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Javert Rovinski

Hysterical DS9 Episode Guide

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Heya,

 

This was at one of my boards. It was simply too hilarious not to share.

 

The premise is simple: Summarize each episode of DS9 in one paragraph or less. Here are some excerpts:

 

http://www.exisle.net/mb/index.php?act=ST&f=12&t=5083

 

 

"The Emissary"-- Got new job. Met my arch-enemy. Became a religious

icon. Played baseball with multidimensional spectral figments. Average

day.

 

"Duet"-- Learning to Love Your Inner War Criminal

 

"Whispers"-- 'Picture of a man whose world has been turned upside

down. Mister Miles Edward O'Brien, who has just opened a case of

self-sealing stembolts, sent Express Delivery from... the Twilight

Zone.'

 

"The Wire"-- Bashir tries to find out the truth about Garak. Picture a

dust mite trying to lift a Buick.

 

"Improbable Cause/The Die is Cast"-- Garak meets his Dad, who

considers killing him but decides against it. This is a Touching

Family Moment by Cardassian standards...

 

"Accession"-- Sisko takes his rival into the Wormhole, ditches him,

and claims it was the will of the Prophets. People actually *buy*

this. The Bajorans are a simple people...

 

"Children of Time"-- Odo commits mass-murder as a romantic gesture to

Kira. Ah, young love...

 

"In the Cards"-- Willie Mays tries to destroy the time continuum, but

fortunately Jake and Nog are our last, best line of defense...

 

"Call to Arms"-- Dukat retakes the station, and promptly gets hit with

7 years of property back-taxes.

 

"Sacrifice of Angels"-- Also called 'Whaling on the Reset Button with

Both Fists,' this does feature a stunning portrayal by Marc Alaimo of

a crazy man... well, a man who's *slightly* crazier than Dukat usually

is, anyway.

 

"In the Pale Moonlight"-- Garak murders, extorts, lies, cheats,

steals, and goes home happy. Sisko can live with it.

 

"Profit and Lace"-- Quark's Feminine Side comes out. Imagine the sound

of two million narwhals gagging into the Grand Canyon.

 

"Till Death do us Part"-- The Dominion allies with the Breen. Yeah,

those Breen. No, I don't know either. They just did, okay?

 

"Strange Bedfellows"-- I implore you, do not think about what that

title means, especially not about certain recurring characters who

have both suddenly become Pure Evil. I mean, do NOT! *Sigh* You

thought about it, didn't you? I warned you...

 

"When it Rains..."-- A bunch of arc-related things happen. To be

honest, I can't tell one finale arc episode from another anymore. It

was probably cool, though.

 

Read the whole thing at http://www.exisle.net/mb/index.php?act=ST&f=12&t=5083

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