvie in the act on Nov. 19.

Scott says Larvie was sentenced Thursday to 13 1/2 months in jail after being convicted of eight misdemeanor counts of public indecency and one of disturbing the peace.

Authorities said Larvie used lotion or petroleum jelly to make imprints of his naked behind — and sometimes his groin — on the windows of stores, churches and schools in Valentine beginning in the spring of 2007.

Townspeople dubbed the vandal the "Butt Bandit" even though no theft was involved.

 

:)

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Michigan cops help couple break the chains of love

 

DEARBORN, Mich. -If you love something, set it free. And if you can't, call the police. The Detroit Free Press reports police in suburban Detroit responded to a call Thursday by a man who handcuffed his wife to their bed but misplaced the key.

Dearborn police used a universal key to free the woman.

Sgt. Ray Patrick calls the situation "more of an intimate relationship than an unlawful imprisonment."

 

:biggrin:

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When I was between 8th grade and High School our class took a trip to Washington DC. We toured the FBI building and they had some fake handcuffs available for purchase in the gift shop.

 

Later on in the week-long trip we visited Kennedy's grave. On the trek back to the tour bus I ended up following this girl I had a couple classes with. I didn't think very much of her when in classes but after she was ahead of me on a staircase leading up with her butt in my face I formed a different opinion of her.

 

Anyway, about 10 minutes later she was handcuffed to the back seat of the bus. That was when I found out she had a boyfriend.

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Woman Sues American Airlines Over Masturbating Passenger

By Chris Walters, 9:19 AM on Mon Mar 17 2008, 180,520 views

A woman has filed a $200,000 lawsuit against American Airlines alleging the flight crew failed to protect her from a passenger who moved into the seat next to hers while she was sleeping, then "masturbated to her" and—well, you've seen "There's Something About Mary"? Yeah, that.

 

The woman slept most of the flight, but awoke about 20 minutes before landing when the pilot announced the plane was on descent into Los Angeles. When the woman opened her eyes, she saw that an unknown man had moved into the seat next to her and was staring at her as he masturbated, the suit states.

The woman turned toward the window in embarrassment and in an act of nervousness began to run her fingers through her hair where she noticed "a substantial amount of an extremely sticky substance in her hair," the suit states.

 

The woman began to cry and tried to get the attention of a flight attendant, but was unsuccessful, the suit states. Finally a passenger in the row in front of the woman comforted her and verified the semen in her hair, the suit states.

 

When the plane landed, employee called airport police and the man was arrested.

 

The suit claims that during the police investigation, the flight crew acknowledged they saw the man move from his assigned seat to the seat next to the woman while she slept.

 

Roy!....The rulebook clearly states that this is NOT a legitimate way to join the Mile High Club! You are hereby disqualified!

 

As for the lawsuit......don't worry, Roy....I'm sure that you will.............get off....... :biggrin:

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1) It takes about an hour to fly from San Jose to Los Angeles, including takeoff and landing. Most of that time the seatbelt sign is fastened. Heck, there is barely time for a drink service. So when would I even have time to... well, you know.

 

2) When was the last time you saw an empty seat on a plane?

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No Picnic: Man Charged With Screwing a Patio Table

 

By Tom Radler

 

Police in Ohio say that a married father of three has confessed to repeatedly having sex with his patio picnic table.

 

Art Price, Jr., 40, has been charged with four counts of public indecency after a neighbor videotaped him getting all nasty with the umbrella hole in the middle of his plastic picnic table. Apparently preferring the table's legs in the air, Price reportedly flipped the table over before forcing himself inside of it.

 

Price admitted that his skeevy antics took place both inside and outside of his home, and police say he did his table humping in broad daylight, not far from a school.

 

In addition to public outrage, we imagine there's considerable jealousy among Price's other lawn furniture. While barbecues and lawn chairs don't have many places for good loving (unless you're big enough for that drink holder), we're sure that plastic gnome hiding in the hedges is wondering why he wasn't chosen. The garden hose, however, is probably pretty relieved.

 

:biggrin:

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Vacuum Sex Act Gets Man 90 Days

 

SAGINAW, Mich. (March 26) - A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in the Saginaw County Jail.

Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing.

The 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was sentenced Wednesday in Saginaw County Circuit Court. Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure last month.

Police say Savage was arrested after a resident called officers early on Oct. 16 to report suspicious activity at a car wash in Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.

Savage's attorney, Philip Sturtz, didn't immediately return a message seeking comment.

 

:screwloose:

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